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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk when he thinks he's getting a lift.

280 replies

1099 · 19/03/2021 09:04

DS has a detention after school today, (Not his fault obviously he just happened to carry on talking after he'd been warned to be quiet during the lesson!) Anyway that's not the point, I've said I'll meet him after because there are no buses to here from there, only the school bus which he'll have missed obviously.
The school is about 2.5 maybe 3 miles away, I'm thinking of walking up with the dog and then walking home with him (and the dog). The plus side is a nice walk for me and the dog and DS (although he won't appreciate it) the downside is he'll probably moan most of the way home because he's expecting me to be in the car.

OP posts:
Naillig222 · 19/03/2021 11:17

Also surprised at the suggestions of bringing snacks. He's not two.

UserTwice · 19/03/2021 11:18

The students who live 2.5-3 miles from DC's school habitually walk (or cycle) so this would never have even come up as an issue.

Slightly shocked by the number of posters who think making him walk that distance is a "punishment"! No wonder there is so much traffic on the roads.

SarahBellam · 19/03/2021 11:19

It’s not double punishment! It’s the opportunity to get a bit of exercise and have a chat with your mum and your dog. A nice wind down after the detention. I think it sounds like a lovely treat for him 😁

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 19/03/2021 11:19

Some of the outrage on this thread 😂
3 miles will take about an hour. Poor didums having a heavy bag! Obviously he wouldn't know the way if he's never walked before as the bus would take a massive alternative route. He'll be on his Xbox most of the weekend because that's what some teens like to do in their spare time and they're not allowed to go hang out with friends for another week and a half.

OP go for it. If it was either of my two then they would moan for a couple of minutes, due to the initial disappointment of not seeing the car, but then we'd spend the time chatting. Good luck 😁

2late2fixate · 19/03/2021 11:20

@DiseasesOfTheSheep

Enjoy your walk, his legs won't drop off for it. No wonder so many kids are obese and have no independence given so many people who think it's a punishment.

I'm amused by the "doesn't he know the way!" comments too. I presume they don't live rurally / semi-rurally to say that - it's perfectly possible to have a non-linear route through a network of footpaths which are difficult to follow from one place to another, and they're not shown on phone maps unless you have the OS app / ViewRanger.

What's he been doing up until now if he doesn't know at least a 3 mile radius of his community?

Don't kids go out and play and explore anymore?

Before I started secondary I knew how to get around my community by myself either walking or by bike. We played in all the local parks and woods, we explored the neighbourhoods, we went to all the shops with our pocket money, we knew where the bus stops were, the train station, the local schools, high schools and college...

Seriouslymole · 19/03/2021 11:21

@Naillig222

Also surprised at the suggestions of bringing snacks. He's not two.
No, but he is 12 and probably won't have eaten since lunch. My 12 year old is hideous if he hasn't eaten - it just makes for a more pleasant chat and walk home if he's not hungry. .

DS comes out for a dog-walk with me every evening and we have 2 mile circuit - it takes about half an hour. It's a really good time to have a chat.

tigger1001 · 19/03/2021 11:21

It's a great idea. Might make him think that his actions not only impacted him, but also you in that the dog needed to be walked and that means no lift in the car.

A bit bemused by the suggestions of taking a snack/drink though. It's three miles. Something not quite right if you can't manage walking 3 miles without a snack.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2021 11:22

Greyhound
Cross post. They’re not allowed DM’s at dd’s school. I know they’re not allowed trainers at some. But I think our posts made the point. Some of my school shoes weren’t very practical at all. Everyone apart from the really square girls had ‘lady Di stilettos’ when I was maybe 13 - ie kitten heels.

TwunchOfBats · 19/03/2021 11:22

@Naillig222

Also surprised at the suggestions of bringing snacks. He's not two.
It's literally blowing my mind, tbh. Snacks and a drink - for a short dog walk home! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

I am well out of touch....

Baublebox · 19/03/2021 11:22

Good for the dog
Good for his health
Good for developing independence
Good for the planet

Enjoy your walk

2late2fixate · 19/03/2021 11:23

@Naillig222

Also surprised at the suggestions of bringing snacks. He's not two.

