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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour reporting on me to exH

127 replies

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 17:44

So I have found out today that one of my neighbours (I'm not sure which one, I know her name but not her address) is best friends with my exH girlfriend. Which is fine, I couldn't give less of a shit.

Except I've learnt that she has been telling her friend (exH GF) or my exH himself about things I've been "up to".

This includes telling him that my son was playing on the front a few days ago. He's isolating from school as his year group bubble was sent home. He was playing outside my house, middle of the day, on his own, on my drive, with our cat. ExH made a comment about it, and I assumed our son had told his dad he'd been playing outside.
Turns out, it was the neighbour that had told him. She's also told him when my ex boyfriend (who I was bubbled with) was at my house, as my exH made a comment to my son about exBF car being at mine, even down to what colour car it is. This is the one that's made me most angry.

I am furious. I feel it's an absolute invasion of my privacy. This woman is a complete stranger to me. What happens at my house, who my visitors are etc is NOONE'S business except my own.

I've drafted a message to exH girlfriend to ask her to pass a message to her friend about how cross I am and what an invasion it is. I've not sent it yet.
I do know the neighbours name so I could send it to her Facebook I guess. If I knew which house she lived at, I'd knock on her door in person.

AIBU to send the message saying butt the fuck out of my life? (It isn't worded like that. It's very polite but firm)

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 20/03/2021 20:03

Sorry, but it's not illegal to gossip. You may not like it, but it's just something that happens in life. What are you really going to say to gossip woman if you confront her?

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 20:03

@ScrambledSmegs

A neighbour up the road is definitely on mumsnet as they've added giant fluorescent house numbers to the front of their house (based on the brilliant thread a few days ago I think grin) I hope it's her and she sees this thread.

Completely OT I know, but can you link to this thread please?!

I've looked but I can't find it now Confused It was from a delivery driver asking people to please make their houses easier to find. It was really well written and some of the replies were brilliant.
OP posts:
Mylovelyhorsee · 20/03/2021 20:04

I wouldn’t be able to not say anything.

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 20:05

@WisnaeMe

So, your Ex-Dh is still obsessed with you OP, so Im not sure how reporting on you via neighbour via GF helps her relationship 🤣

I would hold my head high OP and laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

Stay calm lady 🌺

ExH. Definitely not ExDH. There's a definite distinction! Wink
OP posts:
1forAll74 · 20/03/2021 20:06

I would just totally ignore this situation, as it's a pathetic situation,Just feel sorry for people who have very small minds, and those who like to cause trouble. Dealing with idiot nobodies,is a waste of time.

ekidmxcl · 20/03/2021 20:06

I get that you are raging and are surrounded by a bunch of cunts. But it is idiotic to fall out with a neighbour. Don’t do it. You’ll regret it.

Ohdoleavemealone · 20/03/2021 20:06

I'd delight in it and start making shit up. Put a sign in your garden saying "free eggs/dogs/car" just for shits and giggles.
Get men to come by your house regularly and throw yourself at them in full view.
get random large vehicles to visit loudly.

RandomMess · 20/03/2021 20:09

If you react/respond at all they will do it all the more.

Yes to getting random friends to park outside your house 😂

Can you borrow some of those giant gnomes of someone, keep redecorating your front lawn 🤣

EarthSight · 20/03/2021 20:09

I'd found out where she lives if you don't now already. It must be somewhere where she can clearly see her house. Keep an eye on her window and if you see her in it, give her a massive, over-the-top wave.

EarthSight · 20/03/2021 20:10

Ugghh...typos!

find*

know*

AlpiniPraline · 20/03/2021 20:13

I'd probably either tell him I hear he's been gossiping with the neighbour about me with lots of laughing emojis rather than being angry and giving him power, or id find a way of making him think she was gossiping to me too about him.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/03/2021 20:15

@Mumoftwoinprimary and @slashlover’s idea about Congratulations signs and balloons is brilliant! Though I do also like @Brefugee’s idea of sending her your schedule - in minute detail - each week!

I would be very tempted to do all of these.

SoWhyNot · 20/03/2021 20:16

Just ignore and then next time your ex-H says something he has heard just laugh and say “as long as that was all she told you about it that’s ok” and keep repeating.

I’d also probably move house.

