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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour reporting on me to exH

127 replies

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 17:44

So I have found out today that one of my neighbours (I'm not sure which one, I know her name but not her address) is best friends with my exH girlfriend. Which is fine, I couldn't give less of a shit.

Except I've learnt that she has been telling her friend (exH GF) or my exH himself about things I've been "up to".

This includes telling him that my son was playing on the front a few days ago. He's isolating from school as his year group bubble was sent home. He was playing outside my house, middle of the day, on his own, on my drive, with our cat. ExH made a comment about it, and I assumed our son had told his dad he'd been playing outside.
Turns out, it was the neighbour that had told him. She's also told him when my ex boyfriend (who I was bubbled with) was at my house, as my exH made a comment to my son about exBF car being at mine, even down to what colour car it is. This is the one that's made me most angry.

I am furious. I feel it's an absolute invasion of my privacy. This woman is a complete stranger to me. What happens at my house, who my visitors are etc is NOONE'S business except my own.

I've drafted a message to exH girlfriend to ask her to pass a message to her friend about how cross I am and what an invasion it is. I've not sent it yet.
I do know the neighbours name so I could send it to her Facebook I guess. If I knew which house she lived at, I'd knock on her door in person.

AIBU to send the message saying butt the fuck out of my life? (It isn't worded like that. It's very polite but firm)

OP posts:
RachelRoth · 20/03/2021 17:45

Id go straight to the neighbour tbh.

MaMaD1990 · 20/03/2021 17:47

What are you wanting to achieve by messaging this woman? Do you really think she'll stop because you've asked her to? In reality she won't stop - it's frustrating but you have no control over her being a nosey noo noo. I think you'll be acting on your emotions if you send the message and nothing good will come of it. What you CAN do however is not justify your life to your ex husband, so long as its not inviting your DS.

MaMaD1990 · 20/03/2021 17:47

Involving, not inviting!

HelloCanYouHearMe · 20/03/2021 17:48

As PP says, you need to go straight to the neighbour.

Going via ExH and / or his GF will not achieve anything

MimiSunshine · 20/03/2021 17:50

I would do my level best to find out which house she lived in. Either go and knock on doors (it can’t be that many) with an envelope in hand and say you’re looking for ‘Nosey Gossip’ as you have something of theirs (insinuate misdirected post).

Then when you find her, give her a piece of your mind.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 20/03/2021 17:52

Definitely don’t go to the girlfriend. It’s probably her who put the neighbour up to it.

BaronessBomburst · 20/03/2021 17:53

I agree with MaMaD1990.
You won't actually be able to stop it and you'll just be playing into their hands if you react annoyed.
Start referring to her as 007 or agent X and laugh and roll your eyes a lot whilst making references to his personal spy network.

Ohdeariedear · 20/03/2021 17:55

Do nothing. Speaking to any of them will just make them do it more.ignore, ignore, ignore.

Personally, I’d be thinking up ways to use this knowledge to mess with them all.

villamariavintrapp · 20/03/2021 17:56

Don't do it. Just ignore them and any comments about what you've been up to. Any response you make is going to make them more interested in what you're up to.

Asterales · 20/03/2021 18:02

Don't confront her FGS! She's obviously all out for the drama and would love the opportunity of generating some more. The moment you speak to her and let her know you're bothered by her take& telling, you're handing her an enormous amount of power. Just completely, utterly ignore it. All of it, and all of them (nosy neighbour, your ex, and your ex's gf). Just proceed with your life as normal, giving no indication that you know or care about any spying or reporting.

Asterales · 20/03/2021 18:04

*tale-telling

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 18:05

Ignoring it would make me the bigger person.
But I'm totally not the bigger person. I'm RAGING.

ExH is a fucking dick regardless of this. Obsessed with me seeing anyone, having a relationship etc. I left him 6 1/2 years ago!!

Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.

A neighbour up the road is definitely on mumsnet as they've added giant fluorescent house numbers to the front of their house (based on the brilliant thread a few days ago I think Grin) I hope it's her and she sees this thread.

waves hello to nosey twat up the road

OP posts:
Jabba2020 · 20/03/2021 18:07

Ignore it totally, then see how many false things you can get reported back Grin

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 18:08

Never do anything when you are in the heat of anger
So wait , sleep on it a bit
But yes I’d he having an angry word

But straight to her face
Pathetic bitch that she is

Looneytune253 · 20/03/2021 18:08

Seriously? Ignore!! So what!! They know your boyfriend stayed over. Doesn't matter. They know your lo played out on the drive. Doesn't matter!!! Literally doesn't make a difference to your life, just ignore them

ChonkyChook · 20/03/2021 18:08

@BaronessBomburst

I agree with MaMaD1990. You won't actually be able to stop it and you'll just be playing into their hands if you react annoyed. Start referring to her as 007 or agent X and laugh and roll your eyes a lot whilst making references to his personal spy network.
God that's a bit wet. Might hit hard with 9 year olds in the school yard Hmm

You're either got to ignore completely or go so far that you actually scare her into stopping. Anything in the middle and they'll know you know and that they're getting to you - which is the point. No one actually gives a shit what colour car your fella drives, they just wanted your son to mention it to you. Awful people.

Pinkpanthershow · 20/03/2021 18:09

Honestly, I wouldn’t say or send anything. Ignore it. Don’t react to your ex and take the position that what you do is your business and he has no say in it.

MaMaD1990 · 20/03/2021 18:09

Well if that's your attitude, you can't complain when then get 1000 times worse...its not a smart move.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 18:09

I have an enemy on my street and I either ignore her or give her dirty looks
She is also shit stirred
I’m tough like that 😂😂😂

ChonkyChook · 20/03/2021 18:11

@Minikievs

Ignoring it would make me the bigger person. But I'm totally not the bigger person. I'm RAGING.

ExH is a fucking dick regardless of this. Obsessed with me seeing anyone, having a relationship etc. I left him 6 1/2 years ago!!

Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.

A neighbour up the road is definitely on mumsnet as they've added giant fluorescent house numbers to the front of their house (based on the brilliant thread a few days ago I think Grin) I hope it's her and she sees this thread.

waves hello to nosey twat up the road

In that case spray paint Neighborhood Watch across her front window.
DiamondBright · 20/03/2021 18:13

I had a similar issue with my exH family passing on information about what we'd been up to, not in a malicious way, but it would come back to DD as if he had us under observation, and it upset her. I would find out who she is and speak to her.

Lou898 · 20/03/2021 18:13

I’d definitely use it to your advantage. Anything you want to get back to ex DH and also red herrings too. I’d laugh at their expense. Don’t let them know your annoyed as they’ll just be smug and it won’t stop.

PurpleMustang · 20/03/2021 18:15

It is likely to cause more hassle by telling neighbour you know. I would do some detective work via fb to find out where she lives. Between school uniform front door posts or pics of the garden and using google maps you could probably work it out. Once you know just keep it to yourself but I would be thinking of ways to wind them up. I would also keep a diary of what is happening, just in case it all takes a nasty turn. It won't take long but you never know if things take a turn you would have a diary of what she has been passing on, by what ex has been saying, what happened that day and then see how long it takes for ex to say something and note it down.

muddyford · 20/03/2021 18:15

Don't react. Ignore.

allgoodinthehood · 20/03/2021 18:18

Please try and say nothing not because your taking the high road .
They will love it that your angry . This plays right into their hands Seriously say nothing but do loads.
off the top of my head.
Put a temporary for sale sign up.
Planning permission papers on out side of house.
Various cars parked outside your house.
A for sale sign on your car .
All put there separately and just long enough for her to see and report back .
She will look like a loon when none of it is true .

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