To not want a cat

[UpstairsDownstairsAndInBetween]

We have one already so I am probably BU. She is gorgeous, very sweet. But I don't want a cat. DH said they do their own thing, not like a dog. He lied. It's like having another toddler.

My DC has only recently started sleeping through in their own room and now instead I get woken by the cat at 5.30 every morning instead, meowing to announce that she has done a poo.

It's me that ends up feeding her, cleaning the litter tray, letting her in and out of the house because we don't have a cat flap and installing one would mean replacing the door. DH just leaves the back door open so we all freeze. She's not cheap either, having had 2 vets visits already and she's not even a year old.

The cat is very needy and likes to be with us when she's in the house, doing what cats do... sitting on my laptop when I'm trying to work, swatting my headphone lead, climbing the curtains when we are trying to sleep, ripping the furniture to shreds instead of the scratching pole, stealing my DCs soft toys and ripping them apart (yes she has her own toys but you know how it is, someone else's toys are always much more interesting). I've lost count of how many of my clothes have been snagged by the cat's claws.

I can't go out of the front door unless she's shut in a room in case she runs out of the front (we are on a main road). Having tradespeople in the house is a pain because the bloody cat is always in the way or they leave the front door open. The final straw is I want to redecorate some of the house but can't face the prospect of the cat stepping in the paint tray.

I know it's not the cats fault but AIBU?

Maybe don't get another, they might not get on and then it will be even more difficult. 2 together works best if from the same litter. DH needs to pull his weight with cat care (we take it in turns in our house!). We manage without a cat flap but our cats are used to not going out much, so if your cat goes out daily it is probably worth the investment

Why can’t a cat flap be fitted? I want one done and I thought they could fit them into pretty much any kind of doors now including double glazed doors.

Yes, i grew up with cats and always thought I was a cat person.
Until I got one of my own...

We have a dog too, who is absolutely angelic and no trouble whatsoever.
People say cats are easier than dogs but tbh, I think that’s utter bollocks.
Most dogs are so keen to please you they are relatively easily trained to behave.
Cats don’t give a shit.

We ended up rehoming our cat, she was a sweet, lovely little thing but we couldn’t handle the destruction she caused.
She absolutely ruined our house.
Destroyed many clothes too.
And yes, we barely slept due to her either running round jumping on and off stuff or scratching our bed wanting to go out or scratching the door and crying to come back in.

I don’t think I would ever have another cat and DH would definately never have another cat, despite insisting he was more of a cat person than dog person when we met.

Set some boundaries! We shut our cats in the kitchen at night, otherwise tthey would wake us up at 5am. But in the kitchen they are no trouble and we go and give them their breakfast when we are ready.

Also, you have to shut them out when you are trying to work, otherwise they do walk all over your keyboard.

@DavidsSchitt

"You are obviously a huge cat lover and expert..."

You are obviously sarcastic and correct on your second observation

Tell us more about your cat knowledge. Maybe make some helpful suggestions for the OP?

"Maybe make some helpful suggestions for the OP?"

I already have

@DavidsSchitt

"Some cats are antisocial and some cats smell."

Unless you keep it indoors all of the time and therefore prevent it going onto other people's property then its antisocial.

I've never been in a house that has cats that doesn't smell, litter trays smell, cat fur smells. The owners can't smell it always but believe me, it smells.

I don’t have cats but have family and friends that do and their cats or homes don’t smell at all. May just be the people you know and their cleaning habits.

[quote Sparklingbrook]@mollypuss1 that was in reply to the suggestion another poster made to get another cat, in the OP they are talking about the existing cat only.

OP if you are still about if you repost in Litter Tray topic you'll get some helpful suggestions.[/quote]
Maybe so, but the OP wasn’t clear and that response cast even more doubt. I originally thought she was talking about the existing cat, then, from her response, about getting another cat so I can understand why posters are taking it either way. My point was that the poster shouting as if everyone who misunderstood was stupid was out of order. But like I said afterwards, some cats are lovely and some are pricks, just like people.

I adore my cats, we've a large maine coone who lives indoors and 5 others who live outdoors. My indoor cat loves to pee in a bag, a laundry basket or a sink.He once peed on my ipad and phone in a bag and that was the end of them.He peed on a hugely expensive dslr and destroyed it and the lens, a few days of an electronic item sitting in cat urine isn't good. He has wrecked my wallpaper and furniture but we love him.You're not feeling the love so you need to think through would rehoming be a better option for the cat and remember they're the priority.

@DavidsSchitt

"Maybe make some helpful suggestions for the OP?"

I already have

Cats smell and are antisocial. Top tips right there.

Is she a certain breed? Also is she neutered? My cat is literally like having a baby but a lot of the screaming at night/peeing on blankets went away after she was neutered.

Have you tried Feliway for the scratching furniture etc?

We got a rescue cat about five years ago. She was about 2 years old at the time and had given birth in a shed, bad physical condition, very timid. She took to scratching furniture and pulling up the stair carpet. We'd have to put books outside the bedroom doors as she'd try to pull the carpet up there - trying to get in. We had to stop her coming in the bedrooms in the first place as she'd claw the carpet or fabric around the bed at night (not an easy sleep!)

