To not want a cat

[UpstairsDownstairsAndInBetween]

We have one already so I am probably BU. She is gorgeous, very sweet. But I don't want a cat. DH said they do their own thing, not like a dog. He lied. It's like having another toddler.

My DC has only recently started sleeping through in their own room and now instead I get woken by the cat at 5.30 every morning instead, meowing to announce that she has done a poo.

It's me that ends up feeding her, cleaning the litter tray, letting her in and out of the house because we don't have a cat flap and installing one would mean replacing the door. DH just leaves the back door open so we all freeze. She's not cheap either, having had 2 vets visits already and she's not even a year old.

The cat is very needy and likes to be with us when she's in the house, doing what cats do... sitting on my laptop when I'm trying to work, swatting my headphone lead, climbing the curtains when we are trying to sleep, ripping the furniture to shreds instead of the scratching pole, stealing my DCs soft toys and ripping them apart (yes she has her own toys but you know how it is, someone else's toys are always much more interesting). I've lost count of how many of my clothes have been snagged by the cat's claws.

I can't go out of the front door unless she's shut in a room in case she runs out of the front (we are on a main road). Having tradespeople in the house is a pain because the bloody cat is always in the way or they leave the front door open. The final straw is I want to redecorate some of the house but can't face the prospect of the cat stepping in the paint tray.

I know it's not the cats fault but AIBU?

Cats are hard work! We have two and whilst they dont wreck everything we have fur to clean up, the litter tray and the constant demands for food from Boy cat.

We had Boy cat first and then adopted Girl cat because we thought he was lonely. They get along okay but do not snuggle or play together. I wouldn't get another if I were you.

Even if it means replacing the door do get a cat flap. I'm desperate to have one again. It will make your life easier.

They are also without question the two most gorgeous little creatures to walk the earth and hold our hearts in their paws!

Cats need attention more than people think. Ours are different to a degree as they are indoor cats, but my last boy was outside for his first few years and still needed his attention, cuddles, play time and needed to sleep with us. Pets are part of the family, they don’t just get over being re-homed in 5 minutes, but at the same time they will bond with a new owner in time. If you do re-home please think of taking them to a shelter so it can be done properly rather than a random.

If DH wanted the cat and persuaded you then he should be stepping up with the cleaning the litter tray etc

And definitely get a cat flap

Don’t get a second one. Generally unrelated cats hate each other, at best they will tolerate the others existence. Of course there are exceptions but that’s the general rule. If you get another and they hate each other you’ll have issues with them marking territory and fighting and that’s going to add a whole lot more stress.

The biggest mistake you got was getting a kitten and not an adult cat. Kittens are essentially children, they have so much energy, it can last for over a year but your cat will calm down. It’s also spring which sends cats a bit crazy. Do you have a laser pointer that you can use to get the energy out? We got some sticky ‘no scratch’ clear tape stuff of Amazon for our couch, it’s worked amazingly. Kittens are a lot of work, cats are much easier.

Don’t get another cat. My two tolerate each other and not much more. Also if you can’t handle one cat’s worth of destructive antics how do you think you can manage two?

Your husband is part of the problem here. He needs to be the one dealing with the litter etc. “Cats do their own thing” is something I’ve heard from people who grew up with a cat but never did any of the cleaning up, litter duty or vet trips. He needs to take some responsibility.

And I would strongly consider getting a new door and cat flap.

Also consider that your cat is still pretty young and it’s likely she will mellow out quite a bit. She sounds completely normal.

As far as I understand this OP isn't thinking about another cat. They don't want the cat they already have?

Get a catio in your back garden.

Overnight the cat gets shut away in another room furthest away from you. Yes there is a training period where they shout to be let out but they learn. Before bed you have a play and give them some sort of treat food. Ours quickly asked to go bed and not a peep out of them.

As they get older they will calm down more.

Given the issues you have with your cat, I don't think you should get another one.

The 5.30am will become 6.30am in two weeks time when the clocks go forward. Cats do not recognise the clock changes in the same way as they do not change on weekends or bank holidays.

It's fine to change your mind about wanting a cat now you see the reality of having one is different to what you expected. It's just an animal, not a child - re-home it if you aren't happy. The cat will get over it in 5 in minutes and you won't have to put up with it for 15 more years

What a disgusting attitude. No the cat won't get over it after 5 minutes. Animals aren't toys to pick up and discard when you feel like it.

As far as the decorating goes, we always put Sparklingcat in the cattery for the duration so she's safe from wet paint/smells etc.

Get a cat flap and put the cat’s bed etc in your kitchen so she can’t wake you.

Can the cat get round to the front (main road) when it goes out the back?

It's no secret cats are arseholes though is it? Just deciding that the reality of cat "ownership" is not what you thought it would be is most definitely not a good enough reason to put a live animal through the stress of rehoming!

Another would stop SOME of the behaviour but cats are boss.
Be thankful you dont have one that can open doors.
Shut cat in kitchen over night to stop being woken up.

I don't know if it's just me misreading but I don't think op is thinking about a second cat, I think she doesn't want the one she's already got!

Oh cross posted with sparklingbrook, not just me then!

Tell your DH that if he wants one he has to take a share of the responsibility of feeding, cleaning the litter tray, letting it in and out etc.

@Tianatiers

YANBU they can be hard work but they do generally get calmer with age. A cat flap is essential though and then at night shut them in the room which has the cat flap in, their food and a little bed. Our cat would wake us up early if we didn't do this. We adopted an older cat so they were past the kitten stage and that was the best thing, I don't think I have the patience for a kitten.

Do they? Mines 7 and is getting worse.

I wouldn't OP. I'd rather grate my face off than add another one.

The problem is with housecats you really have to put the time in to keep them happy, especially when they're young. It's proper effort on your part with playing until they are knackered.

Yabu. Most adult cats arent like this imho, it may just be that yours is still quite young.

Mine waits downstairs by her food bowl each morning, she won't come meowing at us. Maybe you need to leave some dry food for yours overnight and make sure she can easily access her litter tray at night?

In time you will get used to which doors need to be open/closed to manage the cat's movement around the house/in & outdoors, it will just be habitual.

If you make sure you are giving her some quality time grooming & playing with her in the evenings and plenty of freedom to roam outdoors she shouldn't be bothering you constantly.

Mine is just sat with me while I work.

Get a cat flap. As a PP says ours goes out for hours, gets tired then comes home and mostly sleeps for hours. You need a cat flap. I wouldn’t consider having a cat without one tbh.

I appreciate the main road is a worry, but sounds like you’re letting her out anyway, so you may as well have a cat flap.

Also, shut her in the kitchen at night.

YANBU because cats are awful antisocial creatures and they smell.

However, why on earth are you allowing a cat to wake you at 5.30am? Shut it out.

Why are you doing all of the work? Your DH can clean out the litter tray. Tell him.

Your DH just leaves the door open in a busy area with young children in the house? Is that because he's too lazy to stand up twice? That doesn't sound particularly wise or thoughtful.

Oh and get a cat flap. Replace the door if necessary.

YABU.