To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Do horses lie down to sleep? With a blanket coat on or not? Genuine question. I'm a bit scared of them after a donkey bit me once at the seaside

I read somewhere that horses will only lie down to sleep if they are somewhere that they feel very safe and secure from predation, so if your pony lies snoring against the gates, you have a very happy little Dorsey there! . It sounds sensible to me - if you think there may be lions, you stay on your feet so you can go from fast asleep to full gallop in about 2 seconds flat. (I'll bet horse herds have at least one staying awake keeping "toot" as well)

I imagine (and this is guesswork) that smaller/lighter ones are more likely to lie down than are heavy horses, just because of the effort of getting onto their hooves again.

Well sort of - they're a bit like elephants, lying down puts pressure on their internal organs. Even small ponies only lie down for brief periods - and it would actually be worrying that they're in real trouble healthwise if they are laid down too long. You tend to try to get them up if you suspect they're not well.

As a prey animal, they stay on their feet mostly.

Do horses lie down to sleep?

They can sleep standing up, but lie down for deeper sleep. Young horses I think do this more often and for longer. If they are in a herd, which they should be, other horses can keep a lookout for predators.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Just skim read the thread but it seems as per usual we've got a load of be nice, be kind, don't be mean and I would let her posts

I would add that to encourage someone in an obviously unhealthy obsession is NOT kind. You are pandering to what is, effectively, a mental illness.

I'm startled at the number of sorry/please words included in people's suggested messages. And the number of people who are trying to come up with compromise or viewing opportunities.

This would definitely be a slippery slope at best. At the other end, I'd seriously wonder if this is a very unusual case where I should be talking to somebody at one of the stalking charities/organisations.

The OP has already sustained enough distress. And it reads like a bunch of people would like to put her in line to endure more and possibly worse.

^Do horses lie down to sleep? With a blanket coat on or not?

Yes! At any given opportunity one of mine lays down. Proper flat out, snoring her head off.

If I had a £1 for every “oh my god, I think your horse is dead” phone call I’ve had from a panicked livery I’d be a very rich woman.

She’s even caught me out a few times and is most disgusted when you poke her to see if she’s still alive

The other one lays down but sleeps more upright.

They have rugs at night depending on the weather.

Daytime that's hilarious! She does look like she's dead! Mine naps whenever he gets the chance, which is a lot, but he's only 23 months :)

We had one on a yard I used to work at who came in at lunchtime and within 5 minutes would be flat out in his stable snoring!

The first time he did it we thought something was seriously wrong, but no, he just enjoyed a daily afternoon nap

As a non horsey person the first time I saw a friends horse flat out on the ground I phoned her in a panic convinced something awful had happened. Apols horsey people for all the times we get it very wrong !

Daytimetellysucks

I'm sure I've seen a photo where the owner of a similarly relaxed horse has painted a very large sign which says "this horse is not dead" for their field.

@Daytimetellysucks. One of mine has form form for ignoring you until you are right on top of him. Not even an ear twitch as you shout him from hundreds of yards away. Then you get close and whilst you prod him and check he's breathing he's like what?! I hate him. He's well deserving of his Shitland tag. I keep telling him one day he'll actually be unwell and ill ignore him i won't I'm well under the hoof but he doesn't care.

She obviously feels guilty about what happened to him after she sold him. I had a horse that I loved dearly go to the ILPH as she had an intermittent back problem and I was getting a divorce and going to university so could not keep her. That was over 20 years ago and I still miss her terribly, although she will no doubt now be dead. I would contact her and show a bit of empathy and let her visit him but make it clear it is a one time visit only.

@CongealedCrags

Daytimetellysucks

I'm sure I've seen a photo where the owner of a similarly relaxed horse has painted a very large sign which says "this horse is not dead" for their field.

Yes, I’ve seen that photo too. I’ve had to look twice at it as the horse looks so much like mine 😂

I’ve put a sign up in the tack room saying the chances are she isn’t dead, although most of them are used to her now so it doesn’t happen so much anymore

The first time I had a phone call our yard owner phoned to say she thought knobhead was in a bad way, I drove to yard with my heart in my throat, breaking every speed limit going, only to be met with a very disgusted horse who had had her nap interrupted and I then spent an hour trying to catch the fucker. Bad way my arse

@HeronLanyon

As a non horsey person the first time I saw a friends horse flat out on the ground I phoned her in a panic convinced something awful had happened. Apols horsey people for all the times we get it very wrong !

Don’t apologise - I’d far rather someone called me just in case, than find her down and in pain hours later!

