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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job but hope they convince me to stay?

126 replies

Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 17:18

Is there an acceptable way to go about this?

I've been offered a job that is more money, working from home and a better job title.

I love my current company. They're amazing to work for and it's a safe job and the work is interesting. But I should be on a more senior job title for the work I'm doing and I really want to work fully from home. They've said that nobody will be working from home after Covid (blended model planned). I don't mind going into the office ad hoc but I don't want to do set days a week as my role can be done fully from home (as evidenced by the past year and new job!)

I know that they wouldn't want me to leave as it was hard to recruit me as I have very niche skills (I got recruited fast when I went sniffing around). I don't mind if they don't match the salary I've been offered, it's the title (that matches what I do better) and the home working.

They might just accept my resignation, which is fine, but is there a way to not seem like a knob while also saying 'I quit but I really want to stay if you'll give in to my demands?' To be fair, I've never asked them for what I want, but I don't think they'd want to set a post-covid precedent of fully home working just based on me asking, as they've been really clear that nobody will be.

I haven't accepted the job I've been offered but will have to soon. They haven't interviewed anyone else so nobody else in the wings waiting.

YABU: Quit if you want to quit but don't try to negotiate
YANBU: It's fine to use another job offer to negotiate

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladderclimber · 22/03/2021 10:57

Well, yes. The last person to pull that stunt at my workplace was a man, and the word flounce was used in relation to him when he went. Sorry to disappoint!

Leaving for a better option is hardly a ‘stunt’. Hmm

Companies are free to negotiate or not. Do I hope mine value me enough to negotiate? Yes. But if they don’t I get what I want somewhere else.

OP posts:
bastaebasta · 22/03/2021 11:10

@Ladderclimber

Well, yes. The last person to pull that stunt at my workplace was a man, and the word flounce was used in relation to him when he went. Sorry to disappoint!

Leaving for a better option is hardly a ‘stunt’. Hmm

Companies are free to negotiate or not. Do I hope mine value me enough to negotiate? Yes. But if they don’t I get what I want somewhere else.

Of course leaving isn't a stunt. Playing the pick me game is.

The time to discuss a pay rise/promotion is before you start looking externally. Once you've made the decision to interview elsewhere, you've already mentally quit and there's a clock ticking.

You wouldn't have interviewed elsewhere if you really thought your current employer would give you a better title/payrise. Having obtained a better offer, you've found an employer who values you more, and you should take the offer. You were brave enough to look elsewhere - now follow through.

If you stay at your current employer, both you and they will know you only stayed for money, and all it would take to tempt you away would be money. Your progression prospects will start to wither. Take the better offer and the fresh start at the other place, and you've got endless possibilities.

I'm actually on your side here, and rooting for you to get the best outcome, but I don't think you realise that.

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 22/03/2021 11:14

Sorry if I sounded snippy. I’m just tense about all this!

OP posts:
blueshoes · 22/03/2021 11:22

OP, the mood changes once you threaten to walk because of a better offer. However, nicely you put it, you are holding them to ransom to make a quick decision. If they feel at that time, they have no choice but to give you your terms, they will do it grudgingly. If they were not willing to do it before, why would they do it now other than you are holding a loaded gun to their head.

A manager may be seemingly open about negotiation. A good negotiator will not show their weaker hand in this situation, give you what you want and then seek to overturn your advantage having bought themselves time by making you turn down the offer in the wings.

A good manager also does not show their feelings however outrageous a report's conditions are. They smile and nod and sound supportive. Again, this is a tactic to keep you on side for as long as possible as antagonising a report goes nowhere except push them towards the exit prematurely. Their job is to keep their good people working.

It is a management game that is not always transparent.

I hope your manager takes negotiation in the right spirit. But I just wish to point out the risk that they won't.

HotCrossBumsticks · 22/03/2021 11:24

Everyone wants to be special. Everyone wants their employer to say 'no, please stay, you're irreplaceable, here, have some extra money.' The reality is, some places (like mine) won't negotiate. Others will, but the dynamic will change for the worse.

And sometimes the dynamic will change for the better, when they realise that their asset is desired by others and they need to work hard to keep her!

Some crazy answers here.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 22/03/2021 11:45

Hand your resignation in to your boss in person and explain why reluctantly you've had to apply for a new job, but x or y reason is v important to you. You love this workplace etc etc
If they want you they will say what can we do to keep you? If they don't they won't. I think it's a very fine line to tread between looking like you're strong arming them and asking for what you want. Phrases like counter offer might work well or might go down like a lead balloon. Only you know your boss.

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 22/03/2021 11:50

My lost job did say ‘Is there anything we can do to keep you’ when I quit but I just said no as I wanted out. I also knew they couldn’t afford what I had been offered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladderclimber · 22/03/2021 11:50

LAST job

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/03/2021 11:52

Best of luck with it. I hope they make you an offer. Alternatively could you work for them as a contractor? Would that work for them? I can see they don't want everyone clamouring to work from home now.

unfortunateevents · 22/03/2021 12:02

OP, you posted about this on Thursday, when are you planning on speaking to your employer? If I was your new employer I would be getting twitchy about why you haven't returned your contract?

namechange63524 · 22/03/2021 12:19

What pps have said - ask if they can match your new offer. Good luck

SnafuButGreyNow · 22/03/2021 14:47

A counteroffer from your employer can only usefully be used to negotiate a higher package with the place you're going. It's never worth staying after you've burnt that bridge

Simply untrue.

