To ask if anyone else seemed to spend their childhood permanently thirsty and/or needing the toilet?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I remember another thread a while ago that touched on this and I was surprised I wasnt the only one.

I was born late 70's and my parents used to take us on lots of trips to random towns on the train, often changing trains in London. They would never bring or buy a drink until we had arrived and walked around a bit. Then they would buy one big bottle of fizzy drink which we all shared, often after salty fish and chips. I remember being more thirsty than I have ever been as an adult. They bought me a drink once when I cried as I was so thirsty and I was pleading with them saying I would pay them back with my pocket money.

Additionally they were obsessed with not missing connections for trains and we were never allowed to stop to use the toilet so I also spent a lot of time absolutely desperate for the toilet, again where I was nearly crying with the pain but not allowed to go unless there happenned to be a toilet on the train

I swore when ds was born he could always have a drink or use the toilet no matter what we were doing. And now I am older I am just incredulous they let us suffer this way.

They were toxic in many many ways, but was this normal for the 80's? Was anyone else deprived of a drink or toilet facilities for prolonged periods of time?

I was a child in the 1960s. I distinctly remember my mother always replying, "well there's water in the tap" if we said we were thirsty. We had milk at breakfast, orange squash at lunch then milk again before bed, but at any other time it was water only. We never ever had fizzy drinks. Perhaps because of this, as an adult I have always been someone who drinks a lot of water and I never drink fizzy drinks

If we said we were thirsty - Dad would say - plenty of Adams Ale in the tap....

OP that's reakly awful and horribly abusive of your parents. I do think there was less awareness of dehydration when I was a child in the 80s and 90s. I definitely drink more now than I remember drinking back then or my parents drinking. Drinks weren't off limits though and if I needed a drink, I always got one. I don't remember ever being thirsty.

@Inthevirtualwaitingroom

I was always allowed to go to the loo, in fact it was a joke that I liked to investigate loos wherever we went!

Are you me 😂😂 I was always the same. My mum says the first thing I always asked for was the toilet whenever we went anywhere!

born late 60's.

Plenty drinks at home, extra milk with breakfast, a large tumbler of squash when I got in from school. Allowed plenty drinks with meals and in the evening but had to stop an hour before bed. Occasional hot chocolate made with Cadbury powder as a winter treat. Milk and water at primary school, water fountains at secondary. Obv no bottles in classrooms like now but could buy juice at breaks as well if needed. I didn't get much money and used to buy highland toffee bars instead luckily I liked water ok

Parents didn't smoke or go to the pub. Parents never left us anywhere - I mean we did play out in the street with all our friends (but many of the Mums checking on us and counting heads when they passed the windows) of course or go to local park but only with trusted older siblings/friends. Never expected to babysit etc or left in car parks alone or left alone at home.

My parents took drinks and picnics from home on day trips. Eating out was expensive and a very rare treat - I remember my first "proper" afternoon tea in a cafe aged around 12 I think for a granny's special birthday and loved it! But they always had plenty food and drinks taken from home. Not that we did many trips but there was always the trusty picnic box packed. An occasional ice cream at the beach was another special treat.

there was sun cream when needed (not all the time in the north of Scotland). I don't think toileting was an issue - we were told firmly to "go before we leave" but if we really needed a wee on the way my Dad would stop, even if it was to just scramble behind a bush in a lay-by. My Mum was a tea Jenny so would usually need the toilet before any of us kids so stops were based around her bladder not ours!

I think because my Mum grew up in a very "difficult" home environment in the 40's, she was determined to break the cycle of neglect and was a very loving, caring mum and thought ahead about what would make her kids happy. We weren't rich at all, I remember ice on the inside of the windows before we had central heating fitted and we never had a holiday abroad until I was an adult, but she did a fabulous job of caring for us all and making the best of our childhoods. We had our own baths, not shared water and nice things like pajamas warmed in front of the fire to put on afterwards. I miss her so much.

I'm so sorry Op that you were neglected in such an easily preventable way. Reading your story made me so sad and my own experience is not to say "look at me, I had it great" but to say what you suffered was in no way normal or acceptable. You are right to feel angry at such callous behaviour. I'm sorry.

