to think this is weird?

[Primeaddict]

DP and I are meant to be getting married this year. His stag has been planned by his best friends - I know the dates as I helped clear them. I wasn’t told the destination.

It then came up in conversation with our friends who are a couple - he is going on the stag, she is my bridesmaid/close friend. He said how he doesn’t think the stag will go ahead as the country has high Covid rates and its planned for the week following May 17th (travel being allowed).

I know DP isn’t meant to know yet, but I text the girl to ask where it was so I could google rates as I know how excited he is. She said she cannot tell me and everyone has been told to not tell me.

Now, she is fully aware of this, but I have severe anxiety and OCD. She has been there when I am breaking down because I “need” to know things. I am in therapy etc. I wasn’t at all concerned about the stag (he goes abroad with friends every year) but now it’s a secret and I can’t know I’ve become a slight mess.

I wouldnt tell him and it’s not like people know us for over sharing etc.

So, is it weird?

YABU - no, they want it to be a surprise
YANBU - it’s weird to not tell you, DP is the only one it should be a secret to.

assuming that you're in the UK, and you're talking about this year, AIBU to be thinking about travelling abroad so soon solely to party, both in terms of risk of carrying covid with you, or conversely bringing it back.
Maybe you'll need to cancel the superspreader wedding because groom has covid or is stuck in an isolation hotel.

I happen to think resisting abuse of women in the name of fun IS kind. Of course we have our own holidays, actually I have my own flat in town because of my job. But when he travels, he doesn't feel a need to pay for humiliating sex with an under age girl. And their weight directly correlates with my experience. You don't see big gangs of big macho guys as much as the office types pawing and grabbing at young girls in the street. And I genuinely believe if they were to see a film of themselves, they would be horrified. In a world where people have to be given 24 hour protection for suggesting a womb makes a female, why are these women still sending their male partners away for a sanctioned last fling with someone who is very likely extremely vulnerable? I am aghast that even when faced with abuse of women, the mums still smell the blood of someone they don't agree with and go in for the kill. Especially the ones who spend 18 plus hours a day of a parenting website abusing other women by bullying them if they don't exactly totally agree with her usually incorrect views.

It's not an argument. It's a bit of a shame you make everything into an argument. It's adults talking on a mummy site ffs not a brawl in the year 9 toilets.

@Kindperson Can you show us where the OP said her husband was going on a stag do to use the services of prostitutes and the like? Something tells me you've not RTWT and jumped on a comment of a presumptuous poster...I get your argument, but this isn't the correct threat to post on about it - it's nothing to do with the OP.

**husband to be

@Kindperson

I happen to think resisting abuse of women in the name of fun IS kind. Of course we have our own holidays, actually I have my own flat in town because of my job. But when he travels, he doesn't feel a need to pay for humiliating sex with an under age girl. And their weight directly correlates with my experience. You don't see big gangs of big macho guys as much as the office types pawing and grabbing at young girls in the street. And I genuinely believe if they were to see a film of themselves, they would be horrified. In a world where people have to be given 24 hour protection for suggesting a womb makes a female, why are these women still sending their male partners away for a sanctioned last fling with someone who is very likely extremely vulnerable? I am aghast that even when faced with abuse of women, the mums still smell the blood of someone they don't agree with and go in for the kill. Especially the ones who spend 18 plus hours a day of a parenting website abusing other women by bullying them if they don't exactly totally agree with her usually incorrect views.

But when he travels, he doesn't feel a need to pay for humiliating sex with an under age girl. And their weight directly correlates with my experience.

You'd better hope your husband doesn't get flabby then. Clearly it'll turn him into a sex monster overnight

I didn't. My first post was simply saying that I am always taken aback that this is still like a normal thing. We all know the implied nuances of the words stag do and whether or not he is, a bit like when you see people smoking in pubs on 90s TV, or the racism on the good life, I am simply saying it's weird that we still say those words without referring to an outdated and no longer acceptable form of behavior. That's all. The subsequent attacks were by people who simply don't want to have a reasonable discussion and that's OK. The world is filled with all sorts, live and let live just not next door to me.

Perhaps start your own thread then? It's massively derailed this one, which is sad for the OP. Your views are valid, but misplaced on this occasion.

What an awfully silly comment. He wouldn't go on a stag do, he wouldn't go to a sex trade area because he is a normal human not because he is thin.

[quote Elouera]**@WorraLiberty* @Primeaddict*- I can't imagine needing to go abroad annually with friends once in a commited relationship.[/quote]
Now that is weird!!

