Would you pay this for a wedding/hen?

[Itsasin1981]

Wedding:
£120 per person for 2 nights' accommodation in a guest house.
£90 return train ticket.
£80 towards bridesmaid dresses (requested by the bride that we split the cost of it)
Then the cost of the present, drinks etc.
The wedding was located in a stately home in a very remote location and this was the closest hotel.

Hen party:

£250 all in all for one night away including transport, accomodation, activities and so on.

Not sure why these things are so expensive? Payment in installments was offered and it was suggested that we save towards it each month.

I wouldn't dream of asking people to spend that much money because I'm getting married. Especially as some people will feel like they can't say no.

The daily Mail have printed this btw, in case you wanted it taking down.

No I wouldn't, but I am of the age when I am perfectly happy and confident enough to turn down an invitation (politely of course).

I think it is worrying that so many people are genuinely nervous about turning down invitations, my friend's DD is a 30 year old graduate, in a professional job but constantly worries about the number of hen weekends/weddings she is expected to attend - & hideous bridesmaid dresses that she has to wear - but just doesn't seem to have the confidence to say 'no thank you'. (She is not married herself and highly unlikely to have a big flashy hen do or wedding). Is it FOMO?

The only person who should pay for the bridesmaid outfit should be the bride

Wedding costs are fine, especially if you’re a close circle of friends, apart from paying for the bridesmaids dresses which should be paid for by the bride. I wouldn’t go to the hen party. Hate them. Hate that whole overnight thing. Happy enough to do along to one if it’s for a meal and a bit of a dance in the nearest town but all that ‘Weekend away in London with 20 people you hardly know doing cocktail making lessons and a pole dancing class (I’ve actually been invited to one of these)’ nonsense fills me with absolute horror.

So much will depend on people’s finances, whether they have children, or are saving for a deposit, etc.
For many it’d be too much, and they’ll have other, more important things they want to save any spare cash for.

No way. I have dc to feed/ clothe. Also bills to pay. If she wants a fancy hen night she can pay for it herself. CF.

No way, unless its free I don't bother with weddings! In my opinion everyone should just bugger off and get married by themselves and not bother the rest of us with all the fuss and carrying on.

I think you are being unreasonable, a wedding is a one off event for them and they have every right to hold it where they want and in the way they want.
Unfortunately with any event/wedding you would have travel/accommodation costs. The dress I agree you shouldn't have had that cost, I believe the bride/groom should have paid for that and not you. But the hen again sounds fairly standard, if the money was an issue you should have turned down the hen party and offered to do something cheaper 1 on 1 with the bride. If she is a true friend (and given you're a bridesmaid she should be) she would understand why you were unable to attend the hen.

No, I wouldn’t pay to wear a BM dress. The bride needs to pay for those.

Doubtful I’d want to spend so much for 1 night hen party. Unless I really liked the group.

I think asking someone to pay for their bridesmaid dress is wrong. Unless you get to choose the style, colour and everything but even then only if you can afford it. It would be a no from me.

Say NO to the invite. How close are you to the bride? Best friend? I would pay for everything if I were the bride. If not, scale down the hen night activities. A trip to a local pub with friends would be adequate.

I went to a wedding in Croydon 12 years ago with my ex husband. We spent £90 on the hotel accommodation and train fares. We were given sandwiches and sausages for dinner. I actually had to 'compete' for the limited amount of foods. I was so hungry and at one stage, I was fantasising of gate crashing an Asian wedding in the same gold club for foods. I could literally smell the foods from the big tent!

My ex couldn't stop laughing at my wild fantasy. No more weddings with sandwiches and sausages for dinner.

I would never pay to attend someone else’s wedding or hen party. If the bride wants certain things, then she can pay for the accommodation, dress, hair, makeup and hen do. If you can’t afford this, then you shouldn’t have any bridesmaids and organise a wedding closer to home.

Just elope.

YANBU, if people decide to have big weddings they do end up costing everybody a couple of hundred quid atleast - more if you’re actually in the wedding.

I was a bridesmaid and the bride paid for my dress, and for our hair and make up too which was great and I was incredibly grateful.

Hen do probably came to £300 inc spends, £100 for a hotel room as we’re not nearby. £100 for drinks across the day (for 4 of us). Outfits for dp and the 2 children £100. She’s my friend and was happy to pay it but the amounts of money spent by others for peoples weddings are crazy.