OP, I did exactly this a few years ago. I knew my current position was under-paying me, but I liked it there. I looked around for alternatives and was offered a very similar role paying more. I went back to my boss and asked if they could match it. They did.

That was 4 years ago - I'm still there which gives the lie to the above posts suggesting people who do this will just leave anyway. I've also been promoted since, more than once. My ability to understand my own worth has only had a positive effect on my position at the company, in fact. No bridges burned, just an increased understanding on the part of my employer that hanging on to good staff is a sensible thing to do.

SnafuButGreyNow · 22/03/2021 14:51

Some crazy answers here.

Agree. And more than a whiff of sexism.

ChrissyPlummer · 22/03/2021 16:46

@Obbydoo I mentioned the stories when the offer had been withdrawn as you asked the OP had she not thought of the offering company and the time they’d invested in recruiting her.

I never thought of the recruiter I spoke to doing that with my CV, so thanks for pointing that out! I’ll write and ask them to remove me. Luckily, I like my current job so no plans to go anywhere. Sorry if I sounded a bit arsey, I’ve never had a good experience with recruiters.

LilMidge01 · 22/03/2021 17:38

Don't resign and then try to dsicuss counter offers. You should be straight up and honest and say all of this to your manager (what the negotiables are and what it would take for you to stay), and then they can make up their mind if its worth offering you the things you want or not. But this should all be done pre-resignation. If you don't like what they come up with, then resign.

Also DO NOT resign until you have a contract from the new job!!!

LilMidge01 · 22/03/2021 17:41

Oh and of course when talking to them don;t use the phrase 'counter offer' or act like you're playing hard ball negotiation. Just be honest. Ie. "I really dont want to leave X company, I enjoy working here and x,y,z. However, this offer is tempting me because of x,y,z and I'm keen to understadn with you if any of these things would be a possibility here at X company, because staying here would be my preference and I'm keen to try and make it work..." or something similar (just wrote this quickly, but you get the idea)

LilMidge01 · 22/03/2021 17:46

@roundturnandtwohalfhitches

Hand your resignation in to your boss in person and explain why reluctantly you've had to apply for a new job, but x or y reason is v important to you. You love this workplace etc etc If they want you they will say what can we do to keep you? If they don't they won't. I think it's a very fine line to tread between looking like you're strong arming them and asking for what you want. Phrases like counter offer might work well or might go down like a lead balloon. Only you know your boss.
completely disagree. Handing in your resignation is strong arming them and a hardball negotiation move, much more so than an honest conversation ahead of doing so. handing in your resignation is a much MUCH more aggressive move and should onyl be done if your mind is made up and you are not willing to accept any counter offer.

It may be that the manager says "unfortunately, no matter how much we want to keep you, home wokring is really not an option at this company for x,y,z reason' or 'I'm completely constrained by budgets from finance on any salary raise, due to caution around the post-Covid market'...or whatever else. At least then the conversation can be open and she can understand that it really isnt possible and then hand her resignation in the next day. Far more reasonable and polite.

Also I don't think anyone advocating this approach would suggest using the phrase 'counter offer'.

Tal45 · 22/03/2021 18:08

OP you are not strong arming them or pulling a stunt or flouncing, you are simply knowing your worth as confirmed by the other company.

I don't believe that a man negotiating a pay rise or anything else would be described in those terms no matter what a pp says and agree that it is blatant sexism.

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 22/03/2021 22:33

Thank you all so much. I spoke to my manager today. She looked gutted, which I felt bad about (must try to be more male!) and I made it clear I love my job and the company but that I can’t accept having to come into an office when I can work from home with no effects on anyone or anything and that the salary and title are important for my progression. She almost immediately said ‘What if we could match the offer - would you stay?’ I said yes I would. She’s asked me to give her till Friday but I said it needs to be wrapped up sooner so she said to leave it with her. I felt much happier after speaking to her and she was nice to me.

I spoke to the other company straight after and said that I would give them an answer soon. They said that’s fine, take my time but please let them know if I receive any other job offers or a counter offer (yes they used the phrase!) from my current employer.

OP posts:
Etinox · 23/03/2021 08:28

Everything crossed you get the best result @Ladderclimber.
Interesting thread about loyalty and the power imbalance between employer/ employee.

LannieDuck · 23/03/2021 08:51

Well done for having the conversation.

I agree that this is an area where men differ from women, but also expectations/perceptions of men differ from those of women.

Women are famously underpaid as a group (partly) because we negotiate less than men. We need to learn to do this sort of thing more.

fizzandchips · 23/03/2021 08:56

I hope your current employer is able to offer you what you want. I’ve found this thread very interesting, so thank you for posting.

SnafuButGreyNow · 23/03/2021 08:57

Well done @Ladderclimber. Very much hope you get the result you want, and deserve.

Skyliner001 · 23/03/2021 08:57

I would be incredibly honest with them, speak to whoever the right senior is, and say that you have been offered a role at this money, with this title, and working from home. Say that you are not telling them to try and get them to change, but you want them to be aware of why you are having to hand in your notice. See what they come back with then

clpsmum · 23/03/2021 18:55

I wouldn't let the new company know about your current employer tbh. If you want to stay and they match the current offer then stay. If you go back to new employer they will up their offer and you will be in this dilemma again! However if your new company don't match offer and just offer bigger salary I would to new employer that! Hope that makes sense Good luck I hope it works out.

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