Neighbour reporting on me to exH

[Minikievs]

So I have found out today that one of my neighbours (I'm not sure which one, I know her name but not her address) is best friends with my exH girlfriend. Which is fine, I couldn't give less of a shit.

Except I've learnt that she has been telling her friend (exH GF) or my exH himself about things I've been "up to".

This includes telling him that my son was playing on the front a few days ago. He's isolating from school as his year group bubble was sent home. He was playing outside my house, middle of the day, on his own, on my drive, with our cat. ExH made a comment about it, and I assumed our son had told his dad he'd been playing outside.
Turns out, it was the neighbour that had told him. She's also told him when my ex boyfriend (who I was bubbled with) was at my house, as my exH made a comment to my son about exBF car being at mine, even down to what colour car it is. This is the one that's made me most angry.

I am furious. I feel it's an absolute invasion of my privacy. This woman is a complete stranger to me. What happens at my house, who my visitors are etc is NOONE'S business except my own.

I've drafted a message to exH girlfriend to ask her to pass a message to her friend about how cross I am and what an invasion it is. I've not sent it yet.
I do know the neighbours name so I could send it to her Facebook I guess. If I knew which house she lived at, I'd knock on her door in person.

AIBU to send the message saying butt the fuck out of my life? (It isn't worded like that. It's very polite but firm)

If I were the neighbour who was passing on information, you having a word, or sending me a note, would make absolutely no difference whatsoever. And, possibly, would make me tell more tales.
Just ignore them. Or, as others have suggested, give the neighbour something to report!!

You cant stop people talking.. dont react it will inflame and give them more to talk about

I think the likelihood of you improving your situation by having a word with her, especially passing a note on through your Ex/his GF but even face to face, is next to zero unless you have a relationship of your own with this woman and she develops a sense of loyalty to you in some way or you have some other leverage.

Your idea of manipulating it ("Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.") is probably a more effective way to deal with your (justified) annoyance. And I would certainly try to find out who it is. But don't have a rant at her for doing it - she'll just report that back to her friend and it will give them something about you to focus on and likely encourage the spying.

If you really want to get a message to her then using your local community as peer pressure might have an effect. Exasperated comments to other neighbours about how she is enabling your abusive ex by spying on you and you are surprised his current girlfriend is okay with his continued obsession with who you see might get back to her. But for the most part, any negative reaction by you is more likely to fan the flames than calm them down unless you have some leverage.

I feel for you, @Minikievs and I’d be raging too.

But unfortunately, the moral highground is the way to go.

Love the ideas for winding them up though. Especially the terrible ones suggesting he still has a thing for you evil cackle

@Minikievs

You could find out where she lives or when you pick up your child from school
does this woman have a child in the same school school of yours then?

You could give Nosey cow a piece of your mind !

Or make a comment to her how pathethic sad some people are who spread gossip are !

Such as they must lead very boring lives of no purpose !
What is the point of people like Gossips !

(You could even say I totally agree that there is far too many people on people on planet earth,
in regard of covid 19, (been viewed as a population leveler by some people !
.And say I wish this covid 19 virus ,happened more often ,to irirrating
Arseholes such as Gossips too !

What do you think !
Just say it in a tone its obvious you are directing at her !

You could even be totally be straight about it to her !

Personally I would just say something like - And? To your exH when he comments, and then ask why he/neighbour is spying on you?

If he mentions the neighbour ask - has she not got anything better to do with her time? Or do he and the gf not have anything to talk about other than you?

@Lou898

I’d definitely use it to your advantage. Anything you want to get back to ex DH and also red herrings too. I’d laugh at their expense. Don’t let them know your annoyed as they’ll just be smug and it won’t stop.

Do a little gaslighting.

• Get a LARGE "For sale by owner" sign and put it in your front yard for two days. Then remove it.
• Replace it with a LARGE "Beware of Dog" sign. Then remove it.
• If you know anyone with a removal van, ask them by for tea. Tell them to come in the van and park in front.
• While your child is at school, borrow a dog and walk it up and down the street in front of the spy's house. Wear something creative-- a clown suit, a ballerina tutu, etc.

