Given women tips to “stay safe” following sexual attacks in my area - AIBU to be annoyed by this?

[brokenspoon]

Sadly several women were sexually assaulted in my local area last week. The local authority have sent out an email first of all stating that the police is investigating, however then follows a long list of “tips” for women to stay safe, including:

• not travelling alone at night
• using taxis rather than walking
• making sure your phone is fully charged

For some reason this has angered me. I loathe the language around violence against women. Messages like this I believe place the responsibility with women, rather than the attackers. Like when we get attacked it is because we were walking out alone, or because our phone wasn’t charged. Which of course isn’t true. Women get raped because men choose to rape them.

To me it smacks of “it’s her fault because she was drunk/wearing a short skirt”.

Am I unreasonable in feeling this way?
What should such a letter say instead? I appreciate the local authority is unlikely to sent out a letter with tips telling men how not to rape, although frankly that would probably be more appropriate!

[quote LucieStar]@Hailtomyteeth

Would you want male paramedics, doctors, firefighters, police officers, prison officers, etc ... to stay indoors after dark too?

So these professions would be staffed only by females after dark? [/quote]
I know the point you’re trying to make here but genuinely, I would love this.

It's good the LA are being proactive and informing women of the current risk in the local area. The individual can weigh up the risk and plan ahead if they need to arrange transport.

Yes Yabu there are women who may have walked home alone without a thought on a dark night and seeing the tips might make her stop and take different measures thereby avoiding a possible situation.
Do you get angry for no reason a lot?

@Pumperthepumper

I see why but I don't think the female officers themselves would love it, though?

Imagine if a few of the curfewed males decided to fuck the rules off and go out to cause trouble. There'd only be female police officers on the streets to deal with them, with no male back up if needed. Male prisons, too. Staffed entirely by female officers. There'd be riots and assaults all over the place.

2 reasons why this is unacceptable

1. Why should women curtail their activities because of predatory men
2. Who out there in the seven layers of hell thinks women are so stupid we need to be told this - believe us - we all know this - we live with it every day.

Send the letter to men telling them how to not rape and what happens if they do.

@brokenspoon

Sadly several women were sexually assaulted in my local area last week. The local authority have sent out an email first of all stating that the police is investigating, however then follows a long list of “tips” for women to stay safe, including:

• not travelling alone at night
• using taxis rather than walking
• making sure your phone is fully charged

For some reason this has angered me. I loathe the language around violence against women. Messages like this I believe place the responsibility with women, rather than the attackers. Like when we get attacked it is because we were walking out alone, or because our phone wasn’t charged. Which of course isn’t true. Women get raped because men choose to rape them.

To me it smacks of “it’s her fault because she was drunk/wearing a short skirt”.

Am I unreasonable in feeling this way?
What should such a letter say instead? I appreciate the local authority is unlikely to sent out a letter with tips telling men how not to rape, although frankly that would probably be more appropriate!

Try a thought experiment:

What if there was a serial murderer of gay men active in yourarea. Would it be ok for police to put out advice to gay men about staying safe until he was caught?

Or say, muggings of elderly people.

If these things are ok, I'd say this was similar.

- not travelling alone at night
- using taxis rather than walking
- making sure your phone is fully charged

Carry a sharp knife /object to stab aggressor
Wear a camera
Record any approaching Male on your phone in case he is aggressive and you need proof for court
Carry pepper spray

I keep thinking maybe women should have a discreet body camera in case of harassment - finally googled them, most are 200 quid plus, but amazon has this with 4stars
www.amazon.co.uk/HD1080P-Recorder-Wearable-Enforcement-Security/dp/B08CY4RR9X/ref=asc_df_B08CY4RR9X/?hvlocphy&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=o&hvadid&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-4583520392511476&hvrand

Send the letter to men telling them how to not rape and what happens if they do.

Given some sex offenders can spend years and years in psychological rehabilitation programmes in prison and still leave with some degree of risk of reoffending, I can guarantee you a letter in the post isn't going to have much impact.

There are things you can do to reduce/increase your chance of being raped. It's sensible to do things to reduce that risk. You lock your car, you lock your house, you microchip your dog, you don't lend out your bank card, yes people shouldn't be criminals, but they are, we will always have rapists, murderers, thieves, you do need to do things to protect yourself from them. It's irresponsible to think that you shouldn't.