I am in my 50s and take as many holidays and breaks with my mates as I do with my immediate family. I don't know anyone who doesn't.

Fair enough although it was a stupid thread about nothing in the first place. But I get your point Mama, I just hate the way the bullies wheel themselves out and I feel if I don't stick around and defend myself I am feeding their needa. But you are right. The whole thing is unlikely to go ahead while thousands of people are dying in the pandemic anyway.

@Kindperson

What an awfully silly comment. He wouldn't go on a stag do, he wouldn't go to a sex trade area because he is a normal human not because he is thin.

He wouldn't go on a stag do because he's a 'normal human'?

Honestly, you're sounding weirder and weirder with every post.

Your issues are massively derailing the OP's thread and that's without the body shaming linking weight to sexual assaults.

Maybe you could Judy back off with the endless picking comments and leave me alone then? Look back at this thread. You do not come out of it well. You look a bit desperate to pile in and it isn't working. Look how others have interacted. You do not own mumsnet, you cannot control everything everyone says all the time. Please back off and find a cause more worthy of your anger.

@Kindperson

Fair enough although it was a stupid thread about nothing in the first place. But I get your point Mama, I just hate the way the bullies wheel themselves out and I feel if I don't stick around and defend myself I am feeding their needa. But you are right. The whole thing is unlikely to go ahead while thousands of people are dying in the pandemic anyway.

You have bullied people who disagree with you, you have also said their partners aren’t normal if they have ever been on a stag do.

FYI I have never know stag trips to be associated by sex workers etc, maybe you need to consider the people you choose to associate with.

As I said, I lived in Prague and Thailand for my jobs. I don't generally associate with the type of people who have stag nights, baby showers or gender reveal type shit.

Ignoring the very boring derail / argument ...

I very much doubt that foreign travel is going to happen if you’re in the U.K. so your fiancé had better start preparing himself for an alternative plan. While I understand what you say about him talking to you as a kind of go-between who can make sure the event is tailored to his liking, he’s actually put you in a really awkward position as it’s clear the best man doesn’t know that. I think if he wants you to have a say then he needs to tell the best man so. Otherwise it does look as though you’re being very controlling I’m afraid.

@Kindperson The problem is you've come across rather abrasive and rude so people naturally won't want to gear your point of view no matter how many times you come back and try to defend yourself. A useful lesson in life is to know when to take a step back.

@Kindperson and one last thing - whilst you may think this thread is stupid, it isn't to the OP. If you find it so stupid, I would ask why you're bothering to post at all. Not very kind at all.

Naturally don't want to hear my point of view? What the hell do you mean, I made a simple statement and was piled on. All I did was sraand my ground against what I believe to be bullying and rude behavior including one completely unacceptable statement which has been reported. I don't actually care too much but I do not accept that because people spend all their lives on a site they can bully others and I will not allow myself to be bullied by an internet parent forum addict.

internet parent forum addict

Nice bit of irony.

I have posted on like 4 threads in my life. Not 4 posts a minute 24 hours a day for years and years and years.

@Kindperson

Maybe you could Judy back off with the endless picking comments and leave me alone then? Look back at this thread. You do not come out of it well. You look a bit desperate to pile in and it isn't working. Look how others have interacted. You do not own mumsnet, you cannot control everything everyone says all the time. Please back off and find a cause more worthy of your anger.

You've derailed the OP's thread

You've body shamed people by linking weight to the sexual assaults of underage girls.

You've inferred that normal human beings don't attend stag dos.

And when a PP politely disagreed with some of your other off topic points, your reply was It's adults talking on a mummy site ffs not a brawl in the year 9 toilets.

If you're adult enough to post on this 'mummy site', surely you're adult enough to accept that some people may disagree with you?

It's called conversation, not 'endless picking comments'

The irony of you telling people they cannot control what other's say...

Your first post had nothing to do with the OP and stood out as being rather bizarre because it doesn't relate. Of course people won't want to hear your views if you go around calling partners fat and flabby. If you can't construct your views in a way that relates to the OP and comes across incredibly aggressive, you really should expect the reaction you've had. Again, why post at all if you think the subject matter is stupid and you have nothing relevant to say about the OP?

And you have made an unacceptable comment and I am choosing to refuse to recognize, engage or read anything you say. Which is of course 99% of mumsnet 24 hours a day but that's OK, I never read your posts anyway.

If they don't want to hear my opinion how about they don't pile in and question and pick at me. I don't agree with the addicts opinions but I just ignore them, not cross question everything they say because I don't like their presence and have no respect for their opinion. So I ignore them.