I don't ever remember this. Maybe occasionally being desperate for the loo at a really inconvenient time and having to wait a bit but only if on the motorway or something where it was difficult to stop and we were never allowed to go hungry or thirsty. My mother seemed to be almost in pain herself if we were were hungry or thirsty . She always had food and drink available if we wanted it. Often too much .

Thank you to all those who have taken the time to empathise with me and let me know that actually, it wasnt ok. And to all those who went through similar. It sounds like it has made us better parents ourselves

@SpottedOnMN

My dad used to have a thing about not stopping for the loo on (very) long trips, and if he did eventually agree to stop it would be for us to squat by the side of the road. I always stop somewhere with a loo for my kids as soon as is practical.

It's a man thing, they can stand and deliver at the side of the road!

I can remember being thirsty/bursting for the toilet in school and the teacher would never let me go. In high school I can remember sneaking sips of water at my locker and in the toilets as we were never allowed to drink in class.
At home anything like that was seen as a massive inconvenience by my parents and I’ve really no idea why. I was agony on a particular car journey as I needed to pee so badly but they wouldn’t stop even though I was begging them, yet if my parents needed to go they found somewhere right away.

It’s ingrained in me now though and I’ll wait ages to go to the toilet or I’ll be thirsty but not actually drink.
I’m not sure if it was abusive exactly, maybe judging the parenting/teaching of the 80s/90s by today’s standards.
I think the guide of drinking 2L of water was quite a revelation in the late 90s, I can remember talk of “wow humans need to drink 8 glasses a day” at the time. Water drinking wasn’t really a thing until around then, occasionally you’d drink a small cup of water if there was nothing else.

By contrast my 6yo has a water bottle on his desk and doesn’t need to ask to go to the toilet in school.
I have a big thing about making sure he doesn’t feel like an inconvenience for having basic human needs met too.

This all sounds awful.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and, while we certainly drank less than we do now when we were out, we certainly weren’t thirsty. On days out, we’d bring a (warm) bottle of squash and my parents would have a flask.

At school, there was (warm) milk and water at lunchtime. Yes, I used to drink from the taps in the toilet too...

Actually, now I think about it, it sounds shit.

My parents were quite good at supplies whilst out, but then my father had led expeditions in foreign parts and probably learned from that that you do need to feed and water people...

I do remember not being allowed a drink with a meal at home quite a lot though, the reasoning being we'd drink it all and be too full, something I had never done but possibly my sister had - this meant I left a lot of food as I found it very hard to swallow without a drink and whilst thirsty (and I know now I have had a hiatus hernia thats affected my swallowing since very young... hmm.)

We were cold A LOT... huge house with high ceilings, central heating strictly controlled by my father, it wasn't allowed on before November, and only for a few hours..... conveniently the hours HE would be indoors at home and not those he'd be out playing with toys or at work...

Trips out would NEVER involve motorway services (nor would any suitably educational attraction involve a trip round the shop and if the attraction forced you to enter/exit via the shop, we did not go!). They would sometimes involve pubs but this was the 80s so we often had to wee in a carpark and sit in the car and be fetched out crisps and lemonade (if we were lucky, sometimes just warm car-stale sandwiches and juice boxes) whilst they had a 'swift half' (never actually swift in my experience).

I've just remembered, any pub that visibly had the giant plastic tree play equipment in the garden would be avoided, if it wasn't spotted until we pulled into the carpark my dad would pull straight back out again - any time we discovered such a thing hidden in a remote part of the beer garden after we'd got out of the car was a moment of utter triumph!

Slight tangent, but is it a common thing that people our parents' age (i.e. late 60s) generally don't drink water in the day, just tea or coffee? A friend mentioned this about their parents and it's certainly true of others of that generation in our family. They have frequent cups of tea but don't have a jug or glasses on the table for water, like it's a bit odd. (And they are very middle class and otherwise health-conscious!).

At school I had one of those bulky plastic lunchboxes with a big plastic flask in it which permanently smelt of weak squash - I don't remember being thirsty!

I grew up in the 80s and 90s and definitely don't remember being deprived of drinks at home but I do often think about how I went through most of school having a small flask or carton of drink at lunchtime and that was it. I drink so much water throughout the day now! I remember I didn't actually go to the toilet at school for years - I just never needed to When I started sixth form in 2001 we were allowed to take a bottle of water into class with us and I remember that this seemed so grown up!

