Given women tips to “stay safe” following sexual attacks in my area - AIBU to be annoyed by this?

[brokenspoon]

Sadly several women were sexually assaulted in my local area last week. The local authority have sent out an email first of all stating that the police is investigating, however then follows a long list of “tips” for women to stay safe, including:

• not travelling alone at night
• using taxis rather than walking
• making sure your phone is fully charged

For some reason this has angered me. I loathe the language around violence against women. Messages like this I believe place the responsibility with women, rather than the attackers. Like when we get attacked it is because we were walking out alone, or because our phone wasn’t charged. Which of course isn’t true. Women get raped because men choose to rape them.

To me it smacks of “it’s her fault because she was drunk/wearing a short skirt”.

Am I unreasonable in feeling this way?
What should such a letter say instead? I appreciate the local authority is unlikely to sent out a letter with tips telling men how not to rape, although frankly that would probably be more appropriate!

Ideal world yes of course they shouldn't have to put something like this out for women.

Reality if there is attacks in the area the perpetrators don't give two hoots about the message shouldn't be on women to have to protect themselves.
If it stops a potential attack then that's better than the moral highground.

I would love to not do certain behaviours but I've been conditioned to be aware of my surroundings and not take risks on my own and won't walk certain ways in the dark. Of course it should never be that way but it's a long road to change that!

Taking precautions in any walk of life is to be recommended surely, from locking your door at night to wearing a bicycle helmets

@Hailtomyteeth

It doesn't just apply to offenders. If all men stayed indoors, the potential offenders would be noticeable by being out!

They'd probably take to cross-dressing, like the Cambridge rapist (1970s) did.

Mind you, he broke into women's homes, so even staying in was no protection.

not travelling alone at night - Unless you happen to work with the person you live with and work the same shifts or drive and can park close to you work how is this practical advice for any woman that works shifts or after 4/5pm in the Winter?

using taxis rather than walking - great, can you afford a taxi everytime you need to be outside after daylight hours (and that's without considering people such as John Worbouys)?

making sure your phone is fully charged

• exactly how does that help stop you from getting assaulted as apparently when you do phone the police and inform them of an immediate threat they are too busy to come out for two days: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-56468233

It isn't just that these "tips" are unlikely to keep many women safe, or that they are billed (and seen here by some PPs) as a short term solution to an immediate problem, it is that again and again and again not being assaulted becomes the woman's responsibility. And these are not short term solutions, how many of us, since we were teens, have had this reinforced: don't go out at night, don't go out alone, always be vigilant. Women's worlds are made smaller and smaller, the spheres where we are 'allowed' are ever diminishing and we quietly agree - well 'they' are trying to keep us safe.

When did men last receive messages like this? As a PP stated males under 26 are most likely to be physically assaulted, when was the last time you saw leaflets telling them to stay at home after dark or only travel in pairs? Oh but, they might be police officers or other important roles that need to be out alone after dark - well so are women!!

As long as it is seen as our responsibility to avoid being assaulted rather than mens responsibility not to assault us and societies responsibility to address the engrained and structural misogyny that allows it to happen no amount of keeping your phone charged, walking in pairs or taking taxis is going to make a blind bit of difference.

YABU. This world is full of dangers. We'll never be able to stop the horrible people and they're absolutely everywhere. If there's an active predator on the hunt in your area then you have to take precautions. That's all. It's not "putting blame on the victim". If you still got raped you would have as much support as possible and the attacker/s would be hunted down (hopefully caught). All they're asking is for you to try and keep yourself a bit safer. If there was a lion outside would you run around with a steak in your handbag? The more I think about this the more unreasonable I think you're being. It sounds like an entitled and priavailaged stance.

I don't see it as any different to getting a message saying there's been a spate of burlary/car theft/pickpocketing and to be aware. It isn't saying it is your own fault at all, no one is saying attackers/burglars/car thieves/pickpockets are justified in committing crimes and no one is saying rapists/sex attackers are justified.

