A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

I wear pjs on the school run as I also have some disabilities and it's just easier for me. I don't however get out of the car. So all I do is drive from our garage, down a country road, throw kid out at the school gate and come straight home.

Unfortunately on one occasion two older kids were fighting a younger kid and I felt I had no choice but to jump out and intervene. So there I was in the playground in my reindeer pyjamas for all to see So now I have pjs that could pass for slovenly day clothes in an emergency.

But I'd never willingly be seen out wearing pjs.

As a small suggestion...if you look at alternative clothing places, you can get much bigger harem trousers, usually one size fits all. They're not to everyone's taste, but if you like them, they're mega comfortable, very easy to get on and off (very wide, ruched and elasticated waist; you can often pull them right up and wear them as a strapless jumpsuit if you like) and definitely daywear.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

So you have no other comfortable clothes other than nightwear?

That's your response to a post from someone who clearly lives life in a significant amount of pain?

@ZeroFuchsGiven i've seen more out there things than that!

Guess what? Didn't bother me because I'm not so invested in the lives of others that I can pretend to truly care what they wear.

I simply don't believe the OP or any other posters who say they can not wear a plain thin t shirt and a pair of leggings or lounge pants. I don't believe you.

The more people protest, the more ridiculous you guys seem actually. I assumed this was just people being a bit lazy. It seemed a bit slovenly but no big deal. But now, it's about Wokeness. And wearing pyjamas is the Right Thing To Do.

Ridiculous. We don't live in the 1920s. You aren't wearing restrictive corsetry or any formal clothes. You 100% can wear them and if you choose not to, you should accept that people will judge you for those CHOICES.

@hereyehearye fortunately, it matters approximately zero what you do or don't believe :)

@Vallmo47

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been there. Please don’t regret starting the thread. Those of us who didn’t understand, now bear this in mind. But it’s good to hear the other side of the coin as well if you know what I mean. Now you also know why a few do look. :) Always two sides to everything! I agree with the posters who said wear something that is less obvious nightwear, then you won’t feel so uncomfortable and I’m sure no one would look or pass judgment.

What a cruel world we bloody live in, shall we move to Mars ASAP?

We may well live in a cruel world but I think looking askance at people wearing their PJs out and about, who in the great majority of cases dont have reasons for it like the OP, doesn't really rank up there, does it?

@hereyehearye

“I don’t believe you”

Is such a disgusting thing to say to ANYBODY who is trying to talk about a struggle. No matter what that struggle is.

I am 70plus,and never in all my life, until these recent times, seen adults wearing pyjamas to go out shopping in supermarkets,or a corner shop etc. Many many people in life,have been ailing or stressed etc over the years, but not found it necessary to wear their pyjamas whilst going to town etc. I have only noticed a few people wearing pyjamas outside over the years, and they were usually some elderly folks,being brought home in an ambulance from a hospital stay.

There’s a lot of evidence that routine is essential for getting control of fibromyalgia, ME and illnesses of these types. The impact of not getting dressed is worsening mental health. When someone has surgery they priority is to get them out of bed within 48 hours and dressed rather than spend weeks laying in bed and that’s because we know that getting up and getting dressed has a positive impact on recovery.

Realistically, if you want to not get dressed (or feel you can’t) then sleep in clothes that could be either day or night wear. Leggings or soft joggers and a t shirt or vest top. Don’t wear your Disney themed pjs because you’ll stand out.

@Corncorncorn

I hear you. I've been there. Most people cannot conceive of being too ill to get dressed.

Ignore them. Black PJ bottoms are my advice as they can pass as trousers.

Exactly. Most people indeed cannot conceive of being too ill to get dressed. Do what you are able to do op. I don’t wear pjs but I do have clothes, which I can wear to bed then all day with no need to change if I pop out. It can be a terrible struggle to get showered and dressed. I try to shower every other day as a minimum and daily subject to energy levels.

That's your response to a post from someone who clearly lives life in a significant amount of pain? confused

Yes it is my response and anyone in pain or not would get the same response, I don't believe that unless you are seriously ill and bed bound that you own no other clothes suitable for going out in other than nightwear,

@hereyehearye

I simply don't believe the OP or any other posters who say they can not wear a plain thin t shirt and a pair of leggings or lounge pants. I don't believe you.

The more people protest, the more ridiculous you guys seem actually. I assumed this was just people being a bit lazy. It seemed a bit slovenly but no big deal. But now, it's about Wokeness. And wearing pyjamas is the Right Thing To Do.

Ridiculous. We don't live in the 1920s. You aren't wearing restrictive corsetry or any formal clothes. You 100% can wear them and if you choose not to, you should accept that people will judge you for those CHOICES.

Hey Im with you. Another poster suggested our kind of attitude was a sign of how cruel the world is. Talk about a lack of perspective. We're not talking about foot binding or as you say, corsetry.

Could you do it the opposite way around OP and wear loungewear to bed so that you can go out in it without having to get dressed more than once every 24 hours? Soft fleecy or velour tops, like a dressing gown, loose jersey elasticated wait or yoga-top joggers, soft cotton jersey tees.

