My new neighbour is a convicted murderer

[murdernextdoor]

Have recently found out from another neighbour further up the street that my new next door neighbour has spent 4 years in prison for man slaughter of another man. I was sceptical so I googled his name. I saw all the newspaper articles about him. He had a fight and killed another man.
Don't know the reasons for the fight but I can't help but wonder if it was one of those cases of a one punch kill. Or maybe he stamped his head?

I am horrified that this man lives next to me. I now don't want my children to mix with his children anymore. I know some will say he's done his time, but imagine if it was your son he killed? It makes me sick to my stomach.

Should someone have notified us in some way about him moving there? Or maybe not as he's done his time and isn't a sex offender.

AIBU or would you be horrified as well? AIBU to tell my children to stay away from the house altogether. (I know it's covid now but I'm thinking in the future)

One of the nicest men I know did time for manslaughter. He made a very, very bad and stupid mistake when he was younger. He genuinely has a heart of gold.
Don't freak yourself out, it's not going to change anything unless you're going to move away. It's not like he has form for randomly murdering children in the street!

@Gooseygoosey12345 unfortunately, that seems to be exactly what some posters think is going to happen at the drop of a hat. Madness.

OP I really understand your concern and I think many of the posters on this thread are trying to outdo each other in their coolness - I bet they wouldn't be so cool if a murderer moved next door to them.

I know his conviction was manslaughter, but he killed a man. Murder verdicts are hard to convict so it is often manslaughter - men who murder their wives are frequently found guilty of manslaughter. They are still murderers.

Personally I would keep my distance and yes, I would discourage my children from mixing with his children, Not to punish his children but because I would not want to get pulled into a neighbourly relationship with him thorugh the children. Keep cool, keep your distance and make sure your children know he is potentially not safe to be around. Take care

I don’t think anyone has said it’s “cool”.

This killer is getting an easier time on here than an adulterer normally would.

No one has said it’s cool

But there is certainly a competitive side to how unbothered they would apparently be in the op’s situation

Which is utter bollocks

Ha, and now it's "madness" - actual insanity, people - to be worried about your children's safety in the presence of a convicted killer. Yeah, totally the sign of a deranged mind, that is.

Yesterday 21:56 DrSbaitso

This killer is getting an easier time on here than an adulterer normally would.“

Having known the victim of a one punch manslaughter, I suppose the difference is that people can’t commit adultery unintentionally.

I’m not condoning punching people at all but I do understand that not everyone who does punch is intending to kill.

Yanbu. I would keep my distance and also keep my dc away from
Him and his family.

YANBU I wouldn't be happy and would keep well away from him

@DenisetheMenace

Yesterday 21:56 DrSbaitso

This killer is getting an easier time on here than an adulterer normally would.“

Having known the victim of a one punch manslaughter, I suppose the difference is that people can’t commit adultery unintentionally.

I’m not condoning punching people at all but I do understand that not everyone who does punch is intending to kill.

Adultery happens over strong feelings, usually, and generally a desire to make oneself feel good rather than a desire to harm another person. Not intending to kill is a bit of a low baseline for human decency.

We have no idea if this was an accidental one punch kill. Most killings in fights are not. I don't know why people are so keen to believe it must have been so here.

Still, better someone who wants to punch than someone who wants to have sex....?

Do you think the man will have somehow 'infected' his children with violence? You have no reason to think that.

The man is no different to how he was before you found out. He has to live with what happened and has presumably done his time. He isn't a serial killer.

It is heartbreaking to see children judged here for their fathers crimes. Can you imagine how it feels for them? They know. They will grow up knowing they are being judged.

It's absolutely shameful to judge children in this way - please don't OP.

I wonder how the op found out, presuming the man is not 'famous' for his crime. Neighbours gossiping?

OP, make sure you do not pass on this information to anyone else, if you haven't already.

@DenisetheMenace

Yesterday 21:56 DrSbaitso

This killer is getting an easier time on here than an adulterer normally would.“

Having known the victim of a one punch manslaughter, I suppose the difference is that people can’t commit adultery unintentionally.

