Let me hear your most ridiculous baby boasts

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

It’s going to get worse isn’t it

I’ve been on here long enough to know that babies can bring out the worst competitiveness in parents, I wasn’t expecting it to start quite so early.

Last week I had my 12 week scan, first baby. I was very nervous due to a previous loss. The sonographer thankfully let me hear the heartbeat straight away, but when she found the baby, it was very still. She got me to move around a bit to wake it up, which it eventually did, so she could get some pictures and measurements etc.

For some reason, I’d not considered they slept in there. I was jokingly telling my friend who had a baby last year, that ours was asleep when she started the scan. ‘Oh’ says my friend. ‘Ours was very active, she was jumping around all over the place, she even waved. But she’s always been very curious about everything. You’re probably going to have quite a lazy baby, I’d think.’

So there we go, at three months and still in my womb, someone has already compared my baby to their’s

Let me hear some other examples and have a laugh.

My DD hid her face and was generally uncooperative at her 20 week scan. This thread has made me realise it was because she was so advanced she was sulking that daddy couldn't be there.

(Mind you, she's still pretty uncooperative at 3 months...)

Oh god, the competition over teeth! "Tilly already has six teeth you know?"

@Lanadelsugarray

I had a friend who said the reason her son was having difficulty toilet training was that his genitals were too big. When my son got his toy kitchen, she said 'thats cute, my son skipped that whole development stage' . Also she claimed his first words were octopus and thorax among other things.

We aren't friends any more.

This thread is addictive. "Development stage"... who talks like this? 🤨😂

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

These are great. I've just been reminded of one of the most brilliant threads I've read on Mumsnet, a few years ago now: it was called 'Performance Dad in the Swimming Pool'.

Bet we've all seen one ...

😯 I'm immediately rushing off to find this thread

In nine months time your friend will be green with envy that your lazy sloth baby often falls asleep. sometimes right through the night. Or at least long enough for you to have a pee, a shower and a cup of tea.

@Sosomego

I had a colleague who used to claim that while his wife was pregnant with their PFB that the baby could recognise his voice, which is not beyond the bounds of possibility. But then he would go on to say that the baby wouldn't settle down to sleep at night until she had a cuddle and story from Daddy, all whilst still in the womb!

I am convinced I know this person!

The person I am thinking of watched our DS1 aged 4 having a tantrum and sneered that HIS child would not dream of behaving in such a way. We pointed out that his child was aged 3 months.

I mean if this is true our unborn is some sort of psychic genius as they were in the perfect position for the anomaly scan....

Every scan so far they’ve had their hand on their forehead like some sort of Roman tragedy. Utter drama llama.

Ignore them OP we’ve got enough to worry about!!

@SmidgenofaPigeon

These are all really brightening up my morning Naturally, the wonderful but quite averagely academic children I nanny for are both VERY GIFTED. In fact, their mum had to take the boy home from a party at age 4, because he was asked to read out a clue from the treasure hunt they were doing, and he read so well that the other children were agape and the parents in a deep despair that their children were not at that level. She said ‘we left before it got ugly’

I was my mum’s PFB, and because I had long fingers, she kept saying I’d be a natural pianist. She never fostered this or paid for any lessons, we didn’t even have a piano, but even now when she looks at my fingers she will say ‘such a shame you never did become a pianist’

. My DM said exactly the same about my fingers! Except I did start learning the piano and I was distinctly mediocre. My family aren't musical and it turns out that telling someone they will be good at something doesn't automatically make it so!

A relative announced that her, only just over a year old, whowas sitting playing was completely dry and clean and didn't need nappies at all. When he moved there was a large wet patch on the carpet.

Weirdly, the 'boasts' made about me were kinda negative.

She is only 8 months old and she can speak. She says 'no'.

She is speaking full sentences and she hasn't grown hair yet!

She can escape from her cot and she can't even walk yet!

And so on.

@Lanadelsugarray Surely the only response to the statement that someone's "skipped a whole development stage" is a raised brow and a lightly-concerned "ooh dear, that doesn't sound good"?

@Level32

"Iwinatmakingshittybabies"

This made me laugh so much. I'm off to tesco now to buy more kiwis -- #therecanbeonlyonewinner! 🏆

@OlmostOlwyn

Any stories I tell about my toddler, my friend immediately counters with a "similar" story about her cat... 😹

Does she have kids? To be fair, cats are quite a lot like babies

My DD had her hand and arm over her face for all her later scans. Still hates having her picture taken.

Honestly the comparisons I got with her, still do. Just use your pregnancy to practise in a mirror doing a head tilt and saying 'thats nice'. Useful practise for the teenage years as well.

Oh god, this thread brought back some memories. It never really stops, either, my FB page is still full of "To my wonderful, gorgeous, sassy, answer for everything, cleve DCr, etc."

I do remember this usual competitiveness at the baby and toddler group, bar one lovely young mum who had a baby with Downs. When they went round the circle asking about our weeks, almost everyone else would say "DC walked" or "DC hit this milestone", but she would always say something non development related like "We visited XYZ" or "We enjoyed the sunny weather". Chatting to her, she once told me that if anyone else feels the pressure she feels with milestones and developments, then hopefully her answers would put them at ease.

