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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job but hope they convince me to stay?

126 replies

Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 17:18

Is there an acceptable way to go about this?

I've been offered a job that is more money, working from home and a better job title.

I love my current company. They're amazing to work for and it's a safe job and the work is interesting. But I should be on a more senior job title for the work I'm doing and I really want to work fully from home. They've said that nobody will be working from home after Covid (blended model planned). I don't mind going into the office ad hoc but I don't want to do set days a week as my role can be done fully from home (as evidenced by the past year and new job!)

I know that they wouldn't want me to leave as it was hard to recruit me as I have very niche skills (I got recruited fast when I went sniffing around). I don't mind if they don't match the salary I've been offered, it's the title (that matches what I do better) and the home working.

They might just accept my resignation, which is fine, but is there a way to not seem like a knob while also saying 'I quit but I really want to stay if you'll give in to my demands?' To be fair, I've never asked them for what I want, but I don't think they'd want to set a post-covid precedent of fully home working just based on me asking, as they've been really clear that nobody will be.

I haven't accepted the job I've been offered but will have to soon. They haven't interviewed anyone else so nobody else in the wings waiting.

YABU: Quit if you want to quit but don't try to negotiate
YANBU: It's fine to use another job offer to negotiate

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 18/03/2021 17:52

Why don't you just talk to them. Surely that would be a much better first step than resigning from a job you like.

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 17:53

4) If the new company is offering you what you want plus a pay rise... why not take it?!

I really like my current company's ethos and what the business actually does, whereas the new company isn't working for a moral cause. Also, job security in a pandemic - I've been with current company long enough that I'm a bit safer (last in first out). I enjoy everything about the work, but I don't enjoy the office presenteeism nor looking on my CV like I'm a skill grade below my experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 17:54

I don't know why I felt I had to resign - I guess because I thought that I needed to do that to negotiate but I guess I don't.

OP posts:
Staffy1 · 18/03/2021 17:55

Don't resign, just mention the other offer and ask if a raise is possible.

Scarby9 · 18/03/2021 18:02

I have done this four times across three jobs.

In each case I was genuinely prepared to leave, but preferred to stay if my current job changed a bit.

Three times they changed the job situation to suit me and I happily stayed.

Once (actually the second time) they essentially called my bluff and said no. I applied for the other job. They asked if there was anything they could do to help me stay. I repeated what I had (reasonably) asked for. They said no. I was actually in the interview for the new job when they rang to say yes, but it was too late. I went ahead with the interview, got the job and left on amicable terms. The move turned out to be a good one for me.

I think as long as you are open, honest and reasonable, and prepared for either outcome, doing this is fine.

Ijustreallywantacat · 18/03/2021 18:12

This is one of the reasons that women are passed up for promotions. Be strong!

My DP is also in a niche job. When he wants more money or whatever, he says "Give me more money or I'll quit." They then give him more money! Don't be afraid. Totally normal in business.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/03/2021 18:13

When I quit my last job it was mainly because of their refusal to even consider the idea of me working from home, and of me doing shorter hours during the school summer holidays (which are 12 weeks here).

A week after I quit, my boss took me aside and offered me the summer off, then working from home and choosing what hours I worked.

I guess that was easier than trying to hire a replacement.

As it turned out, I was so relieved to know I was leaving the job, I didn't take her up on her new offer, and instead I went freelance and have done that very happily since. But the company remained one of my freelance clients, so I still work for them periodically as a contractor.

Royalbloo · 18/03/2021 18:16

I'd ask for what I want first and if they say no, hand in your notice. But I'd separate the two.

ErickBroch · 18/03/2021 18:26

Im in a similar position OP! To be honest, if they quickly say 'sorry to hear but congrats on the new job lets get your notice sorted' then that should say it all. Wait and see if they want to keep you or not. If they don't bother, don't have any regrets. If they wanted you to stay they would counter-offer - you don't need to ask.

Theonlyoneiknow · 18/03/2021 18:26

I have been in this position. I really didn't want to move to a different company but had been offered more money and a more appropriate job title elsewhere (removal of "assistant" from my job title). I went and spoke to my line manager - next day job title changed and they met halfway with the salary offered by new job. I had explained that I didn't want to leave but felt my job title wasn't entirely reflective of my duties - they agreed. It was quite painless :) Good Luck

Theonlyoneiknow · 18/03/2021 18:28

Re: the working from home situation - this might be trickier - there might be other employees who don't want to go into the office on set days and would rather stay working from home so it would be difficult for them to have different policies for different people IMHO.