I’m not condoning punching people at all but I do understand that not everyone who does punch is intending to kill.

Exactly.

@jessstan2

I wonder how the op found out, presuming the man is not 'famous' for his crime. Neighbours gossiping?

OP, make sure you do not pass on this information to anyone else, if you haven't already.

It's all in OP's posts how she found out.

Yes, I just re-read and see it was a neighbour who told her and then she pored over newspaper cuttings.

I do hope this doesn't become common knowledge, presumably the man served a sentence for his crime and no doubt regrets getting in to that fight from the bottom of his heart.

My father-in-law was convicted of manslaughter about 40-50 years ago. It was a single punch in a pub fight. He served his time. It was decades before I knew him. My husband told me about it within the first year of our relationship because his dad wanted me to know. You would never meet a calmer, gentler man in your life. I’ve not had a second’s concern about him. I have never seen him lose his temper, or even get slightly agitated. He has spent time with all his grandkids and I wouldn’t hesitate in leaving him to look after them on his own.
I say this because you cannot pigeonhole all people who have been convicted of manslaughter.
However, OP talks about the man in her post possibly having ongoing anger issues, which I think is more concerning.

YANBU
Haven’t read all the pages in the thread but have read the OPs posts. People here are not understanding the sectarianism aspect.
Keep your distance and keep your kids away from inside their house. They can play outside with their friends as normal but they shouldn’t be in and out of the houses up and down the street. This is safer for everyone anyway - why have your kids wandering at random into neighboring houses with other adults there anyway? That’s almost asking for trouble.

Headnorth: I bet they wouldn't be so cool if a murderer moved next door to them.
.........
I wouldn't know. I know my neighbours either side who, like me, have lived here for donkeys' years but no others. Anyone could move in further up or down the road or opposite. Nothing to do with being 'cool'.

My question to the op is, how did she feel about the man before she received this information. I daresay she was pretty indifferent to him.

As for the neighbour who gave the information saying he is nasty and known to be violent, that is hearsay.

I'd just treat him as I would anyone else and not spread information about his past around.

Of course you feel differently about someone once you find out they're a convicted killer. What on earth does that prove? That you weren't frightened of someone until you found out you should be? Being unaware of a risk doesn't mean it isn't there.

Aren't killers often described as coming over well in everyday life? For actual murderers, that's frequently how they get away with it, or manage it. Someone on the famous villains thread says Harold Shipman seemed very nice. Yes, I know he was a serial murderer and not a "one off" manslaughterer, but the point is, you can't rely on someone "seeming nice" when you know better.

How many women on here are in relationships with abusive arseholes who come over as wonderful to the outside world?

And so, so many wonderful, lovely, kind, gentle men who just happened to kill someone totally accidentally with one punch. Always one punch. They're everywhere. Gosh. Fancy that.

There is something going on here. This is weird. In a site where it's practically a requirement to have depression and anxiety (guilty as charged), where people won't answer the door or sit on a public toilet seat, where affairs are absolute evil with no possible extenuating circumstances, there is something frankly bloody weird about the number of posters insisting they would have NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER living next door to a guy with this history. It absolutely wouldn't change their feelings at all, they'd be so relaxed about it. No. Absolute rubbish.

We've got people judging harder for having an affair and "gossiping" than unlawfully killing a man outside a pub. Christ on a bike.

In a criminal sense Murder is entirely different to Manslaughter.

The terrifying thing is anyone of us could find ourselves on a manslaughter charge, because. Anyone of us even the most meek could become involved in a physical altercation. That's not to say in don't understand your concern, though, and Yes if I'm honest in don't suppose I'd be thrilled with him living next me.
I dont think you should be holding it against his kids though. Its hardly their fault, is it

It would have been better had the op not found out about this man's past. I'm presuming he is not dangerous, would not harm her or her children or anyone else's children.

@jessstan2

It would have been better had the op not found out about this man's past. I'm presuming he is not dangerous, would not harm her or her children or anyone else's children.

Better for whom?