To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

@Drunkenmonkey

I was one of those people who thought my DH never watched porn. A few years ago I would have been one of those saying 'he just isn't interested, he hates it it's degrading blah blah' Turns out he had a porn addiction. Men watch porn and men lie about it. Oh and they delete history! If your partner knows that you disapprove of porn you can bet your life they won't admit they are watching it.

An anecdotal story about your DH does not mean ‘men watch porn and men lie about it’. You cannot project your experience onto all men.

@Stellaris22 because the only computers we use are our work laptops. And neither of us is daft enough to breach our respective organisations' IT policies by looking at online porn, which, no doubt, would be blocked anyway.

....... and a lot of women watch porn too !

I don't think OH does really. Obviously I can't be 100% sure but I think it's unlikely.

He used to for sure. I remember us having a conversation about consent. And trafficking and the like. And him having a bit of a horrified Damascene conversion. He's pretty woke generally.

About a year afterwards I asked him about porn (non-judgementally) as I assumed his horror hadn't translated into action. He said he'd largely cut it out but had used four or five times. Since then he says he's stopped entirely.

Of COURSE he could be lying. But I don't think he'd bother (I'm not that fussed either way, although have definitely said I wish there was a guaranteed ethical option).

Arguments in his favour are:

• He doesn't have a laptop, and I use the iPad more than him. Can't remember the last time he took iPad out of communal areas.
• we use phones fairly interchangeably. Not a definite, of course he could be sneaking a look when he's on the loo but we both have each other's Face ID and grab whichever phone is nearest.
• when we have baths we usually bathe together (big tub). Our bathroom is en suite and I often wander in and out when he's showering - so I'll be brushing teeth, doing make up, chatting and vice versa when I'm in the shower.
• with lockdown he's never out.

Of course he could be lying and hiding it. I don't know why he'd bother, since when he previously told me he used it I was un fussed and just said I assumed all men did.

He brought up the ethics thing later and I said I would struggle to get off on what is likely coerced - but he'd clearly already been worrying about it since he brought it up. I wouldn't be bothered if changed his mind and he's often (too) honest, so I would be surprised if lying.

I've not asked in a couple of years but I will tomorrow out of interest and see what he says.

I'm sure people think I'm being naive, but I really would be surprised if he uses regularly and hides it. Wouldn't be shocked if I ask and he admits there's been a couple of time, but equally would believe him if he says not.

@mollypuss1 I actually purposefully left out the 'all". Of course there are some men that don't, but that number is very very small. Even the data suggests that the vast majority of men watch porn and that's based on self reporting which is likely to be even lower than the truth.
Porn is incredibly addictive and widely available. It is pretty much one click away. If a man wants to watch porn but knows his wife disapproves he will lie about it. How else can he watch it without causing a row? It's like anything else that's addictive. So many people on Mumsnet seem to think their DH is different or above porn, they are likely deluded.

I watch porn. Im in a sexually gratifying relationship. So does my husband.

@Helmetbymidnight

I always find the women insistent that all men do, are either really young or have a very limited life experience.

Same as a PP, I find the opposite too.

I’m basing my ‘probably most men do, despite what they say’, to be based on having grotty brothers, working in a very male dominated field and having lots of make friends with whom I have a very drank relationship.

I mean Christ, one of their group chats is them sending basically porn in one form or another, some ‘weird’/‘funny’/‘gross’ to each other constantly. I left that group.

Frank*

@ShrikeAttack

I always think it's a bit odd when posters proclaim that all men watch porn and that women that think they don't are somehow naive or deluded. I don't understand why they're so keen to insist it's so. Is it because they have to believe that to accept their own partner's porn usage, or because they want to be seen as somehow more worldly?

Do I think the vast majority of men have seen porn at some point? Yes. Do I think all men use porn on a regular basis? No. Because, just like women, all men are individuals, have different tastes, desires, sexual motivations and moral frameworks.

It's a bit strange to make such sweeping statements.

👏

This

I think most people, men and women look at porn.

@x2boys

People can laugh all they want but I have access to my DH ,phone TV ,tablet etc and I'm pretty sure he doesn't watch porn

It is so easy to hide browsing history that access to all the above means absolutely nothing.

Most people I know have two Internet histories on their phone. The one they use for day to day browsing that remembers passwords, search terms etc and the other one that there is no record of.