When your ex confronts you wanting to know why you are selling up and moving out and when did you get a dog, look confused and deny, deny, deny.

**Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.

This is what I would do

You should clearly ignore... be the bigger person.

However... if you do feel petty (and sometimes I feel petty as well so I sympathise), I would put a big neon-painted sign outside your house where it's visible from the street and where she can see it saying "(NAME) the snooper at (HOUSE NUMBER) strikes again". I'd put it up everytime that you learn that she's snooped on you to your ex... eventually she might get the message.

Keep a diary of your movements...rap said neighbours door, smile, hand over diary and tell her you hope it helps with her obsession

You don't have any grounds to stop someone looking around a public area then speaking to others about what they have seen. So if you react, you have no argument against the behaviour and they will know they have upset you. Lose-Lose. The only way to 'win' is to ignore and put your energies into living your best life. If anything, feel pity - if your neighbour was living a fulfilling life, they wouldn't have time nor inclination for this kind of nonsense.

Don’t be going to the neighbour, mn advice is always batshit. It’s RL not a soap opera
Tell your ex you know there is gossip and it needs to stop. He’s the recipient of the gossip, so address it with him
You really don’t need to be having a ding dong with your neighbour. It’s your home you don’t need the ill feeling

I'd just wave very enthusiastically every time I came out the door. Every time in all directions. Mad bastards.

Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.

I would be very tempted to do this. Also like pp's suggestion of for sale sign/walking dog etc.and then looking confused and denying.

Dont go and confront anybody. You will be telling them they have annoyed you and they will keep it up or get worse

Some of these suggestions are really making me laugh

I know that the right thing to do is to ignore....but I'm just so MAD. This woman is literally a complete stranger to me but she's noting and commenting on my visitors, my child, and fuck knows what else that I just haven't found out yet.

It sounds so childish but it's so unfair! Why the hell does he have the right to know anything about my life, outside the normal co-parenting stuff. Which he's shit at anyway.

However I feel like I finally might be a grown up by only having drafted the response, and not hitting send (yet)

Once lockdown is a over a sign saying “CONGRATUALTIONS” and a load of balloons on your door would be super annoying. Congratulations for what??? You could be getting married, pregnant, have a new job, be moving house or who knows what else.

And then deny all knowledge.

Ignore.

If your ex says anything else just respond that you think it’s kind of strange that he has someone keeping tabs on you. That’ll shut them all up quickly.

I'd print out my agenda for the week in the greatest detail and deliver it to her, with a note that if anything isn't clear she should ask and you'll explain it.

Aye, sure you would

Wait until you know she's watching and get one of your friends to leave some "Congratulations on your engagement" or "congratulations on your pregnancy" balloons at your front door. If they do it while you're out then it will sit there for half an hour and give her a good look.

Definitely ignore.

If he ever drags anything up, be contemptuous in your response, as in, 'have you really nothing else to talk about, how sad.'

Am tempted to ring every single person that I know and ask them to park outside my house. A different car every night. Really give them something to talk about.

Loving this. And I can definitely relate to the stalking behaviour of your ex - it would make me very cross too, but you just have nothing to win by openly confronting it, quite the opposite, it will inflame the situation further.

If anything happens that is beyond just gossip and even remotely crossing the line - I would report to police.

So, your Ex-Dh is still obsessed with you OP, so Im not sure how reporting on you via neighbour via GF helps her relationship 🤣

I would hold my head high OP and laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

Stay calm lady 🌺

I’d be very tempted to stage a few scenarios just to stir things up a bit.

To be honest I'd just ignore and hold my head up high.

Have sympathy that this neighbour has nothing else going in her life so that she has to gossip about you. She's probably got shit for brains as well.

Actually, you can even be a bit flattered that she talks about you all the time and makes you the centre of her world.

That's how I choose to think about people that gossip about me. It helps.