Carry pepper spray

Unfortunately these sprays apparently are illegal to use

Do you have an issue with advice being given out about how to prevent burglaries and car thefts too? 🤔

@Whatwouldscullydo

Carry pepper spray

Unfortunately these sprays apparently are illegal to use

Yes. As is the carrying of an offensive weapon such as a knife.

[quote LucieStar]@Pumperthepumper

I see why but I don't think the female officers themselves would love it, though?

Imagine if a few of the curfewed males decided to fuck the rules off and go out to cause trouble. There'd only be female police officers on the streets to deal with them, with no male back up if needed. Male prisons, too. Staffed entirely by female officers. There'd be riots and assaults all over the place. [/quote]
I don’t believe for one second that you think female officers are weaklings who need male backup constantly to do their job, so let’s not go down that road.

It would mean the average woman is much, much safer on the streets. Particularly because there would be less risk of assault from male police officers, of which we’ve seen so many examples of in the last week alone, I’m struggling to remember them all.

*I don’t believe for one second that you think female officers are weaklings who need male backup constantly to do their job, so let’s not go down that road.
*
I don't, no - my point was not about competence or weakness, but about how female officers are likely to feel with that situation. For example, I know that female officers often appreciate the back up of male colleagues when dealing with particularly violent offenders. I also know that many female officers feel more comfortable with a male colleague doing a pat down search of a male offender, for obvious reasons.

@LucieStar

*I don’t believe for one second that you think female officers are weaklings who need male backup constantly to do their job, so let’s not go down that road. * I don't, no - my point was not about competence or weakness, but about how female officers are likely to feel with that situation. For example, I know that female officers often appreciate the back up of male colleagues when dealing with particularly violent offenders. I also know that many female officers feel more comfortable with a male colleague doing a pat down search of a male offender, for obvious reasons.

Well, let’s give it a go and see how we get on. I still think it would result in a massive decrease in attacks.

@Pumperthepumper

And what about prison staffing? You'd think it an entirely safe situation to have a female only staff team in a male prison, which houses some of the most violent and dangerous men in the country?

[quote LucieStar]@Pumperthepumper

And what about prison staffing? You'd think it an entirely safe situation to have a female only staff team in a male prison, which houses some of the most violent and dangerous men in the country? [/quote]
Yes. Don’t you? It’s their job.

For example I know a few female prison officers who do not feel happy to restrain particular male prisoners by themselves without at least a male presence - due to the nature of their offences and the fact that they get off sexually on having female officers put hands on them. Male prisoners would exploit this, left right and centre. I certainly wouldn't want to be one of the officers on that shift.

@Pumperthepumper

It may be their job I can tell you having worked in male prison environments myself with some highly risky and predatory men, there's not a chance in hell I'd be willing to go on shift with no male staff back up. And I know many who's say the same. For good reasons.

@LucieStar

For example I know a few female prison officers who do not feel happy to restrain particular male prisoners by themselves without at least a male presence - due to the nature of their offences and the fact that they get off sexually on having female officers put hands on them. Male prisoners would exploit this, left right and centre. I certainly wouldn't want to be one of the officers on that shift.

So then we need to look at systems we can put in place where a group of female officers attend prisoners together.

Not, ah they can’t do their actual job without a man, poor things.

YANBU. It would make much more sense to send a leaflet saying “due to recent attacks we have increased police presence in the area and any men out after dark should expect to be stopped and interviewed about the purpose for their trip”.

THAT would be taking actual action to stop this!

Yeah, I agree, I know female guards in men's prisons. Aside from the fact that you'd need men because the prisoners are within their rights to want male guards in certain intimate situations, if people think there aren't situations where male prisoners will make of taking advantage of female guards, they are pretty naive.

To some extent, if you aren't willing to deal with anti-social people, prison guard isn't a suitable job. But it's also not going to be a good thing to have that kind of dynamic going on in the prison.

So then we need to look at systems we can put in place where a group of female officers attend prisoners together.

Most prisoners are attended at least in pairs anyway if there's an issue. But you'd still only have females to put hands on. And with my knowledge of these environments and the level of risk these men pose (mostly towards women), I'm saying quite strongly that I wouldn't want to be part of an all female restraint team for a sex offender who knew there were no male officers around and could try his luck. Unless you've worked on the inside of a male prison, it's impossible to know what that would feel like.

@SmokedDuck

Yes exactly- also for privacy and dignity reasons, male prisoners are entitled to have access to a male officer. In the same way female prisoners are entitled to access to a female officer.