Given women tips to “stay safe” following sexual attacks in my area - AIBU to be annoyed by this?

[brokenspoon]

Sadly several women were sexually assaulted in my local area last week. The local authority have sent out an email first of all stating that the police is investigating, however then follows a long list of “tips” for women to stay safe, including:

• not travelling alone at night
• using taxis rather than walking
• making sure your phone is fully charged

For some reason this has angered me. I loathe the language around violence against women. Messages like this I believe place the responsibility with women, rather than the attackers. Like when we get attacked it is because we were walking out alone, or because our phone wasn’t charged. Which of course isn’t true. Women get raped because men choose to rape them.

To me it smacks of “it’s her fault because she was drunk/wearing a short skirt”.

Am I unreasonable in feeling this way?
What should such a letter say instead? I appreciate the local authority is unlikely to sent out a letter with tips telling men how not to rape, although frankly that would probably be more appropriate!

I can see why this is annoying, but I think it's a case of the LA recognising that we have to deal in reality, not ideals. The reality is that we are at risk from men, and there are some practical things we can do to reduce this.

I agree that action needs to be taken to reduce the risk from the perpetrators' perspective but this isn't something that can be fixed overnight and in the meantime we should do what we can to make ourselves safe.

These "tips" obviously shouldn't be necessary, but if they keep at least one person safe, I have no issue with them.

Yes and no.

Yes, because we live in the world as it is, not as it should be, and criminals exist. Taking precautions against crime is prudent, and we take many steps without even thinking about it - who leaves doors unlocked these days?

But no, not unreasonably to question why these messages are needed, to highlight what it means for society when the burden of behaviour is placed on those who are smaller and weaker , with nothing about the perpetrators

How we socialise our young people is the hope of better going forward, it's one of the important ways to be tough on the causes of crime. Looking at what messages are being internalised is an important strand in this.

Young men up to age 26 are those most likely to be victims of stranger attack - do we hear the same messages telling men to avoid the streets? Unoackaging the readings why not, and thinking about who the streets 'belong' to is definitely worth it.

But abandoning precautions before other measures are in place could be unfortunate

The end result we all want is that women are safe wherever and whenever they travel, exercise, work etc.

In the long term, that means changing some men's, and society's attitudes. But it will take time.

In the mean time, to ensure you get home safely next Thursday night, the advice is offered. I wouldn't put myself at increased risk over an argument on what is 'fair'. Short term pragmatism will keep you safe to fight for long term change.

Unfortunately rapists can't be fixed with a handy leaflet.

What we as women can do is all those listed. Its not victim blaming, it's realistic ways to safeguard yourself

YADNBU It makes me sick. Women, you must curtail your freedom and adjust your behaviour.
Where's the information campaign telling blokes to adjust their behaviour?
How about telling men, don't go out alone at night because you might get the urge to assault a passing woman.
No, that would be ridiculous.

In an ideal word those tips are necessary but unfortunately we all have to live in the real world! Those tips are common sense, I would say the same to my daughter, society is not going to change overnight and everyone needs to use common sense when out alone.

Nope YANBU. Women spend their entire lives being bombarded with advice on how not to get raped. Do the LA really think women haven’t heard of taxis for example? (Though of course women do get raped in taxis) or haven’t been told a zillion times not to walk alone after dark? (even though in the UK in winter it gets dark at 4pm)

I’d rather they spent money on projects tackling issues around misogyny and consent for men

I think YABU, just because there are tips given out you don't have to follow them.

Personally I always do those things anyway and encourage my male DCs to do the same. I just think they are sensible rules for all of us for life in certain places. You can argue against it, be annoyed, it ultimately doesn't change the fact that both sexes can come across the wrong person at the wrong time and that that sort of behaviour often happens after dark.

It is maddening in a general sense but it also makes sense. I guess they are saying there is a current increased threat and please be vigilant while we try to fix it.

Would you feel angry if they said there has been a number of burglaries recently, make sure to keep your house and possessions secure?

YANBU

Not only is it victim blaming but it's very patronising. We spend our whole lives keeping ourselves safe by not walking alone in the dark etc etc, show me one woman who hasn't got this lost of 'tips' already engrained in her mind. Wtf are they thinking?! That you'll read the leaflet and go in good idea to keep my phone charged, I never thought of that...when we already walk home pretending to speak on the phone to an imaginary male partner just to appear less vulnerable...with our keys in our hand as a weapon.

Men are much more likely to be victims of violence in public. Can you imagine them.sending a similar leaflet out to all men telling them to charge their fucking phones?!

Typos. Angry.

