Is it ever ok to wish someone dead?

[HeartsAndClubs]

Not just renouned criminals, but people who essentially co exist with us.

I think it’s fair to say that when e.g. Peter sutcliff and MAx Clifford etc died many people will have thought “good.”

And when Fred West and Harold Shipman died people would equally have been glad they were dead, but perhaps angry at the fact they took the cowardly way out.

But what about your average person who you just dislike for whatever reason?

My mum was telling me last week that she spoke to a neighbour whose brother used to be married to a family member. However, he and this woman are now estranged but only recently. He has recently been undergoing tests for a serious illness but she (the sister) doesn’t know that. My mum asked casually if she’d heard from him, and her response was “hopefully he’s dead.” and I couldn’t help thinking what an awful thing to say about anyone.

And yet I would probably think it of Peter Sutcliff, so when is it ok? Or isn’t it?

My daughter was nearly hit by a drunk driver outside her school, I was two cars behind him and watched him mount the pavement and miss her by about a foot, going so fast he absolutely totalled a road sign and a wall. I wished very bad things on him. If he had hit her I can't guarantee I wouldn't have killed him myself with my bare hands. That's not melodrama. Luckily the car between us was an off duty police officer so we got to witness justice being dished out immediately. It was ten years ago and I still have nightmares about it

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I’ve had so many relatives suffering long drawn out end of life illnesses that robbed them of their dignity, I have wished them to die quickly and peacefully but it never bloody happens. I have, sometimes wished this to happen to the few very nasty bullies I have met, but they seem to sail through life unscathed.

When my father was put onto the Liverpool care pathway (which was interpreted in such a way that it meant "starved to death") after his second stroke, I sat by his bed in the hospital for a week wishing for him to die now rather than be in any more suffering for another interminable day while he threw himself about and moaned.

But I doubt that was what the OP was thinking of.

My old boss, I would find it hard not to dance on his grave for what he put me through

I haven’t read the whole thread but I think this is a normal but “ugly” human emotion.

I was stalked by an older man from being a teenager for 15 years. He followed me everywhere. Every job or hobby. In my car or on foot. In broad daylight or at night. Online.
Stalked my family members. I’d never even had a full conversation with the man. As a school kid why would I have any interest in getting to know a creepy older fat bald heavy breathing man who followed me everywhere I went? After I screamed at him in no uncertain terms to fuck off and he had to deal with the fact that I wasn’t actually head over heels in love with him as his fantastical delusion told him and in fact I couldn’t stand him, he began constantly threatening suicide. I genuinely felt, still feel, the only way I’ll be truly free of him is when he’s dead. It sounds horrible but if I ever heard he was dead, I think I’d just feel a massive sense of relief. He stole all those free happy years from me. I spent my teens, twenties and thirties looking over my shoulder constantly, never knowing when the creep would appear.

I felt totally awful thinking that way. Hated him even more for making me into the kind of person who wished he’d hurry up and die. I spoke to a counsellor about it and explained how awful, guilty etc I felt and she was really bemused. She just said “I’m not surprised you wish he was dead. I think I would too. In fact I do, for all he’s stolen from you. It’s perfectly natural.” and smiled. She’s a wonderful person who’s very experienced. I think it’s more common than people realise.

Sure, wishing it isn't nice, but we don't need to be nice all the time. As Genderwitched put well, we don't need to focus on being right all the time. Being okay is fine. We're humans and it's natural in many situations that the thought and desire for someone to be no longer to arise. It's what's done with it that matters.

It can be a bit much blurted out like that, and I can see why it seems awful when it seems farther than you expect, but it's okay - okay isn't a high threshold - as a one off as described. In some communities this is more a way to say they hope never to hear or be impacted by someone again to the point it's like they no longer exist than wishing any particular kind of death which really isn't the worst thing to wish on someone depending on your view of the afterlife.

There are people who take this too far - either going into details of gruesome deaths and/or going on about this wish repeatedly. I knew someone (who had been violent in the relationship) who would nearly every conversation bring up ways to kill their ex for a good year or so. This can end up treating someone else as a punching bag for complex emotions and I would argue crosses the line and a potential warning signs that they might actually do something with those thoughts, but a one off remark or a thought kept private or discussed with people who've agreed to help with hard emotions, it's okay, it's human.

yup, probably shouldnt feel this way but I do

On ex of mine, is a truly horrid person who stalked and cyberbullied me and did and said horrid things. I cannot wait till he dies, his family are getting a card off me, it will not be a sympathy card, it will be a great to hear your good news card saying the world is now a better place with him not in it

@JabAndGo

yup, probably shouldnt feel this way but I do

On ex of mine, is a truly horrid person who stalked and cyberbullied me and did and said horrid things. I cannot wait till he dies, his family are getting a card off me, it will not be a sympathy card, it will be a great to hear your good news card saying the world is now a better place with him not in it

However great you feel about his death, and however much you celebrate with yourself and sympathetic friends, I'd urge you not to taunt his grieving family with it. Aren't you the good guy?

They know exactly what he is like/colluded with him

Yes, I have in the past.
When the evil bastard who murdered my dd in tragic and upsetting circumstances walked free from court.
I spent hours, months and years wishing him dead. At one point, I seriously thought about paying someone to do him in.
When the police turned up at my house 4 years later to tell us he had been found dead(drug overdose) all I felt was anger that no one had killed him. The only good thing was I could now walk down the street in my hometown without having to worry about seeing him.
I had absolutely no sympathy for him and I hope he rots in eternal hell.

@ParkheadParadise

Yes, I have in the past. When the evil bastard who murdered my dd in tragic and upsetting circumstances walked free from court. I spent hours, months and years wishing him dead. At one point, I seriously thought about paying someone to do him in. When the police turned up at my house 4 years later to tell us he had been found dead(drug overdose) all I felt was anger that no one had killed him. The only good thing was I could now walk down the street in my hometown without having to worry about seeing him. I had absolutely no sympathy for him and I hope he rots in eternal hell.

Hopefully he's burning.

Thinking more on this subject, I knew someone in the past whose life expectancy was not really known (lots of potentially fatal health problems) and who kept a list of people she would like to kill before she became too ill to do it.

@JabAndGo

They know exactly what he is like/colluded with him

The high road is overrated. I think that’s a hilarious idea.