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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is weird?

143 replies

Primeaddict · 20/03/2021 22:31

DP and I are meant to be getting married this year. His stag has been planned by his best friends - I know the dates as I helped clear them. I wasn’t told the destination.

It then came up in conversation with our friends who are a couple - he is going on the stag, she is my bridesmaid/close friend. He said how he doesn’t think the stag will go ahead as the country has high Covid rates and its planned for the week following May 17th (travel being allowed).

I know DP isn’t meant to know yet, but I text the girl to ask where it was so I could google rates as I know how excited he is. She said she cannot tell me and everyone has been told to not tell me.

Now, she is fully aware of this, but I have severe anxiety and OCD. She has been there when I am breaking down because I “need” to know things. I am in therapy etc. I wasn’t at all concerned about the stag (he goes abroad with friends every year) but now it’s a secret and I can’t know I’ve become a slight mess.

I wouldnt tell him and it’s not like people know us for over sharing etc.

So, is it weird?

YABU - no, they want it to be a surprise
YANBU - it’s weird to not tell you, DP is the only one it should be a secret to.

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 21/03/2021 12:30

It's clear you aren't interested in a healthy conversation or debate. It's a shame, because if you conducted yourself better, people might actually listen and give you a chance educate and thus you make the difference you desperately want. But you do you, narrow minded and all. Take care.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 12:33

Mama thank you. It's not that I don't want to debate it's just I don't tolerate bullying. But you are right an innocent comment resulted in a pile on and wasting several hours of my life which is stupid. I just can't bear the way the self appointed mumsnet police bully people.

gutful · 21/03/2021 12:40

You want to know

You don’t need to know

In my experience people with anxiety / OCD disorders can be intimate to ally controlling because they feel the need to control the word & those around them in order to feel better about a Situation

You need to eat, go to the toilet & sleep

You don’t need to know where the stag do is

You don’t even need to drop him off to their airport or pick him up

You perceive that you need these things but they will not kill you if you don’t get what you want.

gutful · 21/03/2021 12:40

Can be unintentionally* controlling due to their anxiety / OCD

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 12:49

@Kindperson

What an awfully silly comment. He wouldn't go on a stag do, he wouldn't go to a sex trade area because he is a normal human not because he is thin.
What is wrong with you?

Just because a group of men go on a weekend away that doesn't mean they are going to become prostitute users.

Just because someone goes on a stag do, that doesn't mean it has to be to a sex industry city ffs.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 12:53

He wouldn't go on a stag night because it's a bit naff. Ditto I avoid ladies afternoon teas and baby showers. Because they are naff and a bit shit.

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 12:55

Not because you don't get many invitations then?

Lampan · 21/03/2021 12:55

I don’t agree that they need to tell you but surely you could narrow it down if you know which airport and what time you are dropping him off?

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 12:58

We live overseas and people are not really like that. I think it might be a UK thing. Maybe it's a class thing

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 13:20

We don't live in the uk either and we have a condo in Thailand.

I don't know anyone or of, or have seen anyone behaving the way you assume they do.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 13:28

Lucky you. I hated Thailand. My job is in aviation and I found it pretty grim to be honest. We used to do charity work in Pattaya in our spare time, trying to get education I to families to stop them selling their girls. You may have heard of the birds and bees resort. Well worth a stay, entirely staffed by kids rescued from the sex trade and trained in hospitality.

Doingitaloneandproud · 21/03/2021 13:29

@Kindperson

We live overseas and people are not really like that. I think it might be a UK thing. Maybe it's a class thing
Maybe people just wouldn't want to invite you as you aren't a kind person, you're showing that in your postsGrin
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 13:31

Enough now. I'm easy prey because you don't agree with me but there really isn't a need to be horrible. That's all about you and your kindness, not me.

