Let me hear your most ridiculous baby boasts

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

It’s going to get worse isn’t it

I’ve been on here long enough to know that babies can bring out the worst competitiveness in parents, I wasn’t expecting it to start quite so early.

Last week I had my 12 week scan, first baby. I was very nervous due to a previous loss. The sonographer thankfully let me hear the heartbeat straight away, but when she found the baby, it was very still. She got me to move around a bit to wake it up, which it eventually did, so she could get some pictures and measurements etc.

For some reason, I’d not considered they slept in there. I was jokingly telling my friend who had a baby last year, that ours was asleep when she started the scan. ‘Oh’ says my friend. ‘Ours was very active, she was jumping around all over the place, she even waved. But she’s always been very curious about everything. You’re probably going to have quite a lazy baby, I’d think.’

So there we go, at three months and still in my womb, someone has already compared my baby to their’s

Let me hear some other examples and have a laugh.

@OlmostOlwyn

Any stories I tell about my toddler, my friend immediately counters with a "similar" story about her cat... 😹

Don't get me started on how clever my cat is

🤣🤣🤣

At playgroup the DC were playing with play doh. Only one DM kept ‘helping’ her DD (whilst loudly performance parenting and explaining to her DD what she was doing) and basically producing things for her.

Another DM wandered over and was amazed at what a 2 YO had apparently produced. The girl’s DM was smiling and proudly talking about her little artist. When the little girl piped up and said “no mummy, I did this,” proudly pointing to her nose. Her DM hadn’t spotted that her DD had been busy sticking the playdoh up her nose and had slimy streams of blue snot running down her face.

@Level32 nursery were quite alarmed when ds' nappy contents was bright purple one day. I explained that he had discovered beetroot. Funnily enough he is 4 now and he is still fascinated by what he produces after eating it. I think it might be the only reason he eats it but he's eating a vegetable so I'll count that as a win

@ScrambledSmegs

I remember silently pitying the other parents in my baby group their perfectly normal-looking babies, whilst mine was obviously the most beautiful baby the world had ever seen. People should have been paying me to gaze upon her angelic face.

I look at the photos from those days, at my spotty, cross-eyed, cradle-cap covered baby and think I must have been so high on oxytocin that I'm surprised I managed to put my shoes on the right feet when I went out.

I genuinely believe that Mother Nature does this weird thing where, the less cute the baby, the harder the happy/protective hormones kick in so the mother doesn’t abandon it in a ditch somewhere.

I remember my sister ringing me the day after she had her little girl and she was in actual tears because she felt so sorry for the other mothers on the ward whose babies pales into insignificance when hers was wheeled in.

Literally sobbing on about how she hoped they’d be able to love their babies anyway, now that they knew such an angel existed on earth.

God love her, her baby (who filled out and got really cute at about the 4 month mark) looked like someone had tried to carve Kermit into a potato when she first came out.

[quote merryhouse]@Lanadelsugarray Surely the only response to the statement that someone's "skipped a whole development stage" is a raised brow and a lightly-concerned "ooh dear, that doesn't sound good"?[/quote]
I wish I was that quick witted. It's almost countless the things she came out with. One of the straws that broke the camel's back for me was on hearing that I was deferring my summer-born sons entry until he was 5 was 'well my son has been ready since he was three, he should have been allowed to go at 3 because he thinks and, I agree, that all of the other children in his pre-school are morons compared to him. ' I was utterly gobsmacked. needless to say he struggled to make friends and had a lot of issues when he started school because he would go around saying stuff like this. Dread to think what it's like now

My baby is so advanced at 4 months. Seriously. He can use the internet, navigate Moonpig? write a gorgeous witty message and even roll to our concierge to pick up my Mother's Day gift. SO THERE!

I get confused about what is and is not performance parenting. I narrate what I'm doing and baby is doing "well done darling, you bash that teddy bear... yes we like the different textures of the rug don't we" because I heard it's good for language development. Am I performing... to myself? Does my TV think I'm w wanker?

Must husbands grandmother was the worst for this. Apparently her first born was standing up in her cot and saying "good morning mother" at about 9 months

@VodselForDinner I think you're right. I remember being genuinely confused that passers by at the hospital when we left didn't stop to marvel at wonder baby.

One such gem included 'have you tried talking to him so he can copy you?' when he was still without speech aged 3. It still boggles my mind that she thought the issue was I did not speak to him FFS

Jeesus. What a weapon.

I’ve posted before about my nephew who is severely physically disabled and has been in a wheelchair from a very young age.

When he was about two and it was obvious that he wasn’t walking when compared to his peers, one local mum gave my SIL the following advice-
“Just stop picking him up or giving him things. Leave him on the floor and he’ll soon learn what’s expected of him, and start walking”

So yeah, disabled child, we need you to manage our expectations.

My Mum is competitive parenting with ME. As in, comparing my children's milestones to mine and my brothers. Apparently I walked the day before my first birthday and it's such a shame that my 1y1m daughter isn't walking yet, and maybe I should be encouraging her more.

