Pissed off with friend - AIBU?

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

Had a bit of a heated discussion with a friend about a week ago. He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight, but, conversely has a massive chip on his shoulder about being working class (despite being about the most middle class person I know - went to a RG uni, lives in a fancy apartment in a nice part of SW London, listens to Radio 3/4, shops in Waitrose, works for a broadsheet, etc.).

Frankly I think he's a bit of a covert misogynist, although he does have his good points. He also corrected something I said (I used the word "effectively" which he corrected to "in effect").

He then sent me a message simply saying, "Skype window" (i.e. it suits me to have a Skype call at this very minute). I just answered with a question mark, to which he responded, "I think you know what I mean."

AIBU in being royally pissed off at being "summoned" in this way?

Either that or the vast majority of people don't want every conversation to be about sexism or privilege and be railroaded by their so callednt friends. Imagine.

Yes, every single conversation we have is about sexism or privilege. It's all we ever talk about.

He's shielding, and we're all in lockdown. Conversation topics are somewhat limited at the moment.

@ThePlantsitter

RootyT00t did the OP say every conversation? Must've missed it.

Anyway doesn't matter if you disagree with me or not. I certainly don't want to get into it with you I merely agreed with the op on that subject as an aside. My point was she was pissed off with him and didn't say so at the time.

Is there a reason for the bolded you? Am I particularly awful to speak to?

No, but I can imagine.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

Either that or the vast majority of people don't want every conversation to be about sexism or privilege and be railroaded by their so callednt friends. Imagine.

Yes, every single conversation we have is about sexism or privilege. It's all we ever talk about.

He's shielding, and we're all in lockdown. Conversation topics are somewhat limited at the moment.

Mmm.

If you believe your friend has the ridiculous notion of white male privilege', whether you are speaking to him about it or not that will be crystal clear.

I don’t really understand how friendships like this survive.

Yes, he may have good points. Abusers don’t abuse all the time. Bullies can rein it in when necessary etc.

The realty is this mean things he’s better than you, talks down to you and isn’t interested in spirited debate - he wants you to agree and defer to him so he can be the big I am.

The outline of his flaws would be significant enough for me to cut him loose.

I don’t spend time with people I don’t like or respect. You are complicit in the dynamics of your friendship I’d you put up with this shit.

RootyT00t it was just for emphasis. I'll admit additionally that your rather sarcastic 'imagine' pissed me off so it was probably in response to that. But I'm not interested in a row. We disagree on the subject of privilege but that's not the topic of the thread nor one I want to get into. With you.

He's shielding, and we're all in lockdown. Conversation topics are somewhat limited at the moment

My best friend and I never struggle for conversation, even during this weirdness and we’ve been friends for in excess of 30 years.

[quote ThePlantsitter]RootyT00t it was just for emphasis. I'll admit additionally that your rather sarcastic 'imagine' pissed me off so it was probably in response to that. But I'm not interested in a row. We disagree on the subject of privilege but that's not the topic of the thread nor one I want to get into. With you.

@Merryoldgoat

I don’t really understand how friendships like this survive.

Yes, he may have good points. Abusers don’t abuse all the time. Bullies can rein it in when necessary etc.

The realty is this mean things he’s better than you, talks down to you and isn’t interested in spirited debate - he wants you to agree and defer to him so he can be the big I am.

The outline of his flaws would be significant enough for me to cut him loose.

I don’t spend time with people I don’t like or respect. You are complicit in the dynamics of your friendship I’d you put up with this shit.

Eh?

OP told him how he should feel based on a sexist concept and he's the one in the wrong?

Ffs - autocorrect is going to make me throw my phone one day.

@RootyT00t

He denies he has any advantages being a white straight man.

It is a fact he does.

He’s being a twat.

[quote Merryoldgoat]@RootyT00t

He denies he has any advantages being a white straight man.

It is a fact he does.

He’s being a twat.[/quote]
No it isn't.

My husband is those things - he freely acknowledges the advantages he has.

Yes it is.

@Merryoldgoat

My husband is those things - he freely acknowledges the advantages he has.

Good for your husband.

Back in the real world, not everyone thinks like that.

And if a friend of mine launched these opinions on me, I wouldn't be arsed with them either. And I'm not male.

I’m not going to carry this shit with you on @RootyT00t

@Merryoldgoat

I’m not going to carry this shit with you on *@RootyT00t*

That's fine.

Just don't be shocked that people / friends can't be arsed with people who go on like this.

...the ridiculous notion of 'white male privilege'...

I think you may have overreached there...

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

...the ridiculous notion of 'white male privilege'...

I think you may have overreached there...

'He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight, '

Ridiculous notion.

No overreaching.

@Merryoldgoat

He's shielding, and we're all in lockdown. Conversation topics are somewhat limited at the moment

My best friend and I never struggle for conversation, even during this weirdness and we’ve been friends for in excess of 30 years.

We weren't struggling for conversation - most of our Skype chats have been well over an hour, even two on occasion. Choosing to discuss current affairs rather than the weather or Netflix is hardly an indictment of a friendship!

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

I meant topics being limited.

I don’t really understand you being so keen to defend such a toxic-sounding friendship

[quote Merryoldgoat]@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

I meant topics being limited.

I don’t really understand you being so keen to defend such a toxic-sounding friendship[/quote]
Because OP has bored the arse off her pal about white male privilege (as the majority of us would be) and is now annoyed he spoke to her patronisingly, and is having to change tack.

Because OP has bored the arse off her pal about white male privilege (as the majority of us would be) and is now annoyed he spoke to her patronisingly, and is having to change tack.

You're bizarrely invested in the idea of white male privilege not existing.

Donald? I know you haven't got much to do these days, but Mumsnet??

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

Because OP has bored the arse off her pal about white male privilege (as the majority of us would be) and is now annoyed he spoke to her patronisingly, and is having to change tack.

You're bizarrely invested in the idea of white male privilege not existing.

Donald? I know you haven't got much to do these days, but Mumsnet??

Bizarrely invested?

No. Just my opinion.

Ah yes because only Donald trump disagrees with it.

Back in the real world...

@Ohyesiam
BUT HE’S NEVER BEEN BEATEN UP FOR THE COLOUR OF HIS SKIN HAS HE? WHICH IS AN ADVANTAGE IN LIFE .

Being white and having worked in a north mill town which has a high % 1of ethnicity I can assure you from personal experience racism you describe certainly its exclusive to white people .

I don't think it is possible to have a decent conversation about this op, when there seem to be a significant number of posters who don't believe in this 'modern thing' of discussing discrimination.

My husband is white and was brought up in the North East in a very working class home. He has just bought the book "Why I no
Longer talk to white people about race" because he is interested to learn more about the ways in which white people shut people of colour down by defensiveness and denial.

Fwiw op, I think you were right to challenge your friend, I think he sounds the very embodiment of male white privilege.