Personally I don't understand why having a phone makes anyone safe, in fact I think they can give a false sense of security. One mum said to me that she let her 13 or 14 year old DD out later as she had a phone to keep her safe. I mean how? Do you hit them with it? Or you could phone someone so they can hear you being attacked, unless you are virtually on your doorstep they aren't going to get to you in time to save you. I suppose it does mean someone can come and find you afterwards. Although one thing that could be useful is taking a photo of taxi before you get in, one give reg number of taxi driver's badge. If he knows he can be easily identified it might deter him from committing a crime but having said that I don't know if attacks by taxi drivers is common Warboys apart.

I think the message should say something about the authorities taking measures to find the perpetrators but I don't think they should give details as that information could be useful to the perpetrators.

It should also give a phone number for information.

Personally I don't see it as victim blaming but as common sense and doing something to protect yourself which is within your control and immediately effective. We would all like to live in an ideal world where this is not necessary but unfortunately we can only influence our own behaviour in the short term and not that of someone who is out to attack a random person. You are not going to stop a rapist intent on attacking you by explaining that they need to change their behaviour and that it is wrong. They know this but in this case have already proved that it doesn't matter to them.

When did men last receive messages like this? As a PP stated males under 26 are most likely to be physically assaulted, when was the last time you saw leaflets telling them to stay at home after dark or only travel in pairs? Oh but, they might be police officers or other important roles that need to be out alone after dark - well so are women!!

Then perhaps the solution is that men and women need to work together to resolve the issues, given it's impractical for either group to just "stay home after dark".

" they would have done similarly if there had been attacks on young men alone too"

I disagree- I have never, ever seen guidance to young men to walk in pairs or take taxis at night even when young men were being stabbed and shot in the streets.

Tips like this are annoying because if you have no option but to do one of the things they're saying you shouldn't - what then? is it your fault? Were you asking for it because you weren't being a good girl and staying home?

I'd mail back and ask, tbh. And then I'd ask how they're going to ensure that women who can't follow these tips (shift workers etc) are being facilitated to carry on working.

I agree that we have to deal in reality. I think there's quite a gap between avoid walking at night by yourself if you can to 'she was wearing a short skirt'. All we can do is our reasonable best then what will happen is entirely out of our hands. Taxis aren't necessarily very safe either but I would rather get one home than walk iyswim?

More effective than telling rapists not to rape, unfortunately.

@IAmMeThisIsI

YABU. This world is full of dangers. We'll never be able to stop the horrible people and they're absolutely everywhere. If there's an active predator on the hunt in your area then you have to take precautions. That's all. It's not "putting blame on the victim". If you still got raped you would have as much support as possible and the attacker/s would be hunted down (hopefully caught). All they're asking is for you to try and keep yourself a bit safer. If there was a lion outside would you run around with a steak in your handbag? The more I think about this the more unreasonable I think you're being. It sounds like an entitled and priavailaged stance.

But one could choose of course not to put a steak in one's handbag - you can't exactly choose to go out without your vagina.

you can't exactly choose to go out without your vagina.

None of the advice listed in the OP is to go out without your vagina. It's things that can be chosen, like removing the steak from the handbag.

@M4J4

What LA is this OP? I'd love to tweet the fuckers.

I was wondering that.

I was thinking of suggesting that they offer to subsidise night-time taxi fares to lone women temporarily, so they can afford to get cabs home. Then they'd just have to hope that the driver isn't an aspiring John Worboys.

Women already earn less than men, on average. A lot of low-paid occupations also involve evening working (cleaning, hospitality, retail). A woman finishing a shift at my local Tesco at 10pm might not be able to afford the £5 that is the minimum fare for a taxi here at that time of night.

Staying safe isn't cheap.

But more young men are killed than women. Isn’t it time to instil some fear into men about the dangers of being out late at night?

