Was mum U for telling DS(7) that her young neighbour went to heaven.

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They have a photo taken about 9 years ago of her NdN who was around 39 at the time, with her two young boys. All round about my age and my boys. DS brought the photo to DM and asked if it was me, as we recently showed him of photos of himself as a baby and he didn't recognise me.

DM said no, it was the lady next door and she went to Heaven. DS looked very sad and asked if she had died. DM and I were mortified and blundered around saying it was a long time ago and the boys were grown ups now. For info. NDN died of cancer and her boys were still quite young. DM feels awful and I am annoyed with her. We are worried he is silently worried I might die. Should I say something or just let it go. He is like an elephant and never forgets anything. Am I just worrying over nothing.

You should have taken the opportunity to tell him she had died. Yes, it is a very difficult topic but he will come across bereavement. Are you expecting to protect him from the fact that people die? Until what age??

Maybe take it as an opportunity to talk to your Ds about it. Death happens, its a part of life so being open about it in a sensitive way with children will help them process it. If it's a big taboo in your house Ds may not feel able to voice their worries about it.

I agree. I wish people wouldn't use euphemisms e.g. Passed. Passed what? A test?
People die. It's a fact of life, it needs to be acknowledged for everyone's sake. It's what makes life precious.

No I don't think your mum was unreasonable, maybe using the term 'went to heaven' but your sin obviously knows what 'died' means anyway. How you reacted at the time is more important - did you reassure him? Tell him that it's very sad that sometimes people die younger than expected, but it's very rare? I think at the time was the best way to have dealt with it, unfortunately these things do happen and I don't think it's healthy to hide children away from it when the topic comes up.

He is 7. You should have had age appropriate talks with him about death well before this. That’s not your mum’s fault and YABU unreasonable to be mad at her.

I don’t know why I typed the word unreasonable in then when it was already part of the acronym!

Why does death have to be such a secret and big deal? It is a very normal part of life, I would have taken the opportunity to explain. My 4 , nearly 5 year old was 3 when her beloved grandad died and we explained he was in heaven. She accepted it and didn't question it until recently where she told me her grandpa died and was with the angels but not to worry because he was happy now. How old is your ds?

I'm really confused as to what you are "mortified" about?

Your son is 7 not 2? It's an appropriate age to
Know about life and death? My 5 year old understands the concept? Or is it the "heaven" part you object to?

My son is 6 and we've had quite a few conversations surrounding death (considering the current pandemic it felt pretty necessary). We've also talked about different beliefs as to what happens after you die. I completely appreciate it's a tough subject, but I do think it's necessary to talk about it .

It wasn't "unreasonable " ! It was just a turn of phrase. How old is your DS? Children do worry about death and dying, as soon and they make the connection that death = not here any more, and that's the same whether its Grandad or the hamster.

If he asks again, just tell him the truth, use the word "died", and maybe if its plainly bothering him, get a copy of Goodnight Mog or something.

I'm really hoping you're not going to tell us that DS is 14 or something!

Be glad at 7 your DS doesn't have first hand experience of loss op.

You are very unreasonable. A 7 year old who doesn't know about death? That's poor parenting.

Don't be annoyed at your mum, it's a natural thing to say. Just be honest with your son and answer any questions that come up. My son was 4 when his grandad died and I still thank my lucky stars I had discused death with him in an age appropriate way before it happened. Children carnt be protected fromantic very thing but can be supported in an age appropriate way.

Are you religious? Is it because she said heaven not dead?
Tell ds yes she got very ill and died it is sad.
People die.it s fact of life.
Let him talk about it.
You are not very ill I presume so he doesn't need to worry right now about you dying.
He must have seen news about covid and people dying.??
He must know his great or great great grandfather is dead?
Surely you have let him talk about it?

You’re being daft. Did you expect your ds not to find out that people die? You’re doing him a huge disservice by not having these conversations with him and allowing him to ask questions openly.

We create issues if we hide these things from our children.

People die, it’s horrible it’s sad but we don’t help anyone by pretending it doesn’t happen or by sugarcoating things too much.

My son is 5 and understands death, and not in the context of heaven either. He knows that people die for different reasons and mostly get buried in a graveyard where their bodies deteriorate and become part of the earth again.

Characters die in Disney films, I'm sure your child must be aware that people don't live forever.

I apologise for being thick and not noticing that you stated his age quite clearly in your title!!

I don't understand? What are you annoyed about? Telling your child that neighbour went to heaven? Tell them the truth them.

Or are you annoyed that your child found out that people die? How long do you plan to shield him from this fact?

Plenty of children have to go through this all the time. Without a doubt there will be at least a couple of children in your DC's school who lost a parent. It's not rare.

Unfortunately since my 8 and 10 year old were born they have lost 6 close family members so they have been brought up knowing about death. I think it depends on circumstances to be honest.

Ridiculous. Why were you 'mortified' about him asking if she'd died?

Unfortunately some people do die young my DH ,sister died very suddenly six years ago when ds was 8, obviously he was very sad about it ,but he didn't dwell on it or worry that me or his dad would die
Regarding saying Someone went to heaven ,I suppose it depends on your beliefs?

You're "mortified" and annoyed with your Mum?

Sorry but you really need to get a grip. He asked if she died because you were confusing him by skirting around the truth.

Are you going to pretend people don't die forever?

Yabvu. Children need to know about death. My 3 year old knows his grandad is dead. Just dead. No weird euphemisms. Really at 7 your child should know this. You're doing him no favours.

All you should be doing here is reassuring your DM that she's done nothing wrong (because she hasn't). Have you spoken to her?

Your DS should know age appropriate facts about death. All children should.