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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my partner overcharging my mum for work he has done?

568 replies

Lleeaahh1992 · 14/03/2021 19:33

My mums house was in a state of disrepair and needed plastering painting and lots of old furniture getting rid of her house hadnt had anything done to it for 25 years. My mum isnt in the best of health and is also a carer for my dad who is bed bound.

My partner offered to do the painting and get his dad to help him as his dad is a retired plasterer and painter. My partner isnt a painter but is pretty good at it, but he cant plaster thats why he was getting his dad to help. Anyway it turned out the housing association done the plastering so she only needed some things polyfilling and the house painting. He said he would get his dad anyway as it would be quicker that way.

It was agreed they would be paid £10 per hour each, he said they would probaly be working 10 hour days but if it varied they would only charge for the hours worked.

Anyway my mum waited two months for my partner to start as he kept putting it off but finally started last week and has just finished. The thing thats bothering me is most of the days he has worked, he has finished at a half hour or less so e.g 7.5 hours, 6.5 hours and so on and his dad only worked 3 days out of the 7. He has now said any day that he finished part way through the hour even by 10 minutes he is charging the full hour because thats how it works he says. So altogether he is charging for 6 lots of half hours that he didnt work, and 3 lots of half hours for his dad that his dad didn't work. And he is charging 39 pound for his dads travel for the 3 days he worked. So altogether it is £84 added onto the bill. Im not happy about this because he agreed with my mum he would only charge what they worked and said nothing about travel for his dad .

When iv broached it with him he has told me to keep out of it as he is the one sorting it out and he done some bits an bobs for free a few months ago like dismantling and removing furniture because my mum was struggling. Shall i stand my ground and say this is unfair and was not agreed to or just leave him to it?

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 15/03/2021 10:28

He's little more than a thief. The sort of cowboy that rips old ladies off with extra charges for travel etc. Work out what you think he owes. Pay him. Dump him.

How can you trust this man? He's scum.

And he's not a painter or similar, probably knows little about the trade and shouldn't be comparing himself.

Jaxhog · 15/03/2021 10:28

YANBU. So he's intent on ripping your DM off!

This would be a relationship killer for me.

YoniAndGuy · 15/03/2021 10:30

What a horrible greedy little fucker!

And getting his dad on board so he could stick his nose in the trough as well - omg.

Tell your mum that you're going to be dealing with this as there have been a few issues with things. Ask her for £700, pass it to your partner then tell him if he wants more, it's going to be coming from you and he can wait until you've saved up from your joint funds.

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 10:35

I have no idea why some posters keep insisting it’s unrealistic for family to do work for free when so many of us are stating unequivocally that we do it.

Like I said, some of you are unfortunate in your friends and relatives. And some of you are married to the greedy fuckers! 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

Nenevalleykayaker · 15/03/2021 10:42

@KaptainKaveman I’m with you on this. £1400 is a little bit over the top for painting 3 bedrooms, 2 hallways and glossing the skirt boards, £500 for family rates is probably better, but rounding to the hour and including travel expenses isn't unusual for tradesmen. They just don’t itemise the materials cost and diesel on their invoice to you!

Those of you doing free work for family and friends are theoretically commendable, but whilst you’re letting your relative do the work for free, they are losing out a big chunk of income (which supports their family), so you really ought to offer something to them, otherwise you’re a bit of a mickeytaker yourself.

Unless you’re bartering a trade, goods or service in exchange of course.

Peppafrig · 15/03/2021 10:55

@OhCaptain

I have no idea why some posters keep insisting it’s unrealistic for family to do work for free when so many of us are stating unequivocally that we do it.

Like I said, some of you are unfortunate in your friends and relatives. And some of you are married to the greedy fuckers! 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok so my DHs friend phones him up and ask him to do a job for him lasting a week. It has to be during the day as on a site that can’t allows heavy machinery after a certain time . Going by your logic and all work is free for family my DH should just cut his losses and the kids won’t eat . After all if he gets paid for it he a greedy fucker and a scab .
PerveenMistry · 15/03/2021 10:57

@Jaxhog

YANBU. So he's intent on ripping your DM off!