So I got a plug in Feliway and sprayed anywhere we didn't want her to claw (like the sofa or the stair carpet) after washing it to remove her scent - that's what the instructions say.

Within a month the scratching had stopped - she only used her scratching posts (we put one downstairs and one upstairs to she didn't have to think). They were never sprayed with Feliway.

Five years in and there's not a scratch mark on any furniture. The sofa looks good and the carpets haven't been touched.

Worth a try. It saved my sanity for a few quid.

We've not got a cat flap either by the way and won't get one. Our cat is still a hunter (she survived like that in the wild). She doesn't seem to hunt for sport - eats whatever she's caught - but she will bring the dead back to her home. We learned very early on that having a cat flap with her would turn our house into a mortuary so we control her access to the house. One of us is home most days anyway and she has shelter and water outside, litter tray and a cool room inside so she's safe.

A friend lives on a main road but trained the cat to fear cars. When they started their car they would rev the engine loudly and honk the horn if the cat was near. Cat now runs and hides when car starts and does not go near the road. Has plenty of garden space to freely roam in, front and rear.

We don't have a cat flap into the house, but Sparklingcat has one into the garage where there's a cosy bed and some dried food/water and a litter tray if she gets stuck outside when we are out. Would that be an option? or into a shed or something?

We introduced a late night feed to try and reduce the morning food begging. And she was shut away from bedrooms overnight. Also no pandering. She gets fed on schedule, or when I need to bribe her, then she gets a few bits of kibble from the next feed. I do think she's partly learnt she won't get extra. Most food begging now is only when dinner time is approaching.

Cats need a lot of attention, and are in many ways like dogs.

Some cats can be very, very vocal.
Oriental breeds crave human company, Mum's Burmese went into a decline if she ever went away, despite other family members cat sitting.

My brother's Burmese fetch and carry like little dogs.
One sits on his shoulder as he works.

Cats need routine flea treatment, worming and litter tray expenses, {some cats can be trained to poo in the human toilet which is amazing...Look on you tube for how to train them}.

Sparklingcat has a supply of dried food at all times. She's pretty good at self regulating though.

@oakleaffy

Cats need a lot of attention, and are in many ways like dogs.

Some cats can be very, very vocal.
Oriental breeds crave human company, Mum's Burmese went into a decline if she ever went away, despite other family members cat sitting.

My brother's Burmese fetch and carry like little dogs.
One sits on his shoulder as he works.

Cats need routine flea treatment, worming and litter tray expenses, {some cats can be trained to poo in the human toilet which is amazing...Look on you tube for how to train them}.

I've seen those videos. I would love mine to use the loo, I think it's a bit late for current cat but with a future cat I'd love to try it.

Obviously another cat would be nuts but the issues you have do sound very sortable. Sort the door/catflap situation, it won't be more expensive than another cat plus vet bills, DH needs to pull his weight, and you need to find some way of containing cat safely at night. Ours have only ever had access to kitchen, utility, outdoors and a DIY cat shed at night.

Then, don't get another cat. We took a pair, probably mother and daughter, as the RSPCA likes them to have a "friend" but loads of vets have told us that stress from sharing their space is likely to be part of their problems. Since one of them died (age 15) the other has been happy and chilled.

@toomuchtooold
I can confirm that we were sold that lie before having DC2.
I can also confirm that it has not worked so far.

I can't have a cat flap, (HA house), feliway did precisely nothing other than drain my bank account of more cat related money, but the difference is I adore my 3.
They are easier than dogs but no pet is easy if you don't really want it.
Mine are an utter pain they really are but they are also very adorable and loving too.
I'm on my own so they are my company and they get me through the day.

*How does it solve the problem of OP’s DH never feeding her or changing the litter tray?

Plus OP says a cat flap would mean a new door.*

I missed one problem, didn't spot this was AIBU and I can't get away with being human or I wouldn't have posted. The cat flap would solve the litter tray issue as most cats prefer to go outside than in a litter tray.

I realise the OP said a cat flap would mean a new door, that doesn't change the fact that a cat flap is a good idea. She has not said it's unaffordable, it just sounds like she doesn't want to go to the effort or expense. This is fine but you either give an animal what they need or you accept their behaviour won't be ideal.

The issue of DH never feeding the cat is a not a cat issue. Either it's the only way he doesn't pull his weight in which case feeding a cat is no hardship once all the other issues are resolved or he does this with a lot of aspects of their lives in which case he's a lazy sod and that's the issue not the cat.

I had a lovely cat for years then stupidly thought i would get another cat for company. Absolute disaster! She hated the new kitten and refused to have anything to do with him. Everytime he went near her she attacked him. He grew up to be really aggressive and began to attack people walking past him. A few years later they finally settled into a routine of peacefully ignoring each other.
Personally speaking i would get two together as kittens but never again bring another in when one cat has already been there some time

@Bettysnow

Completely agree! I made the mistake of getting a second a year after my first and 2 years later they tolerate each other but it has not been a great experience getting there! I don't think it's worth the risk unless you have a lot of space and patience so would not recommend generally.

That said, I love both my cats and wouldn't change them for the world now but I'll never get two separately again, only a pair that already get on together.