Daphnise · 18/03/2021 18:33

You may find that despite your own thoughts on the matter, the organisation is more than happy for you to go!

therocinante · 18/03/2021 19:37

We had someone do this recently - we could/were willing to meet one half of their demands (salary increase) but not the other (full WFH - for various reasons). They didn't want to stay unless they could have both, which is fair enough, but we appreciated that they gave us the option first!

Go for it. If they say no then you've at least tried and you have an exciting new job. If they say yes, you get what you want without having to change jobs. It's a win win :)

FastFood · 18/03/2021 19:48

@Ladderclimber

I'm also slightly worried that even if they agree they'll be annoyed that I've kind of strong-armed them...
Noooo don't worry about that, they'll appreciate you informing them and giving them options to keep you. Just say that you have been offered a role, talk about said role and that ideally you'd rather stay.

Really, you have nothing to lose at all.

NovemberR · 18/03/2021 20:05

@Ladderclimber

I give this brilliant advice as a woman who would (like you) be worrying about what they would think of me.

And I know it is ridiculous. It's easier to say it to someone else!

KatherineJaneway · 18/03/2021 20:15

Negotiate. You have a rival offer, work up a sales pitch and give them your current company the opportunity of agreeing to your terms. If not, hey ho, move on.

Remember a company will never have your interests at heart, only their own.

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 20:19

Re: the working from home situation - this might be trickier - there might be other employees who don't want to go into the office on set days and would rather stay working from home so it would be difficult for them to have different policies for different people IMHO.

This is the thing that might be tricky I think. They’re setting out a post Covid plan and it may be hard for them to give me what they’re not prepared to give anyone else. In fairness, my role is totally different to the huge majority as it’s so niche. So there could be a business justification for it. In the past others have done my role as contractors from their own locations. But it depends whether they’d rather not blur any lines while setting out the new ‘blended working’ model.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladderclimber · 18/03/2021 20:20

Thank you for reminding me it’s a win win. I looked around for a reason so if I just turned it down and stayed without any of the benefits, I’ll very soon be kicking myself.

OP posts:
Pbur · 18/03/2021 20:34

Echoing what others said, just tell them that you’ve been offered the new role with xyz benefits but that you value your current role and company and wanted to let them know before you accept the new role in case they could match the new terms you had been offered. This happens all the time . Also don’t accept them not matching the new salary or very close! You need to value your worth and your financial independence is important. They should be paying you your market value.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 18/03/2021 21:44

Will they maybe be reluctant in home working as they don't want all staff to do this and if they agree to one , it may have to be agreed for others and it doesn't suit all companies to do wfh

Original poster
Ladderclimber · 20/03/2021 10:29

Yes that’s going to be the main barrier I think. Not wanting to set a WFH precedent when they’re just in the process of rolling out blended working. Which is a shame as my job can very easily be done fully remotely. There’s no need for presenteeism.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladderclimber · 20/03/2021 10:30

I’m curious about the fact that in the poll, over 25% of people think it’s wrong to try to negotiate but almost all the comments are saying it’s normal to negotiate. I’d love to hear some of the other side of the argument about why I shouldn’t put this forward and should just quit?

OP posts:
skirk64 · 20/03/2021 10:37

Why you should just quit: even if your current company agrees to your demands, you are marking yourself out as a difficult employee. They will know that you are not necessarily as committed to the role as they thought - if you have been looking around at other jobs now, what's to stop you looking around in the future?

Also you need to consider other people. By being strong and leaving - even if they did offer what you wanted - you are sending a message that they need to be better at nurturing and keeping the talent they have, promoting them and paying them appropriately, and being flexible wherever possible such as with WFH.

By "negotiating" with them you might get what you want, but you are doing nothing to help other people in the company. Be strong, and leave.

Also, you might get a shock if they decide they don't want to negotiate with you. No truly efficient employee is indispensible.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 20/03/2021 10:39

Having worked as an interim at a senior level for a number of years, no one is indispensable.
Why not have an adult conversation and negotiation about what you want, how that fits with the business needs of your employer, rather than flouncing off in a fit of pique and the vain hope that they beg you to stay?
Even if that happened, they'd be unlikely to see you in the same light going forward.

feckinarse · 20/03/2021 10:39

I'm a big fan of the website askamanager.com and she always has a lot of good advice about this situation. On the site she calls it a 'counteroffer' - as in, I have this offer from another company, can you give me a counteroffer to keep me?" and there's a lot of thoughts about when and how to ask for the counteroffer, and when to just move on.

One thing that stuck out to me as I read your thread was 'I was looking around for a reason" - it may be that you do want to move, possibly quite a bit, but suddenly the unknown seems intimidating.