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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is weird?

143 replies

Primeaddict · 20/03/2021 22:31

DP and I are meant to be getting married this year. His stag has been planned by his best friends - I know the dates as I helped clear them. I wasn’t told the destination.

It then came up in conversation with our friends who are a couple - he is going on the stag, she is my bridesmaid/close friend. He said how he doesn’t think the stag will go ahead as the country has high Covid rates and its planned for the week following May 17th (travel being allowed).

I know DP isn’t meant to know yet, but I text the girl to ask where it was so I could google rates as I know how excited he is. She said she cannot tell me and everyone has been told to not tell me.

Now, she is fully aware of this, but I have severe anxiety and OCD. She has been there when I am breaking down because I “need” to know things. I am in therapy etc. I wasn’t at all concerned about the stag (he goes abroad with friends every year) but now it’s a secret and I can’t know I’ve become a slight mess.

I wouldnt tell him and it’s not like people know us for over sharing etc.

So, is it weird?

YABU - no, they want it to be a surprise
YANBU - it’s weird to not tell you, DP is the only one it should be a secret to.

OP posts:
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:46

I'm on a really tedious shift which is unlikely to throw up any issues. Do you have time for this? I literally am sitting here in case of issues which are highly unlikely to happen. What are you up to? Do you really have the time to waste on this?

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:47

One bully. One addict.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:48

I am not wounded. Internet people don't matter. When they start to you need to get help. As I said. I have conceded and discussed. It's awfully silly to ignore that just because of your own needs.

NormanStangerson · 21/03/2021 15:56

Well this has been derailed.

One thing though, why is what you're posting @Kindperson ‘an observation’ but what those replying to you are saying is ‘bullying’ or ‘picking’?

bluegreygreen · 21/03/2021 16:00

The trouble is Kindperson you haven't been particularly kind or helpful to OP - which is after all the point of this thread

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 16:07

Agreed. Although I don't think the OP has a hugely valid point in the scheme of things and is being a little controlling but agreed. I am sorry I broke the thread. But it you keep missing my point. I am allowed to stand up for myself and call others out. As I have said I have conceded on some things and at no time tried to belittle anyone. If I left, this bullying culture will win. Again, I ask why you continue to poke. I have made it clear I conceded to points and stand by others but you just just can't stop. And again I ask why? Don't you have things to do? I literally don't, am sitting in a Standby room. If I were at home I wouldn't be wasting my time on people who clearly are not prepared to meet in the middle or at least read my posts. Again, says more about you than me. Get over it and move on

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 17:43

@Kindperson

One bully. One addict.
Calling a regular poster an addict is bullying, imo.
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 17:45

Unless they are?

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 17:45

@Kindperson

Agreed. Although I don't think the OP has a hugely valid point in the scheme of things and is being a little controlling but agreed. I am sorry I broke the thread. But it you keep missing my point. I am allowed to stand up for myself and call others out. As I have said I have conceded on some things and at no time tried to belittle anyone. If I left, this bullying culture will win. Again, I ask why you continue to poke. I have made it clear I conceded to points and stand by others but you just just can't stop. And again I ask why? Don't you have things to do? I literally don't, am sitting in a Standby room. If I were at home I wouldn't be wasting my time on people who clearly are not prepared to meet in the middle or at least read my posts. Again, says more about you than me. Get over it and move on
Why do you have to stand up for yourself and call people out? Nobody is picking on you. They are just stating their observations, opinions and thoughts, just like you. Why can't you just have a normal conversation?
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 17:49

Because I have said everything a million times. I am no more a bad person than anyone else but wnen a bully piles on everyone follows and I can't let that happen.

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 18:11

No-one is bullying you though.

I'm going to stop feeding the troll now.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 18:24

Back at you. I'm still here open for. Discussion. Was waiting to be called a troll for bei g new on here. Happy bingo, enjoy the winnings Biscuit

Original poster
Primeaddict · 21/03/2021 21:01

@gutful I don’t need to drop him off, I’d rather not, I’ve been asked to. We live hundreds of miles from everyone else on the stag.

I don’t want to control the situation. I wouldn’t have really cared otherwise, it’s it being a secret I think is just a bit odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Primeaddict · 21/03/2021 21:03

@Kindperson can you leave my thread please, 4 pages of nothing helpful has really not been great.

My DP doesn’t agree with sexual violence, he doesn’t like underage girls(?????), he’s thin (why does this matter) and he doesn’t see a stag as his last night of freedom, he just sees it as a holiday which will revolve around him and we all love attention

OP posts:
Skysblue · 21/03/2021 21:33

It’s very unlikely they’ll be permitted to travel abroad in May.

They’re being dicks not telling you the destination, especially since you have anxiety and have asked. It is weird they think that’s ok.

Given the news today re the government refusing to say we can leave the UK this summer, maybe have a chat with your partner about cancelling the stag / rearranging for a UK event.

Or just say look with covid soaring in Europe the idea of knowing you’re overseas but not knowing where is making me miserable and this is supposed be a fun celebration of our relationship not a thing to make me miserable. How do we fix this.

The problem is not you it’s whoever suggested having him go overseas in a pandemic without knowing the destination.

InsufferablePerformanceFather · 22/03/2021 21:53

Reading the op, I thought the couple were going to be 18, not in their 30's. Does anyone else think it all sounds pretty childish ( getting excited about secret stags, hiding the info from the intended)?
The grown up couples I know discussed everything about their wedding. I was 30 when I married and we would have considered this performance to be pretty infantile.
Sorry, just my opinion.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 22/03/2021 22:48

Does anyone else think it all sounds pretty childish ( getting excited about secret stags, hiding the info from the intended)?

Not really.

TheStoic · 23/03/2021 01:33

I would be very pissed off if my friends wouldn't tell me something I asked.

It's got nothing to do with your anxiety, OP.

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