The main safety tip for everyone is ' don't walk round with your hearing blocked' that isn't just to reduce the odds of being raped, but also of being run down.

The dickhead oblivious headphone brigade are a menace whatever is between their legs.

YADNBU It makes me sick. Women, you must curtail your freedom and adjust your behaviour.
Where's the information campaign telling blokes to adjust their behaviour?
How about telling men, don't go out alone at night because you might get the urge to assault a passing woman.
No, that would be ridiculous.

Well of course it would be fucking ridiculous. The men who are actually inclined to attack women aren’t going to decide against it on advice are they. They already have zero morals.

But we know that, actually, except when there are a spate of cases, it is still quite rare. So actually, the "good men" can stay home and the vast majority of women can go about their lives without a care, taking the usual precautions if they do see a man about.

Frankly the horrified pearl-clutching that goes on among men and women when it is suggested - usually as an attention grabber - that men actually do something to help, is astounding.

Also for pp who said something like "meh then all emergency services would have to be staffed by women" - get a grip.
First the women working in the emergency services are entirely capable of doing their jobs so why is it a problem?
Curfews always make allowances for people like emergency services, or accidents to be covered. So it's a stupid thing to assert.

So yeah - the usual caveats about not putting yourself in danger (don't drink and drive, wear a seatbelt, don't cross the pedestrian lights at red etc etc) apply because we're not children. We know all this. The only thing an LA needs to say is: x number of y type of crime happened over the last week in z area. And everyone can make their own risk assessment and take their necessary precautions.

Yanbu

This "advice" is ridiculous and not possible half the time.

Never walk alone? OK so how does the last women get home then ?

Taxi? Has everyone forgotten the the news story where a young girl was assaulted and raped and when she finally managed to get away and get help she got into a taxi akd the taxi driver raped her too. In fact I stopped getting taxis fir years after many drivers used to ask really personal/inappropriate questions that i preferred to take my chances with walking home alone at night. I get taxis occasionally now but but now at least the driver and car reg is text to you so there's a record of who picked u up.

And a fully charged phone...well How's that going to help you against a.man twice your size and strength. Like it won't be knocked out your hand and/or stolen ffrom you. Is this phone thing so you can drag your mates out of bed when you finish work to come walk.with you? Statistically it is usually someone you know so male work colleagues and friends walking you home technically puts you aren't a higher risk than walking alone surely?

You don't always gave to take taxis, i've always cycled home after a night shift nights out (unless big night out)

Also for pp who said something like "meh then all emergency services would have to be staffed by women" - get a grip.
First the women working in the emergency services are entirely capable of doing their jobs so why is it a problem?
Curfews always make allowances for people like emergency services, or accidents to be covered. So it's a stupid thing to assert.

Get a grip - lovely. Are some people unable to assert their opinions without resorting to this level of communication?

The pp who I was responding to on this point, listed criteria number 1 as "men to stay home after dark". She didn't say "with the exception of emergency personnel", nor did she come back with an answer to my question when I queried if she had considered this.

And I agree that women are entirely capable of doing their jobs without male support. However, given the premise of this thread is that men are stronger than women and frequently use their physical size and aggression to dominate and offend against women, I assumed that the idea of a female only police force on the streets after dark might feel alarming to some. Yes they're well trained, but they'll be wrestling with and restraining men, right? Surely a bit of back up from male colleagues might be useful there.

Bold fail

If a phone is pointless may I ask if parents of kids old enough to be out after dark would prefer their kids to have their phone with them? And if so, why?

@MorrisZapp

If a phone is pointless may I ask if parents of kids old enough to be out after dark would prefer their kids to have their phone with them? And if so, why?

100x yes I feel so much better when my teen daughter has her phone with her. In fact she's not allowed to go anywhere without it being fully charged.

I go absolutely nowhere without my phone. Reminding people to keep them charged when out on their own is simply common sense.