[quote BlueEyesWhiteDragon]@Daytimetellysucks. One of mine has form form for ignoring you until you are right on top of him. Not even an ear twitch as you shout him from hundreds of yards away. Then you get close and whilst you prod him and check he's breathing he's like what?! I hate him. He's well deserving of his Shitland tag. I keep telling him one day he'll actually be unwell and ill ignore him i won't I'm well under the hoof but he doesn't care.[/quote]
Yes!

Mine is exactly the same. Not even an ear twitch. Even when you’re right on top of her you’re not exactly sure so have to prod her.

Then she looks at you in pure disgust.

She is hilariously terrified of shitlands though 😂

Good point daytime

I totally understand that she would like to see him again, but she does sound very intense and that would worry me. I don't think I would like her knowing where your horse is kept now as she could keep "popping by" to see him and get even more attached (if that is possible!).

I would say that you are on a yard with very strict security measures and only owners/sharers are allowed to visit, especially with Covid restrictions at the moment. Say you are happy to send photos and updates but this will be once a month only as you are really busy.

If she continues to contact you after setting boundaries, then I would put the ball in her court and state that due to her incessant messages you need to stop contact, and that if she had just stepped back a bit then things would have been able to continue. She needs to take responsibility for her actions - I sold my heart horse way back and I regret it every day, but I never made any attempt to try to find him as I knew he had gone to a good home (didn't want to know where as I would've wanted to visit).

Hope this helps.

If it wasn’t for the endless messages and the constant trying to track him down, I would probably let her visit. But, given these circumstances I’d say no. I can’t help but wonder if he’s been sold on because previous owners were sick of this person???

I've just RTFT as part of my daily procrastination / avoidance routine, and wasn't going to comment as sensible PPs have given solid advice and I do massively feel for the OP as I'm also often trapped in "trying to be nice" disaster situations - I'm working on it! And I hope weird lady gets the message and lets OP have some peace. Also I like horses but am not a horsey person IYSWIM.

BUT something really weird just happened and I feel the need to share

I live in the middle of a town, on a relatively busy main road, and for the first time ever just heard someone riding a horse down the road! First time in two years while reading a random thread about horses that I clicked on out of sheer curiosity!

Nearly did myself a mischief trying to get to the window in the semi-dark as furloughed DP is snoozing. and terrified the cat in the process! Missed getting a glimpse of said horse, but traffic was all slowed down etc so I know it was for real!

It's kind of made my day! And I have really enjoyed a glimpse into owning a horse via the lovely posts on here and seeing the pictures, so thanks all for a most pleasant distraction.

And I really hope the OP's "stalker" gets the message and moves on, for both their sakes!

@HeronLanyon

Dorsey is a great name for a horsey. I assumed he was real in-thread also.

I now feel a moral obligation to buy a small, idiosyncratic pony with strange sleeping habits, so that mums netters aren't disappointed.

@Daytimetellysucks

^Do horses lie down to sleep? With a blanket coat on or not?

Yes! At any given opportunity one of mine lays down. Proper flat out, snoring her head off.

If I had a £1 for every “oh my god, I think your horse is dead” phone call I’ve had from a panicked livery I’d be a very rich woman.

She’s even caught me out a few times and is most disgusted when you poke her to see if she’s still alive

The other one lays down but sleeps more upright.

They have rugs at night depending on the weather.

She's definitely smiling in the second picture! Dreaming of cantering into the sunset with the Lloyds Bank black stallion, no doubt.

And I would like to thank everyone who has educated me on equine sleeping habits. I like stuff like this.

Worth making all the staff and helpers aware that there is a previous owner who has become a bit obsessed so to not discuss the horse with anyone who approaches them at the yard, locally, or via social media without coming to you first and not to provide the location of the horse to anyone. Sensible for them to be vigilant.

I think that the previous owner should not visit and the vigilance suggested seems right to do.

I actually don't think it would be kind to the horse either, given the nature of the bond between person and horse if I understand it correctly from those I have known with horses.

Shitlands hat has made me giggle!

SchadenfreudePersonified And you have to call it Dorsey Shitlands. Or if it refuses to be renamed, call the stable/track area/six grand shelter Dorsey Shitlands.

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon any updates OP? Did she reply? I'm really curious now!

@CongealedCrags

SchadenfreudePersonified And you have to call it Dorsey Shitlands. Or if it refuses to be renamed, call the stable/track area/six grand shelter Dorsey Shitlands.

I am completely uninterested in horseracing, but I was amused by some syndicate (possibly of footballers?) which named its racehorse Some Horse, for the amusement value of hearing the commentator say 'And here's Some Horse coming up on the inside... Some Horse takes it at the post!' And I gather that when they acquired a second racer, they called it Some Other Horse.

(Ok, the last bit might be apocryphal... )