😂

Haha! Yes. He isn't going to drop dead after walking 3 miles home without a snack?

Lentillover1900 · 19/03/2021 11:23

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

And seeing it’s Friday - I’d bring a nice treat for him or stop at a newsagents on the way for him to pick up something tasty

That kind of defeats the object? I'd take some fruit and some water just to be humane but definitely wouldn't be allowing him to pick a treat.

He’s been punished by the school.

I’m not on the habit of “double punishing” for something quite trivial (talking in class)

It’s a Friday. Start of the weekend.
I’d walk there.
I’d bring a treat!

StringyPotatoes · 19/03/2021 11:23

I think it is mean, actually. You've promised him a lift and instead you're subjecting him to a 3mile walk that YOU want to do, not him.

If I was expecting to walk home with someone I might rather enjoy it but if I'd finished work late and was looking for an easy journey home and DH met me on foot to make a point I'd be hurt.

I'm sure DS already acknowledges the stupidity of getting a detention (unless you're going to drip feed that this is a pattern of behaviour from him). Make your point another time or offer to meet him for a walk home another time/walk him up there at the weekend. Don't rescind a promise when he can't do anything about it.

Rabblemum · 19/03/2021 11:23

3 miles is nothing, make him walk, no wonder kids are obese, they're mollycoddled.

A chat and a long walk will help you communicate and you can find out the whole story about his detention.

Lentillover1900 · 19/03/2021 11:24

Not that water and fruit is a double punishment
But the fact he has been punished
Means done and dusted and we move on
Hence no issue with bringing a treat!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/03/2021 11:24

Can’t he take his bike? Cycling 2.5 miles each way is nothing. Especially if no massive bag. Then you can walk dog at your convenience.

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2021 11:26

The students who live 2.5-3 miles from DC's school habitually walk (or cycle) so this would never have even come up as an issue.
Same for my school, and most secondary schools I've worked at. It's the norm for them go walk to cycle in, unless they get a school bus but those on busses are further away.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/03/2021 11:28

3 miles could take up to an hour. I need a drink if walking for an hour, and would also want something to eat if I'd had lunch at 12. But ok, if not essential for that child.

I definitely wouldn't be giving a treats.

Lentillover1900 · 19/03/2021 11:29

@Naillig222

Also surprised at the suggestions of bringing snacks. He's not two.
these are growing teenage boys we are talking about

Not middle aged mumsnetters

Does he need it. No.
Is he probably ravenous having likely not eaten since 12.30 and, if like my sons, had football training at lunch break and then had double rugby Friday afternoon, and then have a 3 mile walk ahead of him? Yes

Lacucuracha · 19/03/2021 11:30

Why doesn’t he know the way from home? Is he wuite new to the school or is he just used to being given a lift?

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 19/03/2021 11:30

Don't kids go out and play and explore anymore?

Well, no, primary aged kids probably don't get the level of freedom experienced by some posters on here. Times have changed. But there are other reasons why he might not know the route home - the OP may have moved areas, the footpaths may be in a state of flux due to development, he may have spent his childhood doing other things than being let loose to "explore", or his explorations may have taken in him in other directions from the local secondary school. As a kid, sussing out the fastest route to and from a school I didn't yet attend was not high in my list of priorities.

Baublebox · 19/03/2021 11:30

I don't get the snack/ treat thing either. I don't do double punishments but I do do a fresh start and a 'normal' dsy, I certainly don't dont do a treat immediately after a punishment.
To do that would feel like I was making up for him being punished or for him having to walk, which isn't a punishment anyway.

TheShudderingDentist · 19/03/2021 11:31

I’m shaking my head at the thought of bringing him a snack. No wonder we have so many fat, mollycoddled kids.

Baublebox · 19/03/2021 11:32

I would possibly take fruit of he's likely to be hungry.

Lentillover1900 · 19/03/2021 11:32

@Baublebox

I don't get the snack/ treat thing either. I don't do double punishments but I do do a fresh start and a 'normal' dsy, I certainly don't dont do a treat immediately after a punishment. To do that would feel like I was making up for him being punished or for him having to walk, which isn't a punishment anyway.
A “normal” Friday here *is* a treat at the end of school. So for me not to bring a treat would be me extending the punishment
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