I empathise, OP. Although I personally choose not to go out on the days I don't have the energy to dress, and absolutely force myself (often to the detriment of my health for the next few days) to get clean and dressed if it's something like a medical appointment, I do absolutely understand there are days when having what many PPs are blithely dismissing as 'a quick wash' or 'a quick shower' feels akin to climbing the Matterhorn. I have days when my shower consists of me sitting on the floor of the shower cubicle because I can't stand up, and being unable to wash my hair properly because I literally don't have the strength to raise my arms to my head for long enough. And in my case it's not a MH issue, my MH is pretty stable [touches wood] - it's purely physical from chronic disabilities, so it's not simply a case of mind over matter, "do this and you'll feel better in yourself" because actually, I won't. I'll feel exhausted, wobbly and utterly drained for the next couple of days at least. So I would never judge anyone who chose to go out in pyjamas because I can easily see how for some people it is a case of go out in PJs or don't go out at all on any given day. And while there will be some people for whom it is just laziness rather than disability, it's not my place to try to guess which is which.

[quote ShutUpAlex]@hereyehearye

“I don’t believe you”

Is such a disgusting thing to say to ANYBODY who is trying to talk about a struggle. No matter what that struggle is.[/quote]
I don't believe the OP is an expert on the modern apparel industry and I don't believe that she can only specifically wear pyjamas. And not just pyjamas. Pyjamas that are noticeable as pyjamas instead of the millions of pyjamas styles that look indistinguishable from everyday clothes.

no I don't believe that. Sorry.

I also struggle, hate to leave the house, shielding has been a god sent (gives me an excuse) Some days I run the bath 3or 4times a day, nice bath bombs or bubbles but can't get in! The only clothes I've bought are PJ's

I just think it is so hideously self entitled that some on this thread think that OP should care more about their respect than being able to manage her pain.

The snobbery is real.

The OP should care about and do whatever she wants. This was a thread about how WE should all wear pyjamas to make the OP feel better about wearing them.

Instead of the OP just wearing pyjamas that pass as clothes.

Lots of PP arguing that we shouldn’t judge.
The OP’s original post indicated that she felt if everyone started wearing pj’s outside, then she shouldn’t feel so judged for doing so.
To avoid feeling judged (as she has said she does when wearing pj’s out or on a zoom call), the OP has to make some choices: she can either decide that she isn’t being judged, or she can accept that in general, people DO judge you for what you wear.
Depending on which choice she makes, she either has to change her mindset to decide she isn’t being judged, and wear the pj’s anyway, change her mindset to accept that she will be judged and get dressed to go out/ have zoom calls, OR - change everyone else’s (majority’s) mindset on the wearing of pj’s in public.
However, changing EVERYONE’S behaviour is a much bigger task than changing hers, whilst she might wish that the consensus is less judgemental, it’s unlikely to just ... happen.
We can only change our own minds in the short term, OP, so logically, the easier of the three options is to make yourself get dressed, as I don’t think you will find it easy to disregard everyone else’s opinions and judgement.
Hope you are successful in deciding what to do.💐💐💐

@hereyehearye and the problem with anyone, including the OP, daring to wear pyjamas outside is....

theleafandnotthetree- I never defended that view actually, I just had empathy for someone who is in such pain and discomfort she genuinely feels she has no other option. I don’t have to agree to be kind.

The problem I have with most people wearing pjs in the supermarket is that the pjs (and the dressing gown, and the slippers) often look filthy. It's one thing saying but my pjs are clean, why does it matter, compared to whole families who look like they've been wearing the same clothes for days. (Yes, I judged.)

The issue of pyjamas during the day isn't one of not having any other comfortable clothing, it's an issue of taking off one set of clothes and putting on another. This really is beyond some people's capabilities. The "care in the community" system doesn't work. People don't get the level of care they need. OP needs someone to come round her house every day to help her get up, washed and dressed. Whether this is being prompted to do each stage herself or physical help with eg putting on clothes. It's highly unlikely she has this care.

People saying about wearing lounge wear etc. If you sleep in clothing that isn't pyjamas you can easily get too hot because the fabric is wrong and also be uncomfortable because they're cut differently and not designed for the job. If you're in pain you absolutely don't want to be doing anything to make it worse.

Whilst I have sympathy for you OP and I do understand your predicament, it's brought about by the failures in the care system. So YABU we should not be normalising pyjamas outside to make you feel better about not getting dressed. Instead you should be receiving the help you need, so you're washed, dressed and not going out being judged for wearing pyjamas.

My son is extremely gender non confirming and looks amazing with long hair and a pussybow blouse and skirt. I simply meant that the very people that are crying about pyjamas being queen out of the house as they are night time clothing are also very likely fine with men in dresses. It's hypocritical.

It's not in the least bit hypocritical, pussy bow blouses and skirts aren't clothes worn in bed are they? They are clothes worn during the day/evening and it matters not what sex the person is who is wearing them.