@NormanStangerson

Not all of them, but probably most of them, despite what they tell their life partners.

This. Comes out in adultery threads every time.

@Beautiful3

I think most people, men and women look at porn.

Presuming you include yourself in the most, are you not concerned about viruses, keyloggers and other malware? I had a porn addicted boyfriend before DH came along and he kept a separate laptop purely for porn because he was concerned about the virus risk posed by the free porn websites.

Yes, absolutely, I think most men look at porn from time to time. I don’t think it has any bearing on their relationship, they completely compartmentalise it. I mean, I do.

I have full access to DH’s phone and iPad, but I never actually use either. Why would I - I have my own?

Private browsing is two clicks away. If he does have the odd look, I’d really have to go hunting. And given I don’t care / never use his phone / respect his privacy, I have no intention of hunting for anything.

People like watching people having sex. Some people like it a lot, some people find it mildly diverting when they’re in the mood. And a small minority, of probably mostly women, have no interest.

I’m middle-aged, if that has any bearing for those tallying up responses.

I don’t really know when DH would look at it, but I’m sure he does from time to time.

@Beautiful3

I think most people, men and women look at porn.

No they don't. Many may be shown some once or twice when they are young and not be interested. I can remember someone showing me a photo when I was sixteen, at first I couldn't work out what was going on in the picture and when I did, I felt sick.

My husband preferred cars (apart from me of course).

I always liked romantic stories with a touch of eroticism but nothing crude.

The naivety in the thread is quite something!

If your DH/DP denies it, and isn’t very smart about hiding it, and is “ALWAYS ON THEIR iPHONE!” You can have a look at cookie data on iPhone, which is logged separately to browsing history. They still have to be dumb enough not to be using Private Browsing, but they will be deleting their browsing history after their sesh. Not sure why you’d do it this way around, but maybe there are some.

Go to Settings->Safari->Advanced (all the way at the bottom)-> Website data.

This will show a log of every cookie accepted, which these days is A LOT!

For example I just went on Arsenal.com and got a cookie. Left, cleared history. No evidence I was there! Nope, go to the Website Data and search “Arse”. Boom. Arsenal.com.

Sorry in advance fellow men! But if you get caught this way, you have not hidden it well enough.

Dh and I have lived in each other's pockets for a year now since the first lockdown. I think I'd have noticed porn watching.

@JustDespair you wonder why I use my voice and not accept lies .. ermm.. because thats how everyone should be??

My partner says he doesn't and I have no reason to believe otherwise, he's an extremely trust worthy person, I don't have issue if he does and he knows that, it doesn't bother me at all which he knows. What he does in that respect when he's alone is his business! I sometimes do, I used to more but not particularly bothered these days!

My ex h used to CONSTANTLY, it got to the point where it just pissed me off, I never had an issue with it but when you're cleaning up the kitchen after doing everything in the house all day listening to music on Bluetooth headphones so you don't wake the sleeping toddlers and he goes off to the toilet and forgets his phone is also connected to said Bluetooth headphones so instead of some questionable 90s pop music I get an earful of some moaning woman, it got rather annoying! (You'd be surprised how often that happened!)

DH doesn't. He doesn't even like page 3 style pics. I used to try and get him to have a look as I do!
About 10 years ago he had a look at pornhub but had too many "my dirty step-sister" and banging of holes that it turned him off. Lots of it is also rape fantasy and he has to deal with the effects of rape as party of his job and so can't understand how people find that sexy.

Honest to God its laughable how gullible some you are.

They all watch it. Of course they do.

Why is it always asking about men in these posts? I don't believe that 99% of women don't watch porn. I probably watch more than my DH right now as I'm very pregnant and very horny.

Also, all your lovely DH's probably don't wank in front of you right? It's private.

They watch it. They delete it. They say they don't watch it.

No man is lying there using his imagination when he has his phone sitting next to him.

I remembered also years ago (maybe 15) having a discussion about how he knew so many of the people who are filmed for porn were sexually abused as children or have been trafficked. Not all but enough to worry that the person you are watching are effectively being raped for your gratification. I was a bit gutted in a selfish way as I liked porn and this definitely ruined it for me. Now I don't watch it as l can't help but think of how many of these people wouldn't have got into the industry if they hadn't be forced or abused as children.

Well there’s quite a large no-fap community isn’t there so presumably those men don’t.