Boys playground games banned by school....

[Lollipop888]

Not strictly an aibu as I don’t have strong feelings either way, but ds (8) has been playing armies/war/ww2 in the playground with a group of friends, but came home upset because school have banned them from playing it.

He thinks it’s not fair. I can see school’s Point of view, that pretend shooting etc is not in good taste, but on the other hand, it is just role play, unless it becomes violent, Which obviously is not on. (Ds is very interested in ww2 and is quite knowledgeable about it for his age). I was wondering how other schools viewed this/handled this?

I am not used to boys and the way they play as he has older sisters!

I wonder how it has impacted on other kids in the playground. Is it just boys playing it? In my experience they don't ban pretend games for no reason other than the theme (depending on the school obvs). If you're bothered I would gently probe a bit deeper with school.

Have a google about the feminisation of education. It's a theory about how education is being tailored to the needs of quiet girls and boys needs being overridden. I dont agree with everything that is said but I do think there is a tendency to try and stop boys being energetic and boisterous because it can be harder to manage and I think that is a mistake.

I don't allow pretend killing games or games with guns in my class I'm afraid. I just don't think it's necessary or pleasant. I don't believe it's necessarily innocent fun (as cops and robbers and such like used to be seen) as there's a strong chance some of these children are playing realistic violent video games, or at least have had exposure to them, and I think they shift the perception of 'pretend violence'. I think it's quite a common school rule to be honest, at least in the schools I'm familiar with.

I know that in areas where hang culture is a problem, some primaries ban pretend shoot em up games. Because as young as 10, some kids are at risk of Child Criminal Exploitation. It's all subjective and relative. Is it really masculine to pretend to shoot and kill? Is it totally harmless if some kids don't enjoy it, or some kids get carried away? Is it such a loss to boys... So many other ways to play.

Gang culture.. I mean

Depends how closely they are playing WW2 in my opinion. Are they pretending to be Nazis with salutes and stuff?!

I am not used to boys and the way they play as he has older sisters!*

You've had 8 years and you're not used to boys ????

I’ll be honest, I don’t really like gun games and when I worked in EYFS I said no. I think it’s normalised from a very young age and it doesn’t need to be. Rough and tumble games are fine, guns don’t need to be involved. I remember saying this on my PGCE and getting shouted down by the mentor who had asked us what we thought, having just published a paper on why gun play is absolutely fine.

There are so many ways for boys to explore boundaries, rough play, etc without using pretend guns.

That clapping games girls do is banned from our primary. No idea why. My son and his friends used to play wrestling at primary school. My son never watched wrestling but his friends did. They occasionally got hurt but bloody loved it. No idea why that wasn't banned they played it every lunch time.

I agree with the school, sorry. War is not a game, and ww2 is still within living memory. My grandparents could all tell you terrible stories of things that happened during the war, from front line combat to air raids to concentration camps... It's certainly not something I think should be used as fodder for playground games.

Plenty of other rough and tumble games they can play without adding the war element

I live in America, the land of school shootings. As you might imagine, pretend play involving shooting on the school campus is absolutely forbidden. See also anything resembling a weapon in a costume even if the costume is part of a school assignment.

I dont think the use of guns or other weapons is something to glamorise I'm afraid. And war play could be too close to the bone for any refugee children / survivors of war atrocities. We may not have had a war in this Country for a very long time, but lots of children living here may well witnessed horrific things in other Countries.

Also pp has a point about violent games being played on games consoles, acting them out in the playground encourages other young children to want to access games that may be inappropriate.

It really depends what sort of WW games they are playing.

When my oldest son was that age I went to his school & made them stop the kids playing World Wars because the game they were playing was to be Nazis killing Jews by pushing the designated Jews into the goalposts (which were apparently ovens.)

Nobody needs to be playing that sort of game.

I don’t allow shooting games at all either just as a mum of a reception age boy, he’d never seen a gun or heard of one or even knew they existed until he started school where obviously some other boys have older siblings so game with them or watch them game. Made me a bit disappointed 😞 he’s my eldest and we don’t have any form of gaming in our house as my DH has never been into PlayStation or Xbox etc.

Perhaps worth finding out why the school has done this. It may be that something about WW2 is about to be part of the teaching in the upper end of the school.

I don’t allow shooting games either and neither does my kids’ school. They’re absolutely weapon-free.

Interesting to read these responses. I am a 1950's child. All adults had been through one or both wars when I was growing up. Our children's comics were full of war stories (fictional) and resistance heroes and many of our playground and street games were war games. I was quite little and was under the impression that a Nazi was some sort of tomato. My contemporaries and siblings (a few years older) all turned into pleasant, non-violent adults. The adults around us were totally unmoved by the games we played. No-one ever stopped us.

Games with weapons are a massive no. And no, boys will not be boys. Play something else.

I hate gun play and that type of role play. I think it's really unpleasant and as a PP has said war is not a game- for many around the world it's still a grim reality and I wouldn't want my child making light of that in any way. There's so many other kinds of rough/boisterous play for children to engage in.

Yabu to call them "Boys' games". Some girls like this sort of thing too...I certainly did.

I would have no problem with my son, or indeed my daughter, playing these games if they wanted to. We used to play similar as children and didn't equate it with actual adult violence.
I guess if it is school policy then that's that though. Games for the park/garden instead.

I think, barring certain specific and unusual environments, banning games like that shows a lack of understanding of children's development. It's very natural for kids to play games involving death and killing, be it superheroes, or wwII, or whatever.

I do sometimes find it funny to compare my youth with what the kids do now: When I was at primary school we played three games a lot:
Star Wars (blasters and lightsabers, evil fathers, blowing p planets)
Lost Kids (dead parents)
Girls After Boys/Boys After Girls - kidnapping (and forced kissing by the girls)

Are they only allowing girls to play these games?

I’ve never had toy guns in the house either and haven’t allowed fortnite or other similar games (despite a lot of his school friends playing them).

I’m also not comfortable with shooting games, which is why I can see the point of view of the school (And why we’ve not allowed the games above).

The interest in wars/army is a recent phase (which I’m hoping will end soon) but I am finding it difficult to know how to manage and how far the “role play” should go. At home we have play armies with playmobil etc.

It is a very different experience having previously had girls- who were lively and high energy but channelled that into gymnastics, dancing etc.

Boys seem to be more aggressive players generally. Pre covid, at parties and play dates I’ve felt uncomfortable with some of the rough play and have had words with my ds about it, when a lot of other parents seem to ignore it or let it go. I wasn’t sure if I was being too harsh- being more used to girls!

Also agree with school. Don't forget there will be refugees from war torn countries that won't find it innocent fun.

Boys can also do dancing and gymnastics.