BusyLizzie61 · 20/03/2021 20:17

Any response will just.stoke the flames further and show its gotten to you.

Fwiw, as annoying as it is, everything he's been informed of, was in the "public domain", for anyone who lives nearby or was nearby to have seen. It wasn't gleaned by leaning over your fence or lurking through a window. And to a certain extent, when we suddenly make links, passing on this sort of information could happen very inadvertently. However, him applying this knowledge to make you aware, is creepy and showing that he is everywhere in effect. But as its not him, its not the sort of Behaviour, at this point that you can do anything about... But don't start a war over it...

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 20/03/2021 20:19

God I'd be furious as well but it's not going to help to confront the neighbour, the crazy bitch.

I'd text the girlfriend, fake concern, 'hi x, its come to my attention that ex has been getting a neighbour to report back to him on my comings and goings. It seems he's still got feelings for me, as I can't think of any other reason for his obsession. I just wanted to reassure you that I have absolutely no interest in him. I hope you are ok, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I'd want to know if I were you.'

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/03/2021 20:19

@ekidmxcl

I get that you are raging and are surrounded by a bunch of cunts. But it is idiotic to fall out with a neighbour. Don’t do it. You’ll regret it.
So much I love about this post, well put
MadMadMadamMim · 20/03/2021 20:21

I'd just laugh, every single time he said anything, and say in amusement and mock sadness, Oh dear. Are you still obsessed with me? I hoped you'd moved on.

Repeat like a broken record every time he mentions it.

And take satisfaction in how much your very existence must piss off his GF who sounds equally obsessed with you.

tenterden · 20/03/2021 20:24

@MadMadMadamMim

I'd just laugh, every single time he said anything, and say in amusement and mock sadness, Oh dear. Are you still obsessed with me? I hoped you'd moved on.

Repeat like a broken record every time he mentions it.

And take satisfaction in how much your very existence must piss off his GF who sounds equally obsessed with you.

Totally agree with this.

I really would not speak to the GF or the neighbour. Don't lower yourself.

EveningOverRooftops · 20/03/2021 20:25

No no. You get your lockdown ball gown out to put the bins out. Or a shrimp costume. Maybe an inflatable dinosaur?

Wear a tiara to deal with sweeping the drive.

Buy card board cut outs of the men in black and stand them at your window.

Send yourself a stupidly huge bunch of flowers.

I’m notorious for fucking with people when they tattle tale and gossip. I’ll give you gossip

My sister would give me shit whenever I lost weight and would resent me for my healthy choices so I spent a good month taking selfies with really calorific foods like I was about to eat it. Yeah... that was a fun month she couldn’t compute the photos with my weight loss. I’m an arse.

Cheesypea · 20/03/2021 20:26

Ignore ignore ignore- they want to get a rise out of you.
Failing that get different blokes to wash your car, do a bit of weeding in the frount garden, paint the front door etc etc-always topless and always chatty and friendly with every passer by.

HotPenguin · 20/03/2021 20:27

I've been on the other side of a situation like this. My dad left my mum for someone else. Completely randomly, my mum knew someone who knew someone who knew them and she felt sorry for my mum and used to report back. You can't stop this from happening so just ignore it.

MessAllOver · 20/03/2021 20:27

Could you pretend to be an MLM and pop out to try to sell her skincare products every time you see her lurking nearby?

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 20/03/2021 20:29

Oooh do a home alone and put on music and have disco lights and stand infront of your windows in various disguises and then act all innocent when they accuse you of having a party.

Seriously, people who have nothing better to do other than spy on a friend of a friend wont stop just because you ask.

I would probably try and befriend her though...keep your friends close and all that...I think that will unnerve them

WisnaeMe · 20/03/2021 20:29

ExH. Definitely not ExDH. There's a definite distinction!

Aaw no course not sorry 🤣😂

Minikievs · 20/03/2021 20:31

@Cheesypea

Ignore ignore ignore- they want to get a rise out of you. Failing that get different blokes to wash your car, do a bit of weeding in the frount garden, paint the front door etc etc-always topless and always chatty and friendly with every passer by.
Ha ha ha!!! Bloody hell, if I had some friendly topless men who would weed the garden, wash the car and paint the front door, I'd be having way too much fun to give a shiny shite about the nosey neighbour!!
OP posts:
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