Boys playground games banned by school....

[Lollipop888]

Not strictly an aibu as I don’t have strong feelings either way, but ds (8) has been playing armies/war/ww2 in the playground with a group of friends, but came home upset because school have banned them from playing it.

He thinks it’s not fair. I can see school’s Point of view, that pretend shooting etc is not in good taste, but on the other hand, it is just role play, unless it becomes violent, Which obviously is not on. (Ds is very interested in ww2 and is quite knowledgeable about it for his age). I was wondering how other schools viewed this/handled this?

I am not used to boys and the way they play as he has older sisters!

I'm afraid all fighting games are banned at my school. That includes wrestling, Pokémon, police etc. It's because it inevitably gets out of hand and someone gets hurt. Then we have parents usually blaming the other children and never acknowledging that their child could have been actively joining in, then you have the occasions when those games are used to actively isolate or bully other children, the setting up of 'gangs' (even in primary). I could go on.

When you have seen a couple of children 'wrestling' and you run towards them to see one pulling the other ones head face first into the concrete before you can stop it you find it hard to see any benefits to this type of play.

@stayingaliveisawayoflife

I'm afraid all fighting games are banned at my school. That includes wrestling, Pokémon, police etc. It's because it inevitably gets out of hand and someone gets hurt. Then we have parents usually blaming the other children and never acknowledging that their child could have been actively joining in, then you have the occasions when those games are used to actively isolate or bully other children, the setting up of 'gangs' (even in primary). I could go on.

When you have seen a couple of children 'wrestling' and you run towards them to see one pulling the other ones head face first into the concrete before you can stop it you find it hard to see any benefits to this type of play.

And then they seriously wonder why children are fat and/or out of shape.

www.child-encyclopedia.com/play/according-experts/young-childrens-play-fighting-and-use-war-toys

I have several children in my class who are from Syria, two of them in the last year (they're 8/9 years old). No guns or war games in school. These children have seen enough of it for real.

@An0n0n0n

Boys can also do dancing and gymnastics.

Yes of course, I’d be happy for him to do those things, but he shows no interest in them.

I used to play those games as a little girl. I am now a Warlord and shoot innocent kids in my spare time.

@SmokedDuck

I think, barring certain specific and unusual environments, banning games like that shows a lack of understanding of children's development. It's very natural for kids to play games involving death and killing, be it superheroes, or wwII, or whatever.

I do sometimes find it funny to compare my youth with what the kids do now: When I was at primary school we played three games a lot:
Star Wars (blasters and lightsabers, evil fathers, blowing p planets)
Lost Kids (dead parents)
Girls After Boys/Boys After Girls - kidnapping (and forced kissing by the girls)

And yet, there are loads of violent things we don't allow them to do - stabbing something to death or kicking something in the head until it’s eyes pop out.

There’s been absolutely loads of studies on this and the exploration of the understanding of death in play does not have to come from pretend violence.

*don’t allow them to do in play, that should read.

Ours are allowed to play fight on the playground as long as it doesn't get out of hand and nobody gets hurt. I've got several boys in my class who like to be physical. It's nothing malicious. They aren't mean to each other. They are six and seven years old.
DS is four and plays games where they chase and pretend to shoot each other on the playground. Several of the girls in his class seem to enjoy those games, too.

However, we are abroad and attitudes are different. I sometimes get the impression kids here are much more left to play without adult interference.

Ask the school why

Ours banned football as the playground was dominated by it.

[quote SmokedDuck]www.child-encyclopedia.com/play/according-experts/young-childrens-play-fighting-and-use-war-toys[/quote]
Really interesting thanks

I'm glad they've banned it, completely not appropriate for the playground at all.
I only have girls, but we don't do weapons of any kind in this house. Horrible.

Interesting that many schools ban all forms of the shooting games outright. Unless in a America where school shootings are a sad reality, its unlikely that one of those boys will come across a gun at home and try it for real.
Play is how children learn. I'm not a fan of violent video games but rough and tumble in the playground actually shows how your actions effects other. A game of cops and robbers ending in a scraped knee because someone pushed too hard can be a lesson in cause and effect, empathy and conflict resolution. Sounds over the top but that's exactly what play does for children. If we try to police play all the time we are taking that opportunity away from them. It's also a great way for them to process difficult topics.
Obviously there could be issues in the background in this specific case which led to the ban but in general there isnt anything wrong with that type of play.

Yes my kid’s school has a zero tolerance policy for play that involves knives or guns. I’m perfectly happy for them to take a hard line on glamorising weapons and violence.

This is a pretty sexist thread, the OP sounds like a parent from the 70s.

I would be asking school for a reason, to understand whether they were concerned specifically. Probably good if they can find something else to do, it sounds a bit grim. WW2 is depressing when overdone.

@Liverbird77

Yabu to call them "Boys' games". Some girls like this sort of thing too...I certainly did.

I would have no problem with my son, or indeed my daughter, playing these games if they wanted to. We used to play similar as children and didn't equate it with actual adult violence.
I guess if it is school policy then that's that though. Games for the park/garden instead.

Yes I agree that iabu to write that... it wasn’t just boys playing it, some of the girls in their class were too.

Ds was very excited by the game, it was all he talked about on the way home from school so was deflated today.

Really interesting read @SmokedDuck
Didn’t realise quite just how important play fighting etc. was in development.

There are many ways to be boisterous and energetic that don't involve normalising violence. It would be quite nice if more people stopped seeing shooting,violence, aggression and war games as 'boys will be boys'.

FWIW, at school most of our class played British Bulldog.Bulldog was banned because it was dominating the playground and it was getting rough. At the time it seemed unfair, but as an adult it makes sense to not have 32 10 year olds having a monopoly on the playground and getting physical each playtime. There were other children in the playground, not just us.

@Moonmelodies

Are they only allowing girls to play these games?

No, they’ve banned them for boys and girls.

Thread title was an oversight on my part.

“This is a pretty sexist thread, the OP sounds like a parent from the 70s.”

😁👍

@helpfulperson

Have a google about the feminisation of education. It's a theory about how education is being tailored to the needs of quiet girls and boys needs being overridden. I dont agree with everything that is said but I do think there is a tendency to try and stop boys being energetic and boisterous because it can be harder to manage and I think that is a mistake.

I think it’s a mistake to think boys can’t play nicely. Energetic and boisterous are used to say violent in my experience.

I think the school need to explain why its banned. If its because they think its normalising violence then they need to say so. Without discussion it will have the opposite effect and the game's appeal will have risen even higher

Worth pointing out that if you feel these kind of games important to your child's development, you can of course allow them to play them outside of school hours!

Schools have to manage ALL the children's behaviour at break/lunchtime, and may ban certain games for good reason (usually to manage a more enjoyable break for everyone). It may well be that if staff are constantly having to manage fall outs over gun games, then that may be why it's been banned.

Maybe you can give him an opportunity to play war games outside of school. Not thinking they should be banned altogether, but I can see why school might ban it. You don't necessarily know what problems they've had with video game related violence etc.
Schools need a lot more rules than home to keep everyone safe and happy, and children aren't there to play specific games. It's up to parents to provide children with opportunities that school can't.

@smokedduck that article is quite vague..its clear that socio-dramatic play has value, it's not clear at all in evidencing that pretend play involving guns or war specifically have value.

There are other ways to get the same developmental benefits, lots of children will channel similar behaviours but with much more positive & valuable themes: police, superheroes, space travel etc.