To regret having a baby

[Tiredmum195]

I feel like a terrible person for writing this but here goes...

I have a 4.5 month baby daughter and most days I wish we didn't have her. I don't really enjoy anything about being a mum... I find looking after her a chore and would rather be doing other things. Most of the time my dh looks after her, I just feed her a couple of times a day and take her out in the pram during the day, maybe play with her for 5 mins in her jumperoo thing.

I wasn't someone who desperately wanted a baby and was all excited about having her and these feelings have come out of the blue. Instead the pregnancy was essentially an accident and a shock when it happened and I thought multiple times about having an abortion but didn't because I knew how much my dh wanted a baby and thought he'd never forgive me. I guess there was also an element of wondering if I'd regret it. So I went ahead with it.

I found pregnancy difficult especially with lockdowns etc and suffer with anxiety and have a chronic illness but everything went smoothly. I had an elective c section which went well but I found the recovery very tough especially the first few weeks.

The first 2 months were really hard as we had no support and she screamed and cried all the time and we had little sleep but that's improved now but I don't feel much better.

I don't feel like I have a bond with her, I prefer our pets to her...

I'm worried I'm too selfish to be a mum because I have my own interests and hobbies I want to pursue and I think she just gets in the way of me doing that.
I feel like a terrible person because everyone else loves her but I just don't feel like that and wish we could go back.

Has anyone else felt like this?
Appreciate I'm lrobsbly going to get flamed for this

I stand by what I've said previously, I wish someone, anyone had suggested that I might be suffering and there was a name for it. Not just "sick it up sweetie"
I also fell through the cracks with midwife etc, who I only saw on a couple of occasions very early on after having DS.
When my marriage started breaking down, I remember talking to someone, who did the milestones for my child, and the fact it was such a vague memory says I'm wasn't in a good place, shaking and crying, trying to explain my feelings.
Her advice was many children come from broken homes and they are fine.

Nobody ever told me there was a name, or reason for why I felt the way I did.

To add to my experience 2 x ectopic pregnancies (one being when DS was 4 months old) and DS was ivf. Very much wanted.

I went through hell and back, and now I wish so much, there was mumsnet, someone to say - what you feel isn't normal. It might have saved me.

This thread has shown , by some replies, mother's are struggling and are relived to hear, its Ok. There's a name for it.

I think anyone judging responses bringing PND into the conversation, is quite frankly irresponsible.

I hope op is still reading, and any other mums that are struggling- and they are realising, they are not alone.

*suck it up, not sick it up

Although that would have been a quicker fix

Newborns are demanding with very little return until they get to the point where they are smiley, laughing & trying to communicate. It will get better OP. One day, you'll feel that fierce protective instinct. That's what happened to me...I was a perfectly good mother, did all the feeds, changes etc...but it was all a bit bland, exhausting & drudgery...& I looked enviously back at pre-baby life for a few months, hankering & restless...not quite sure of myself & coping with the the next 18 years! And then one day, I felt it & it felt so good. I was still exhausted & the rest but happy too. You should talk to someone, be able to say how you feel....bottling it up can't be good for you.

Blinking heck thanks @RoseLimeadeand @AliasGrape you’re right I didn’t see that at all.

In that case, of course OP you should see the GP if you actually have had depression previously and there are signs it’s coming back. Sooner the better.

Not every part of parenting is enjoyable though, that part of my comment doesn’t change

Hi @Tiredmum195 how are you? I know that the post is old but I wanted to see How you are getting on with things? I have a 6months baby and it is very demanding. Xx