The main drink-related injustice I remember from childhood was when we went to my maternal grandparents' for Sunday lunch my sister and I would be given a small tumbler of lemonade each with our meal. Of course we'd probably just been running around outside playing and would neck said small tumbler of drink in five seconds then ask for more, at which point my mum would start giving us a 'look' and hissing that we were not to ask for more because that was 'being greedy'.

I've just remembered, any pub that visibly had the giant plastic tree play equipment in the garden would be avoided, if it wasn't spotted until we pulled into the carpark my dad would pull straight back out again - any time we discovered such a thing hidden in a remote part of the beer garden after we'd got out of the car was a moment of utter triumph!

I remember thinking those trees were truly magical! Never got to play in one!

I'm an 80's child too.

Not generally no, I think what you describe is pretty neglectful whatever the decade.

I do remember one holiday in France where the drinks were expensive so my parents introduced a "one drink per meal" rule. It was a running joke and the children from the 3 families would all chorus "this will never last a meal" every time we were given a drink for a couple of years afterwards.

I don't actually remember being thirsty though so I assume it was only sugary drinks that were rationed, not water.

“Strangely enough, parents in those far off days loved and looked after their children just as parents do these days. Oh, and we didn’t resort to screens.”

Is this a joke? You didn’t resort to screens?

Mid-forties here, not my experience but my dad loved meals out and never hesitated to have them. Though they probably were more planned - lots of kids.

I'm a 80's child I don't remember being thirsty ever or needing the loo. We travelled a lot around the whole country, so plenty of motorway journeys but what I remember is never buying food or drinks out. We would stop at service station for fuel and toilet though or on a lay-by if we were desperate for the loo. My mum would make sandwiches and have plenty of water and fruit snacks and have tea and coffee in flasks but we weren't ever hungry, thirsty or nearly pissing ourselves. As a family we would drink at least 3 glasses of water at normal times so water was very important. My mum does sometimes say we waste so much money buying water and food when our and about where we could easily make it at home.

*Sorry drink 3 glasses of water each at meal times

Country NZ kid but we always had drinks (it was 1.5 hrs to town on shopping days we used to pee behind a bush if we needed to)
Mum packed a thermos of tea and one of milo for us kids, at home we drank water, milk or Raro.
I know my grandfather would never stop if mum or her siblings needed a wee.
So mum understanding plus she would of been the one cleaning up.

When a preschooler/primary school age out with my dad on the farm we always had breakfast, smoko, morning tea (he would have tea, I’d get snacks and a drink) but his mother was horribly abusive and used food as a weapon so he always had food on him.
Always packets lollies, homemade biscuits and muesli bars in the tractor, landsdrover, stashed in the glove box in the car, in the pocket of his swannie with his smokes.

This was the norm in my late 70s/80s childhood. There was no public awareness at all of the need to hydrate, no one explained the benefits of drinking water so we all survived on one cup of Quosh, weak tea and a dribble from the school fountain.

They also had no idea about salt, sugar and saturated fats which is why my Mum would pour half a tub of salt into boiled potatoes then sprinkle it all over her dinner. We ate as much pick n mix as our pocket money would allow and most dinners revolved around mince. Sun protection was unheard of, my mum had the same sand covered bottle of sun cream my whole childhood.

I remember being thirsty and hungry the whole time too, OP as snacks - other than a Rich Tea, were unheard of.

Ah, Quosh! I remember the lurid green one fondly.

No absolutely not normal.

In fact quite the opposite I can remember my Mum being quite concerned about bladder infections being caused by not drinking enough and not going to the toilet frequently enough (I had and still have a bladder of steel and wouldn't go all day at school).

My parents would take squash from home if we were going out and they didn't want to buy drinks.

We never went anywhere so I don’t remember a need to pee on a long journey.
I do remember going in a school residential trip in the last year of primary school (1986) and being told that we needed to bring a water bottle with us. We had to go to Millets to buy one.

At home I was allowed squash but not fizzy drinks.

But one thing I don’t understand, we all had soda streams, everyone had one in the 80s so someone was drinking fizzy drinks.