Doingitaloneandproud · 21/03/2021 13:35

@Kindperson

Enough now. I'm easy prey because you don't agree with me but there really isn't a need to be horrible. That's all about you and your kindness, not me.
You're not easy prey, you're being downright rude. Insinuating that people who attend baby showers or stag dos are a lower class, there's nothing kind in that so don't pretend you are being kind because you don't like that people call you out on rude behaviour.
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 13:42

I don't mind that. Call away. Just don't allow bullying for the sake of it. Of course the class comment was inflammatory because frankly I am fed up with the mumsnet bully being able to say what they want when they judge everyone for everything. It was a stupid comment but all I did to start with was make an innocent observation that this activity should be cinlgned to history along with many other outdated behaviors. All I did since then was respond to some really rather unpleasant comments by a poster who tends to pile in and try to upset people 24 hours a day. I agree it wasn't the right place to post my initial comment but it wasn't offensive. Of course I am fed up with this thread and with the whole damn thing but I also feel strongly that bullying people on a regular basis is not ok. End of it. I will continue to respond to comments apart from one poster because I believe I have the right to do so. But seriously, please go off and find something more interesting to do than goad me. It's not really of any value and a waste of everyone's time.

Doingitaloneandproud · 21/03/2021 13:45

@Kindperson

I don't mind that. Call away. Just don't allow bullying for the sake of it. Of course the class comment was inflammatory because frankly I am fed up with the mumsnet bully being able to say what they want when they judge everyone for everything. It was a stupid comment but all I did to start with was make an innocent observation that this activity should be cinlgned to history along with many other outdated behaviors. All I did since then was respond to some really rather unpleasant comments by a poster who tends to pile in and try to upset people 24 hours a day. I agree it wasn't the right place to post my initial comment but it wasn't offensive. Of course I am fed up with this thread and with the whole damn thing but I also feel strongly that bullying people on a regular basis is not ok. End of it. I will continue to respond to comments apart from one poster because I believe I have the right to do so. But seriously, please go off and find something more interesting to do than goad me. It's not really of any value and a waste of everyone's time.
😂😂
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 13:47

I should be flattered, I'm generally not this fascinating Grin

ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 15:00

@Kindperson

I don't mind that. Call away. Just don't allow bullying for the sake of it. Of course the class comment was inflammatory because frankly I am fed up with the mumsnet bully being able to say what they want when they judge everyone for everything. It was a stupid comment but all I did to start with was make an innocent observation that this activity should be cinlgned to history along with many other outdated behaviors. All I did since then was respond to some really rather unpleasant comments by a poster who tends to pile in and try to upset people 24 hours a day. I agree it wasn't the right place to post my initial comment but it wasn't offensive. Of course I am fed up with this thread and with the whole damn thing but I also feel strongly that bullying people on a regular basis is not ok. End of it. I will continue to respond to comments apart from one poster because I believe I have the right to do so. But seriously, please go off and find something more interesting to do than goad me. It's not really of any value and a waste of everyone's time.
In other words, 'I'm losing the arguement' 😂
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:11

No in other words, read my posts. I only object to o epostfrom one poster. I am not losinh anything, it's not a competition.
As I previously said I am here to answer your call outs and should be accountable. The only person who has done that is Mama and I hope I have returned the respect. Adding a laughing face doesn't make you have a stronger argument, just explains the culture of this site which is not ok.

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:16

Just get over it, we don't agree, never mind. Move on

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/03/2021 15:25

@Kindperson

Enough now. I'm easy prey because you don't agree with me but there really isn't a need to be horrible. That's all about you and your kindness, not me.
‘Easy prey’? All you’ve done is hurl insults and trot out accusations of bullying in response. It’s very easy to cry bullying - but can you provide a single concrete example?
Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:36

Yes I can. But I shan't because that person is no longer a person I will acknowledge. Once again, what is your fascination with me? I made an innocent and ill posted statement about consigning stag dos to history along with other inappropriate activities and then reacted to some unpleasant behavior. Why not just ignore me? I hope I must be fairly insignificant in your life so please ask yourself, what is your motivation to keep piling on?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/03/2021 15:39

Again, no one is ‘obsessed’ or ‘piling on’. You’re surely just as capable of ignoring comments as I am or anyone else is - so why not take your own advice?

Kindperson · 21/03/2021 15:42

I can't ignore because you are aiming comments at me and I believe I have a right to speak up. However, if you posted something I didn't agree with, I would sail past it because it's a big world and everyone is entitled to an oponion. Just stop and think for a moment, I have either justified or conceded to everything I said so why do you feel a need to keep poking it? That's about you, not me.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/03/2021 15:46

I can't ignore because you are aiming comments at me

You mean you WON’T ignore me. You’ve judged people based on their class, their gender, their weight; you’ve accused others of bullying and dismissed regular posters as ‘the addicts’. Yet you still paint yourself as the wounded angel who just wants to be left alone.