I had so much respect for her, it must've been so difficult not to compare her little one to the others, who often gave pitying looks or asked awkward questions about would he ever be learn to talk, or be "normal". She took it all in her stride and seemed incredibly happy with her smiley little lad.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Weirdly, the 'boasts' made about me were kinda negative.

She is only 8 months old and she can speak. She says 'no'.

She is speaking full sentences and she hasn't grown hair yet!

She can escape from her cot and she can't even walk yet!

And so on.

Well "No" is a complete sentence after all...

Just to back up some of the comments... mine was very “lazy” and chilled in the womb, resulting in numerous visits to the MAU to check they were ok?! A friend who was due a month before me: “oh my baby is soooo active, she doesn’t stop moving my mum thinks she’ll arrive early!”

Cue a year later...

My kid: has energy alright 😂 but loooooves a good sleep
My friends kid: fuck sleep who needs it

I think I've mentioned this before on here but when my ds was very small a "friend" whose son was a month younger said that she thought you could definitely see which babies were going to be the leaders of the future when they were one year old (obvs hers was going to be and mine wasn't - who knows she might be right). Gives a whole new meaning to the "give me a boy of 7 and I'll show you a man" thing.

One advantage of working full time/4 days a week when he was small was that I avoided parent groups and competitive parents.

One of my personal favourites was "DC is the cleverest at nursery, the school actually approached us and asked us to apply for a space, they really want him." This was at pickup, so when my eyes wandered over to her DC kicking a plastic box at another child, I found it quite hard to believe.

@PlanetPuddle

One I had was trying to show off that her baby had woken up more in the night than mine because he is so advanced and learning so much that he is just too clever to sleep..

I think she was probably delirious from the sleep deprivation to boast about that 😂

A younger mother earnestly told my friend and i that her child couldn’t possibly go to the local primary due to his “sporting prowess” that only a private school could nurture. He was 2 😁. We just nodded along !

Also MIL's PFB, who was apparently the most gifted child ever to exist. She once confided in me that he had spoken at 4 months and been a "worldly" and "sophisticated" toddler. Later that evening, I saw him (at 20 something) lick the scaletrix track on a dare from some younger cousins. I really like him, he's great fun and a good uncle, but nothing like the prodigy MIL seems to think.

@110APiccadilly

My DD hid her face and was generally uncooperative at her 20 week scan. This thread has made me realise it was because she was so advanced she was sulking that daddy couldn't be there.

(Mind you, she's still pretty uncooperative at 3 months...)

Is it bad that I enjoy so many of these quite as much as I do?

I'm disappointed that no-one thought to sign up your in utero DD for remote viewing because that would pretty much be a slam dunk.

@babbaloushka

Oh god, this thread brought back some memories. It never really stops, either, my FB page is still full of "To my wonderful, gorgeous, sassy, answer for everything, cleve DCr, etc."

I do remember this usual competitiveness at the baby and toddler group, bar one lovely young mum who had a baby with Downs. When they went round the circle asking about our weeks, almost everyone else would say "DC walked" or "DC hit this milestone", but she would always say something non development related like "We visited XYZ" or "We enjoyed the sunny weather". Chatting to her, she once told me that if anyone else feels the pressure she feels with milestones and developments, then hopefully her answers would put them at ease.

I had so much respect for her, it must've been so difficult not to compare her little one to the others, who often gave pitying looks or asked awkward questions about would he ever be learn to talk, or be "normal". She took it all in her stride and seemed incredibly happy with her smiley little lad.

I love that. DS1 has learning difficulties and the extent of it did not become clear until he was 4-5. (no speech until 4, still in nappies at 6 etc). It used to distress me when I saw other children reaching milestones and I would look at him and worry so much about what was wrong.

During lockdown he had alot of online contact with his class and so i was able to see where the other children were at compared to him. He still cannot write properly and can only draw stick figures, and i still feel that pain. (He's 12).

I used to struggle with one particular mum who was incredibly competitive and would do the head tilt and faux concern about his development. (She saw me buying nappies once when he was 6 and it nearly killed me to see the look on her face). She used to give me 'advice' based on her clearly superior parenting. One such gem included 'have you tried talking to him so he can copy you?' when he was still without speech aged 3. It still boggles my mind that she thought the issue was I did not speak to him FFS.

Anyway, I can be very boasty when I report that DS is bloody brilliant at the maths questions on Countdown and once ate 16 chicken nuggets in a sitting.

In my case it's been a little different. My in-laws always compare all my younger children to my eldest. He walked at 1 but in there selective memories it's been brought down from 12 months to 9! He had quite a few select words at 14 months, they claim he was talking fluently at 1, his first tooth came at 10 months though if you were to believe them then by 1 he had a mouthful of teeth. The list goes on
My oh and I just roll our eyes and the other children know it's all exaggerated even eldest DC is embarrassed by it