So if there's a serial killer doing the rounds targeting a particular group is it not common sense to take steps to protect yourself? Would expect police to keep quiet?

It's not victim blaming at all it's trying to mitigate risk. Your choice if you want to follow advice or not.

Whether it's police or another agency if they just kept quiet and withheld information there'd be uproar, they can't win.

I agree, this makes my blood boil

• as usual women are making the adjustments, not men. Where’s the advice for men?
• it implies that if you are walking at night/your phone is empty and you get attacked then it’s partly your fault, the old ‘asking for it’ syndrome
• it’s not short term pragmatism - this had been going on for millennia, it prevents the game changing
• the ‘advice’ is infantile and patronising - “don’t walk alone in the dark” - great, thanks for mansplaining that to me, I couldn’t possibly have worked it out for myself

My blood is boiling.

The letter should say:

Although it may be frightening to hear about these attacks, we want to reassure all women that public assaults are very rare. Please continue to live your lives as you would.

If you have recently been a victim of sexual violence, or if hearing about these attacks has brought up memories of historic sexual violence, then you can contact your local rape crisis centre for support. (Details of rape crisis centre)

Would you feel angry if they said there has been a number of burglaries recently, make sure to keep your house and possessions secure?

Absolutely this. My house, driveway and garage have to be like Fort Knox to protect the cars. It shouldn’t have to be like this but there are scum out there (men again) who want to take what I have. FWIW I’ve never attacked, sexually assaulted or raped a women and I can’t really work out how you’d educate men not to do this, surely as a decent human being you know this is not acceptable.

To the PP saying it makes sense ...it does it make fucking sense. How is a charged phone going to protect you from a man who is twice your size and strength. How is taking a taxi a guarentee or protection when women aren't even safe getting into police cars?

What makes sense is to target, punish and criminalise violent men and eliminate widespread misogyny

Uts infuriating. Did it also say that the will be increasing patrols to keep women safe? Or that they have put extra police on the case to find the perpetrators? Did it appeal for information about the men doing this?!

I can accept that women need to be more careful while simultaneously finding it enraging. But I cannot accept the one sided nature of these sorts of announcements.

I agree with @Arbadacarba and everyone else. I feel that much more needs to be done in PHSE lessons at school to educate young people about consent and respect, but to deal with the here and now women to need to be extra vigilant. In a way it’s no different from locking your house up or wearing a seatbelt. There will always be dishonest people or bad drivers around, and you need to be realistic. It isn’t victim blaming, just being sensible.

Just sticking your head in the sand and saying we shuldn't have to do this won't stop a would be rapist.

I'm sick and tired of women being told to curtail their activities because of violent and predatory men.

YANBU.

These were in response to a live situation, more than one person in a week has been assaulted by a stranger in the locality (contrary to what you might imagine this is not common, most assailants are known to their victim). The risk of repeat or escalating to a worse crime is real so they issued emergency guidance, they would have done similarly if there had been attacks on young men alone too.

I completely agree that we should not need such discriminatory advice but the perpetrator(s) don't seem to be of that mindset!

There is somewhat of a blurry line between victim blaming and salient advice. The fact though is women are at risk, the advice is "take steps to try to avoid you being the victim." not "If it goes wrong, it's your fault."

I guess you think the Suzy Lamplugh trust is victim blaming then, or maybe her Mum never wanted someone else's family to go through what they have.

www.suzylamplugh.org/

However you continue to do whatever because 'men shouldn't rape' I will continue to take steps to help ensure my safety.

None of this is stuff we don’t already know, we know all this, we’re told it a million times! If the LA had come up with some magic new thing we’d not thought of to avoid being raped, that would be great but they haven’t

It’s the same old list we have drummed into us from when we are children. The only way to prevent being raped is not to be anywhere alone with a man and that is utterly impossible

I can see why this is annoying, but I think it's a case of the LA recognising that we have to deal in reality, not ideals.

This.

To me, it feels no different to the safety advice we give to our children - "don't talk to strangers" etc. We shouldn't have to do this, of course - we wish all strangers were lovely to our children. But the reality is that they aren't.

(Not comparing women to children, obviously, just using an analogy of ideal vs sad reality).

There is somewhat of a blurry line between victim blaming and salient advice. The fact though is women are at risk, the advice is "take steps to try to avoid you being the victim." not "If it goes wrong, it's your fault."

Also agree with this. I see victim blaming as something that takes place after an offence has been committed, when people (unfairly) point out what the person could / should have done to prevent it. Safety measures advised beforehand in a risky situation, I don't view as the same thing.