Pissed off with friend - AIBU?

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

Had a bit of a heated discussion with a friend about a week ago. He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight, but, conversely has a massive chip on his shoulder about being working class (despite being about the most middle class person I know - went to a RG uni, lives in a fancy apartment in a nice part of SW London, listens to Radio 3/4, shops in Waitrose, works for a broadsheet, etc.).

Frankly I think he's a bit of a covert misogynist, although he does have his good points. He also corrected something I said (I used the word "effectively" which he corrected to "in effect").

He then sent me a message simply saying, "Skype window" (i.e. it suits me to have a Skype call at this very minute). I just answered with a question mark, to which he responded, "I think you know what I mean."

AIBU in being royally pissed off at being "summoned" in this way?

@Mydogmylife

Well , he sounds brusque, and you sound as though you've a chip on your shoulder tbh

About what?

Like some other posters on here, I am struggling to fathom why you are even friends with this man. Despite your protestations that 'he has his good points,' you clearly do not like him.

I also get pissed off with people who are highly critical of someone JUST because they are a middle-class white male, who went to an RG university, and has a good job (that he worked hard to get!) It's inverted snobbery, bitterness, and jealousy. (As well as bigotry and prejudice.)

Oh and YABU.

@littlepattilou

Like some other posters on here, I am struggling to fathom why you are even friends with this man. Despite your protestations that 'he has his good points,' you clearly do not like him.

I also get pissed off with people who are highly critical of someone JUST because they are a middle-class white male, who went to an RG university, and has a good job (that he worked hard to get!) It's inverted snobbery, bitterness, and jealousy. (As well as bigotry and prejudice.)

Oh and YABU.

I'm not critical of him because of those things (nor am I jealous as they all apply to me, too).

I hear where you're coming from in that he is a nice guy and you get on, but he refuses to see that he's had advantages in life by virtue of being white and male. I'd find that frustrating.

There are some friends of a range of views who I can talk politics and social affairs with, and there's others that certain issues are best avoided as we all feel very strongly.

The thing that jumps out to me is that you say he doesn't acknowledge his privilege and that you think he's a closet misogynist. I'm not sure how you can turn a blind eye to a man who's misogynistic.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

The benefits that you perceive he has had. He may well have received all the benefits you describe, but harping on at him about it can make it look as though it's coming from a place of pique ( even if it isn't)

[quote Mydogmylife]@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

The benefits that you perceive he has had. He may well have received all the benefits you describe, but harping on at him about it can make it look as though it's coming from a place of pique ( even if it isn't)[/quote]
It may seem from this thread that I'm harping on, but in the conversation we had I was merely trying to point out that he couldn't just focus on his perceived disadvantages (his working class background) without acknowledging his advantages, just as I acknowledged the benefits of being white, heterosexual and middle class.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

Fair enough

I've had friends like this in the past. In the end I couldn't get past their misogyny / entitlement. I agree with you, it was a very rude summons.

I don’t really understand the point of this thread. You’ve had a barney with your friend over some stuff which sounds frankly petty. You think he’s wrong so you use MN as a way to try and back your opinion by describing him as a misogynist, rude for ‘summoning’ you for a call and with class issues.

You both sound immature and as bad as each other. Do you frequently have fallings out and try to recruit other people to adjudicate? If so, tiresome.

@SylHellais

I don’t really understand the point of this thread. You’ve had a barney with your friend over some stuff which sounds frankly petty. You think he’s wrong so you use MN as a way to try and back your opinion by describing him as a misogynist, rude for ‘summoning’ you for a call and with class issues.

You both sound immature and as bad as each other. Do you frequently have fallings out and try to recruit other people to adjudicate? If so, tiresome.

There are plenty of other threads on AIBU along similar lines...

He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight, but, conversely has a massive chip on his shoulder about being working class (despite being about the most middle class person I know - went to a RG uni, lives in a fancy apartment in a nice part of SW London, listens to Radio 3/4, shops in Waitrose, works for a broadsheet, etc.).

You are incredibly unreasonable for writing such shallow nonsense. How's the view from that bandwagon?

You are obviously not his friend if you are so desperate to squeeze him into these silly tick boxes, how unimaginative.

You sound incredibly smug and judgmental.

He won't concede that he gets any advantage from being a) white, b) male and c) straight,

How dreadful, he doesn't toe the party line, he has the audcaity to disagree with you! Good for him.

So basically you are judging your friend on the colour of his skin and his sexual preference

Twenty three distinct criticisms of this person in one short post, yet you refer to him as a friend.
Total character assassination without any redeeming features; It's not exactly how I would describe any friend of mine tbh.

text back something like "Zoom door"

YANBU, I know the type of person you mean. Desperate to say they’re hard done by for being white, straight & male.

I’m struggling to understand why this man is a friend of yours as well. You really don’t seem to like him at all.

oh he's just showing off. And is immature. He's trying to find a way to control his environment, because there are probably (particularly social) elements/challenges now that he's exposed to and finding uncomfortable/unwieldy. So he's trying at least to SEEM in control. And, to be fair, might have been being a little tongue in cheek? It was slightly playful to be summoning you? You're his friend and he thinks you get it/him?

He sounds quite fun and I wouldn't be too cross with him. Give him a break.

I think I must be very shallow, as I’ve never had conversations with my friends when I’ve had to accuse them of having various priveliges. We just get on, chat, have fun and support each other.

Entirely reasonable. He wouldn’t summon a male friend this way. It would be ‘you free for call, mate?’

How do you know he, doesn't speak to other friends like this?! Suddenly, someone who doesn't even know this person seems to know how they speak?!

I think I must be very shallow, as I’ve never had conversations with my friends when I’ve had to accuse them of having various priveliges. We just get on, chat, have fun and support each other.

Err, WTF? You do what? Did you even use the 'f' word there?

Seriously though, how on earth do you convey your social virtue to one another?

The last line he wrote to you as given in your OP gave me flashbacks to a colleague I used to have. He would say something cryptic and when you would query, he would replay "Oh I think you know what I mean". And then when you said you didn't, he would only say "Oh yes, I think you do..." It was really fucking annoying.

YABVU.

YANBU, sounds like a twat. Distance yourself.