Neighbour reporting on me to exH

[Minikievs]

So I have found out today that one of my neighbours (I'm not sure which one, I know her name but not her address) is best friends with my exH girlfriend. Which is fine, I couldn't give less of a shit.

Except I've learnt that she has been telling her friend (exH GF) or my exH himself about things I've been "up to".

This includes telling him that my son was playing on the front a few days ago. He's isolating from school as his year group bubble was sent home. He was playing outside my house, middle of the day, on his own, on my drive, with our cat. ExH made a comment about it, and I assumed our son had told his dad he'd been playing outside.
Turns out, it was the neighbour that had told him. She's also told him when my ex boyfriend (who I was bubbled with) was at my house, as my exH made a comment to my son about exBF car being at mine, even down to what colour car it is. This is the one that's made me most angry.

I am furious. I feel it's an absolute invasion of my privacy. This woman is a complete stranger to me. What happens at my house, who my visitors are etc is NOONE'S business except my own.

I've drafted a message to exH girlfriend to ask her to pass a message to her friend about how cross I am and what an invasion it is. I've not sent it yet.
I do know the neighbours name so I could send it to her Facebook I guess. If I knew which house she lived at, I'd knock on her door in person.

AIBU to send the message saying butt the fuck out of my life? (It isn't worded like that. It's very polite but firm)

When you go to ‘give her a piece of your mind’, contemplate that phrase for a minute.

I think people often mix it up with ‘peace of mind’ in their heads. That’s not what happens. There might be a momentary feeling of ‘Ha! I really told her!’ but actually after that it’s quite disempowering. Also, it exacerbates the actual problem instead of solving it. As well as showing your hand (making all other strategies redundant).

Ask yourself- why would you want to give someone you dislike, a piece. Of your mind. Bonkers, hey?

You could order some mannequins, some inflatebles and get some nylon thread. If you have curtains, you could have some fun with shadow play.

OP, I can understand the desire to send that letter. But don't. You won't win by confronting any of them.

However, you now know you are being watched, so you can have fun with it (if I were near you, I'd be up for parking my car to help you wind up that neighbour).

And, when your ex makes a comment, just look puzzled and say "why are you still obsessed with me, when our relationship ended so long ago?".

He's trying too make you feel unsettled, and by not responding you are taking away his power over you. And by commenting as above, or by other similar examples on the thread, you are turning it all right back on him.

Honestly I would start doing outrageous things for her to report. Leaving weird stuff on the lawn, talking to people who clearly aren't there, fake a wee in your front garden, etc.

Get all dressed up in your clubbing gear and shortest mini skirt, leave your house at about 7-8pm, wave to your ds’ bedroom window, blow him a kiss, repeat for consecutive nights....... (just need to figure out how to slip back in through the back door.....)

@BaronessBomburst

I agree with MaMaD1990. You won't actually be able to stop it and you'll just be playing into their hands if you react annoyed. Start referring to her as 007 or agent X and laugh and roll your eyes a lot whilst making references to his personal spy network.

Start popping a note trough her door.

"Just to let you know my mothers coming for coffee at 10,00. After that we'll be sorting stuff for the Air Ambulance charity bag. We might have a spot of lunch (scrambled eggs, probably - maybe a yogurt after), and then my mum is going home and I'll be home watching judge Judy until school pick-up at 3.30. During all of this time the cat will be sitting on the windowsill glaring at passers-by.

After I bring DS home and give him his tea (fishfingers, beans and oven chips, followed by a cornetto) my ex BF will be coming round and we'll both do some Lego with him before he goes to bed at 7.30. after having a drink of milk and 3 custard creams and cleaning his teeth. Ex BF and I will then give him 2 hours to get into a very deep slumber before ripping each other's clothes off and sh*gging like rabbits."

