To not want a cat

[UpstairsDownstairsAndInBetween]

We have one already so I am probably BU. She is gorgeous, very sweet. But I don't want a cat. DH said they do their own thing, not like a dog. He lied. It's like having another toddler.

My DC has only recently started sleeping through in their own room and now instead I get woken by the cat at 5.30 every morning instead, meowing to announce that she has done a poo.

It's me that ends up feeding her, cleaning the litter tray, letting her in and out of the house because we don't have a cat flap and installing one would mean replacing the door. DH just leaves the back door open so we all freeze. She's not cheap either, having had 2 vets visits already and she's not even a year old.

The cat is very needy and likes to be with us when she's in the house, doing what cats do... sitting on my laptop when I'm trying to work, swatting my headphone lead, climbing the curtains when we are trying to sleep, ripping the furniture to shreds instead of the scratching pole, stealing my DCs soft toys and ripping them apart (yes she has her own toys but you know how it is, someone else's toys are always much more interesting). I've lost count of how many of my clothes have been snagged by the cat's claws.

I can't go out of the front door unless she's shut in a room in case she runs out of the front (we are on a main road). Having tradespeople in the house is a pain because the bloody cat is always in the way or they leave the front door open. The final straw is I want to redecorate some of the house but can't face the prospect of the cat stepping in the paint tray.

I know it's not the cats fault but AIBU?

YABU - what else do you want to know?

YANBU but is there a chance that with another cat she'll leave you alone more?

Cats are pricks.
But YABU it's their job.

I'd get another cat. They'll keep each other amused.

Aww. They do calm down a lot when they get older. Yours is the feline equivalent of a stroppy teenager.

It's the biggest PR scam ever IMO, this idea that cats just get on with their own thing and you hardly notice them.
We don't have them any longer and every now and then DH starts up about wanting a kitten. I just have to remind him how the last kittens turned out and he soon drops the subject.

That said I did love the furry little buggers enormously and miss them still. But if you're not a cat person, you're not a cat person. And having one is definitely not going to turn you into one.

Sounds like you shouldn’t have a cat in the first place. Being on a main road is not ideal. We have a cat, it goes out and is tired when it comes back in because it’s been out all day. It has a cat flap. It gets locked downstairs so it doesn’t wake us up. Simple. Mostly your problems are because you are living in the wrong place to own a cat... or it sounds like it. Don’t get another.

Have you had her since she was a kitten? The main road thing is a worry, she is allowed out the back but not the front?

I don't know what to suggest really. All the things you mention are normal cat behaviour, but all conversations that should have been had prior to the cat arriving which is now a year ago.

I wouldn't get a second cat if you're struggling with one. Cats are territorial abd introducing adult cats is stressful and may not work out. If you end up with two cats who tolerate each other. They also need extra resources to reduce conflict - general rule is 1 per cat plus 1 so 3 litre trays 3 feeding areas etc for 2 cats.

Why would you get a pet you don't want and that might upset your existing cat?

My sister told me I'm a monster because I rejoined my 2 cats.

They were waking up my baby everyday at 4 am from birth. They didn't like him being there much so had to let us know in the worst way!

They are manipulative, clever, spiteful but very cute and gorgeous. Just like toddlers!

I'm definitely a dog person, but the cat is very lovely. DC adores her of course. But the damage the cat causes 😱

The thought of another cat in the mix is terrifying. What if they don't get on? Imagine the vet (and food/litter) bills.

If you didn't live on a main road you could get the catflap installed and most the situation would improve.

Re-homed- even auto correct is judging me!

It's fine to change your mind about wanting a cat now you see the reality of having one is different to what you expected. It's just an animal, not a child - re-home it if you aren't happy. The cat will get over it in 5 in minutes and you won't have to put up with it for 15 more years.

YANBU they can be hard work but they do generally get calmer with age. A cat flap is essential though and then at night shut them in the room which has the cat flap in, their food and a little bed. Our cat would wake us up early if we didn't do this. We adopted an older cat so they were past the kitten stage and that was the best thing, I don't think I have the patience for a kitten.

Sorry what's the AIBU? You are thinking of getting another cat? There isn't much to do about the one you already have, but a second might entertain the first. They might hate each other though.
Cats have their own personalities. My cat is not needy in the least and he never disturbs my sleep but he does bite and bring in dead things.

Send her to me

Cats are gonna cat. But I agree with your dh, dogs are much needier! Our dogs still wake us up at silly o clock, have to be walked twice a day and can't be left for more than a couple of hours. Cats are much easier imo, a porch would solve your front door issues

YABU for being persuaded by your DP and not doing your own research, cats are annoying, all pets are a large commitment, make the house harder to keep clean or in good order and cost money on vets Bill's, and I say that as an animal lover who's desperate to have their life taken over by a dog.

Your DP sounds a bit useless and it seems the problem is as much him as the cat. Leaving the door open isn't acceptable and nor is the fact he seems to have wanted a cat and then has left you to be the one responsible for it. Isn't that what usually happens when it's the kids that want the cat and then do nothing . Your time and morning sleep isn't nothing OP. He needs to step up really.

Hopefully the cat will mellow a bit as it ages.

Just seen you can't get a cat flap. In that case shut them in a room with their litter tray, a bed and food overnight. But if there is any way you can get a cat flap put in that would be better.

Don’t get another one. It’s a bit of a myth that cats are better together. Most kittens play together but tend to become indifferent as they grow up, and adult cats aren’t likely to easily accept another into their house.

I think that people do sell the wrong idea of cats, they’re different to dogs in that you don’t need to get up and walk them, but they’re hard work, will destroy your furniture, kill off the local wildlife and bring it home to you in the form of dead (or dying) mice and birds, and they want attention on their terms, that is to say if they don’t want attention they won’t accept it, but if they want attention they won’t take no for an answer either.

I adored my cats. I had my first two for 16 years and was devastated when they died, to the point I rescued another one from Battersea. Sadly she was killed on the road only a few months later and I said then that I would never own another one

Your cat will likely settle down as she gets older. In the mean time I would start saving for that new door with a cat flap!

As others have said it’s living on a main road and not having a cat flap that are your two main problems.
If my cat starts scratching at our door or meowing outside in the night she gets shut in the kitchen (where her food and litter are) until morning.
If you were decorating, and had a cat flap, then you could shut the kitchen door and the cat could choose to be outside or in the kitchen only.

I would not recommend getting another cat. Cats are very territorial and they might just fight all the time. You might get lucky and they'll tolerate each other but I think if you're getting more than one cat it's better to get siblings or cats that already know each other.

About getting a second cat.
We originally intended to get one kitten, but decided to get a second - it was a full litter that had been rescued and the shelter were explaining how cats are happier if they are with other cats.
The big cat (BC) always used to spend the day away from home and the little cat (LC) stayed indoors whenever she could.
BC used to be stressed, licked himself practically bald. We tried everything and just couldn't help him. LC died young of a congenital heart problem, and within a week BC stopped licking, he started hanging around in the house again and slowly turned into the most unstressed lazy house cat ever.
Turns out that it was LC that stressed him.

So personally I would be reluctant to introduce a second cat.