Drives me WILD the way everything is made such a meal of when they're so little. And it's only getting worse with my 2y11m son. Such a shame he potty trained at 2y4m rather than 2y. Such a shame he doesn't know all his letters such. JOG ON, MUM.

It used to really bug me, but now I'm on the second child who came out of the womb the polar opposite of her brother I just laugh mildly at how pathetic it is and move on. I mean, really, I'm thirty! You'd think she'd have had enough of all that comparing crap by now!

I agree with PP, your friend should be careful what she wishes for! I would MUCH rather have a ‘lazy baby’ who sleeps well and doesn’t fuss about and doesn’t try to walk too soon thus cracking their head off everything in sight. There seems to be so much competition for kids to hit their milestones early but all the kids I know who were walking very early have had bad injuries like cracked teeth and fractured bones. Neither of mine walked until they were good and ready and we’ve never had any serious falls. They also tend to be better talkers when they’re not as hyperactive, so apples and oranges really!
When I had my first DD, my childless SIL told me that she was walking, talking, potty trained and drawing recognisable pictures by the time she turned one so my DD had that to live up to 🙄

This thread has been an absolute tonic to me today-I’ve been feeling a bit meh since I got up after a rubbish sleep.
Mine are grown up now, I can’t remember what they did at scans, but I’m very proud of my ds who at 10ish months spent a 2 week holiday in Tenerife sitting in his pushchair playing with a teaspoon

This has reminded me about a visit to the clinic to have my first baby weighed back in 1982 when he was a few months old. We were encouraged to go regularly.
We had to undress them in the clinic down to their nappies and I was standing next to another one undressing her baby on a changing mat like I was. She told me to look at the way her baby was wriggling around and kicking her legs. Apparently her daughter was already very advanced and gifted because she was trying to move herself up the changing mat. I just smiled and nodded.

Also, I love the things that midwives etc come out with in their patter. At my first's scan he was clearly dozing and the tech said: "What a peaceful baby. This will be a quiet one for sure." And do you know what, he was!

My second came out with her hand on her head (OUCH, by the way) and the midwife said: "Ah, this one will be a great thinker." She's still in the drooling and eating things off the floor stage, so we'll see about that!

I'm so glad I'm at the stage where I can find that kind of soothsaying entertaining. I was horrendously anxious with my first and really though I might be able to see signs of future problems in a six month old baby. Now I just wonder how many adults knows if their friends or colleagues were breastfed or walked at such-and-such an age. I mean, if it made a difference, surely one would be able to tell!

Some people talk the most hideous shite when they become parents, it’s utterly utterly ridiculous.

Do yourself a favour and just opt out of the game. Do not let it get under your skin, as it says far more about them and their priorities than about you or your child.

I was told when my baby was small that my friend's baby was completely potty trained by four months. He wasn't, his mum had held him on her lap over a potty after feeds, and had got lucky.

Waving

her baby looked like someone had tried to carve Kermit into a potato when she first came out.

My DD had hiccups during one of her scans and now at 20 she's a right piss head so I guess that was prescient. Just kidding of course....

Both of my DC were born with blisters on their fingers from sucking them in the womb...

Someone once claimed their 4 month old had worked out that the breast pump was stealing his milk and was hitting it.

When I was born, my Granddad looked at me and said, "This one will go to Oxford". My Mum likes to remember that this was because he could see how alert and intelligent I was. But my Nan tells me it was because I had an egg-head!

I'm with @Vursayles - opt out of the game. I think this is why you find that those parents who have children with very real challenges are often the most at peace, and the nicest to speak to. Knowing your child will never go to university, make the school team, or possibly even walk unassisted must free you from the whole silly game and let you focus on the truly important things - the love, joy and wonder that every child brings to our lives.

My DS was a couple of weeks overdue.
I was told by several people, he was probably ‘just’ a lazy baby 🤷‍♀️ Another person said their early baby ‘couldn’t wait to be part of their family’, inferring somehow my dear baby was avoiding us 🙄
DS was a good early sleeper - I was told by a friend bright children don’t sleep well.
He’s now 29 and I still know a few competitive grand-parents, telling they were ‘so glad their DS wanted children while DIL was still young enough to have healthy babies’!

And of course my DS is still the most perfect of the lot of them 😉

A boy at my baby group was fully potty trained by 10 months. I mean, he still wore pull ups to bed amd had lots of "accidents" but apart from that, fully toilet trained.

There must be an inverse of 12 Steps Programme for infants whereby this is wholly acceptable. [Infant X] is a genius. Behaviours or indications to the contrary are aberrations to be ignored.

Does anyone remember the classics thread that was full of mothers reporting their over-estimation of the beauty of their pfb and the likelihood of sending other women into a frenzy of jealousy (amongst other confessions)?

God love her, her baby (who filled out and got really cute at about the 4 month mark) looked like someone had tried to carve Kermit into a potato when she first came out.

@VodselForDinner .

In my defence DC wasn't bashed up-looking at all despite the rather traumatic birth so it was partly relief that she didn't have bruises or a cone-head from the venteuse. But yes, thank goodness for the love-drugs!