Do this every day. (You need not tell her the truth . . . obviously )

I would put up a sign in my windows that said something like “fuck off nosey”. And I’d also do really outlandish stuff like hoover my front lawn dressed as a chicken, just to see what she says to your ex 🤣

Could you pretend to be an MLM and pop out to try to sell her skincare products every time you see her lurking nearby?

Better go straight to advanced level, and start volunteering for Jehovah Witnesses

The house identification thread, for interested parties

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4192352-To-ask-you-no-to-BEG-you?msgid=105682991

Get a sign to put in the window OPEN v Closed. . VACANCIES v no vacancies then deny when he asks😂😂

@SecretOfChange

Could you pretend to be an MLM and pop out to try to sell her skincare products every time you see her lurking nearby?

Better go straight to advanced level, and start volunteering for Jehovah Witnesses

Carry a bottle of Holy Water with you. Throw it over her and shout "Too late! You're [insert denomination of choice] now!"

I like the idea of commenting to your ex & others along the lines of ' so sad that we split 6.5 yrs ago & he is still not over it & obsessing, getting neighbours to spy on me & report back...pathetic..when I moved on years ago..'... I don't think angrily confronting her will achieve anything. Rise above...but maybe get a few ripped sizzling shirtless dudes to hang out in the garden just to stir it a bit!!

If I was new Gf I’d be very sad DH was so interested in what his ex was doing.

If I was exH I’d be very confused as to why my gf was so interested in my ex

Id maybe just leave them to it, and feel really sad for them both.

This would make me angry too, OP but as others have suggested, ignore, even though it’s SO hard to do.

Another alternative would be to get some t shirts printed in different colours with the words ‘ I always feel like, someone is watching me’ or ‘watching you, watching me’ and wear them whilst walking past nosey neighbour! - joke, obvs.

Or I could paint a sheet and hang it out my window like people do off motorway bridges saying "Happy 40th Debbie"
Except mine would say "Fuck off Nosey Neighbour"

All the wind up ideas are so much more fun. And you can laugh your head off when ExH brings them up.
How about a missing cat (or child) notice tied to every lamppost?

Must be shit for your ExH GF knowing he is obsessing over you. I'd ask her how she feels about that.

@Takebackthepower

You cant stop people talking.. dont react it will inflame and give them more to talk about

That. There's no way she's going to stop simply because you've approached her. And it will simply start a feud which will put you in an even worse position.

Two choices here I’d say..

1. Totally ignore. Flat out give this no attention what so ever.
2. Roll round there and give her a peace of your mind but fully expect that to go back to ur exH too !

No the sheet should say

"Xxxx why are you still obsessed about me after 6 years??"

Its not the neighbour thats the problem, its your ex. Any decent bloke would tell his GF to pack it in and stop spying on you.

With my ex (also 6 years split) he told his girlfriend he had a right to know who was in the house with "his children" but it made no sense because I dont have a driveway and anyone can park outside my house they had been together almost three years and she accepted this behaviour plus he told her I was constantly trying to get him back trying to get him into bed (infront of my children and when I had a partner how classy) I spoke to her after they split and said no I don't want him back your welcome to him but perhaps you should raise the bar next time and not accept that stalking his ex as normal behaviour

Say to ExH "I always thought wrong name was a big mouth."

He then says "No, it was right name who told me"

Then you know who to feed false information to.

I'd text the girlfriend, fake concern, 'hi x, its come to my attention that ex has been getting a neighbour to report back to him on my comings and goings. It seems he's still got feelings for me, as I can't think of any other rea

son for his obsession. I just wanted to reassure you that I have absolutely no interest in him. I hope you are ok, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I'd want to know if I were you.'

^this.
Lay it thick to the girlfriend how sorry you are that he's still not over you after 6 years when you've moved on years back.
Fake concern over how his obsession with you means he still pining for you and you're so sorry for her. Etc

And play with the nosy one, Fuck with her head.

If you had a couple of mates with police uniforms you could get them to 'arrest' you to test out the neighbours spy power.