Pissed off with friend - AIBU?

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

Had a bit of a heated discussion with a friend about a week ago. He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight, but, conversely has a massive chip on his shoulder about being working class (despite being about the most middle class person I know - went to a RG uni, lives in a fancy apartment in a nice part of SW London, listens to Radio 3/4, shops in Waitrose, works for a broadsheet, etc.).

Frankly I think he's a bit of a covert misogynist, although he does have his good points. He also corrected something I said (I used the word "effectively" which he corrected to "in effect").

He then sent me a message simply saying, "Skype window" (i.e. it suits me to have a Skype call at this very minute). I just answered with a question mark, to which he responded, "I think you know what I mean."

AIBU in being royally pissed off at being "summoned" in this way?

YANBU but I’m not sure what all the background is for, anyone would be annoyed to get a virtual finger snap summons.

Sorry but what has him saying "skype window" got to do with him being white & middle class etc? Some people do communicate in that kind of brief, corporate speak way in general. Whether it is cringey or not is a matter of personal opinion.
But more importantly, why are you friends with someone you quite clearly dislike so much? Why not just reply "busy sorry" and slowly eliminate contact if he bothers you so much?

@JackieTheFart

YANBU but I’m not sure what all the background is for, anyone would be annoyed to get a virtual finger snap summons.

Just context, I guess. I was already predisposed to be annoyed with him.

First paragraph reminds me of the whole class thing and whether people see it as how you were brought up or how you are living now. I would describe that as middle class but if he has working class routes he may always refer to himself as working class. (This was another MN debate a few months ago)

He sounds like a idiot to be fair, you don’t treat people like that who is up his own a**. Maybe he has low self esteem and that’s why he has to correct you?

@Wavescrashingonthebeach

Sorry but what has him saying "skype window" got to do with him being white & middle class etc? Some people do communicate in that kind of brief, corporate speak way in general. Whether it is cringey or not is a matter of personal opinion. But more importantly, why are you friends with someone you quite clearly dislike so much? Why not just reply "busy sorry" and slowly eliminate contact if he bothers you so much?

Well as I said, he has good points.

The connection is that if I hadn't already been irritated by the previous conversation I would perhaps have reacted differently to the summons, so it maybe felt more unreasonable than it was intended to be.

How annoying. I would be incredibly facetious and text back something like "Zoom door". Followed by endless variations of the same, possibly accompanied by an "ooh, isn't this fun!" . Until he finally says "I was just wondering if you wanted a skype", at which point you can say "oh, you should asked more nicely.."

It does depend a bit on the bloke though..

@Marvelwife123

First paragraph reminds me of the whole class thing and whether people see it as how you were brought up or how you are living now. I would describe that as middle class but if he has working class routes he may always refer to himself as working class. (This was another MN debate a few months ago)

He sounds like a idiot to be fair, you don’t treat people like that who is up his own a**. Maybe he has low self esteem and that’s why he has to correct you?

He can refer to himself however he wants - I'm not going to argue the toss with him about his identity. It was his refusal to see that he had benefitted in any way from other aspects that was frustrating.

@Boopear

How annoying. I would be incredibly facetious and text back something like "Zoom door". Followed by endless variations of the same, possibly accompanied by an "ooh, isn't this fun!" . Until he finally says "I was just wondering if you wanted a skype", at which point you can say "oh, you should asked more nicely.."

It does depend a bit on the bloke though..

Wish I'd thought of that!

Struggling to see how you ever became friends, if he is so offensive to you OP?

Well as I said, he has good points.

What are his good points?

His "skype window" thing is very blunt on the border of rude but surely if you have been friends for a while you are used to his communication style?

@WisnaeMe

Struggling to see how you ever became friends, if he is so offensive to you OP?

I think I've already answered this, but surely it's possible to understand that someone can be, say, interesting and witty and a decent person who shares some of your interests, but can also rub you up the wrong way with their politics / attitude towards the opposite sex / disinclination to say please and thank you / any number of other things.

He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight

He was all these things when you met yes ?

@Wavescrashingonthebeach

Well as I said, he has good points.

What are his good points?

His "skype window" thing is very blunt on the border of rude but surely if you have been friends for a while you are used to his communication style?

This was particularly terse - he isn't usually quite so blunt. Possibly asserting his male dominance after our previous conversation?

His good points are that he's well informed, we have interesting conversations (even during lockdown when neither of us are doing anything much), in general he's a decent person and can be quite thoughtful.

@WisnaeMe

He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight

He was all these things when you met yes ?

Um, yes... Sorry - I don't see what you're getting at?

This was particularly terse - he isn't usually quite so blunt. Possibly asserting his male dominance after our previous conversation?

Ehhhh???? I think you are making some assumptions there? I have friends who i literally type paragraphs and paragraphs to but if i had my hands full or for a million other reasons i might just text "You free?"

Is Skype window like saying 'you free?'
Or when you free?

@Wavescrashingonthebeach

This was particularly terse - he isn't usually quite so blunt. Possibly asserting his male dominance after our previous conversation?

Ehhhh???? I think you are making some assumptions there? I have friends who i literally type paragraphs and paragraphs to but if i had my hands full or for a million other reasons i might just text "You free?"

Yes, I could be - which is why I said "possibly" and put a question mark at the end. But otoh it's not totally beyond the realms of possibility that the tone of communication in the message relates to the conversation immediately preceding it.

Even "You free?" is, imo, a lot less rude than "Skype window".

@MichelleScarn

Is Skype window like saying 'you free?' Or when you free?

It is saying, "I have a Skype window right now". Yes, it implies "Are you free", but the differences between asking a question in a polite way and a rude way can be fairly subtle. Or IABU - it's a possibility!

YANBU. In making the comment he sounded like an arrogant arse as though you’re at his beck and call. Not sure what we can advise for you in the situation tho, doubt he’d be receptive to you pointing this out.... you’ve got more tolerance than me

@Opalfruits2

YANBU. In making the comment he sounded like an arrogant arse as though you’re at his beck and call. Not sure what we can advise for you in the situation tho, doubt he’d be receptive to you pointing this out.... you’ve got more tolerance than me

Not necessarily looking for advice - just wondering if my perception of how the message came across is reasonable, and also mulling over how (whether) to respond.

Well , he sounds brusque, and you sound as though you've a chip on your shoulder tbh

despite being about the most middle class person I know - went to a RG uni, lives in a fancy apartment in a nice part of SW London, listens to Radio 3/4, shops in Waitrose, works for a broadsheet, etc.)

So he worked hard at achoo lto get onto a, decent uni and has, worked hard since to afford things? AND he's a white male? Oh, the inhumanity!

school

I’ve got no time for people who don’t acknowledge their privilege.

YANBU, and call him out his shit.

just wondering if my perception of how the message came across is reasonable, and also mulling over how (whether) to respond.

Entirely reasonable. He wouldn’t summon a male friend this way. It would be ‘you free for call, mate?’