This would be a relationship killer for me.

Yes. I couldn't stay with a greedy grifter.

FuckyouCovid21 · 15/03/2021 11:03

I think the main issue here is the guy is trying to make a profit off a partners mum who lives in HA accommodation so probably not particularly flush with money and has a sick/disabled, bed bound husband.

That is pretty low

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:13

Well no, @Peppafrig because that’s not the same.

Do you really not get that or are you wilfully misunderstanding to be contrary? I honestly can’t tell.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:27

@OhCaptain actually if you were my relative i would consider myself unfortunate to have a relative take the piss and expect my dh to work for free and loose out on money or all his weekends with his kids
An odd job here and there , but really after leaving house at 7 am and doing a Manual job from 8-5 pm he wouldn't want to spend weeks working evenings as pretty tiring and he works mon- sat so really wants a sun with his kids
So not one of my friends or relatives would expect him to work for free in his little free time or take time off work.
Like I say odd job here and there but not hrs worth regularly

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:28

@OhCaptain also
What is yours and your dh trade that you work for all family and friends for free

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:29

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@OhCaptain actually if you were my relative i would consider myself unfortunate to have a relative take the piss and expect my dh to work for free and loose out on money or all his weekends with his kids
An odd job here and there , but really after leaving house at 7 am and doing a Manual job from 8-5 pm he wouldn't want to spend weeks working evenings as pretty tiring and he works mon- sat so really wants a sun with his kids
So not one of my friends or relatives would expect him to work for free in his little free time or take time off work.
Like I say odd job here and there but not hrs worth regularly [/quote]
Where did OP say this was a regular thing? It’s one job over a couple of weeks.

My DH loves spending time with his children too, obviously. But it hasn’t damaged their relationship beyond repair for him to spend a few weeks/weekends helping a family member.

Different strokes for different folks, huh? I’m glad he’s teaching our children the benefit of kindness and good deeds.

Not everyone has the same priorities...

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:31

@Peppafrig i think ocaptain lives in a different world to the rest of us , probably her so called friends think they take the piss
Its very different if you swap trades, like my dh may do something for his mate who is a plumber then the plumber does some wo for us
Short simple jobs he will do for close family for free as well , but a weeks worth none if is friends or family would allow it and they aren't pisstakers
The issue here is the OP is trying to charge for more than he has actually even done , hrs not worked

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:33

@OhCaptain but you have no idea if this is a one off for helping family
You of gone from saying we do all jobs for free to oh its only been occasional, the rest of us have been responding to never charging any family member ever and doing it multiple times

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:33

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@Peppafrig i think ocaptain lives in a different world to the rest of us , probably her so called friends think they take the piss
Its very different if you swap trades, like my dh may do something for his mate who is a plumber then the plumber does some wo for us
Short simple jobs he will do for close family for free as well , but a weeks worth none if is friends or family would allow it and they aren't pisstakers
The issue here is the OP is trying to charge for more than he has actually even done , hrs not worked[/quote]
😂😂😂 ooh you’re starting to get very personal! Why though?!

I haven’t actually given examples of friends doing jobs, only family. So my “so-called” friends aren’t suffering any negative effects from being friends with me, don’t worry.

ClarkeGriffin · 15/03/2021 11:33

Tradespeople shouldn't be working for free on big jobs like this for family. I don't agree with that at all. It's a big bit of work that requires payment. I don't expect to pay nothing if I ask a relative to rewire my house or do a full repaint of it.

But what this guy is doing is a rip off completely. He gets paid his hours, materials and that's it. Not travel expenses and hours not worked.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:33

@OhCaptain its about 80 hrs of work so more than an odd weekend or eveninb

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:36

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@OhCaptain but you have no idea if this is a one off for helping family
You of gone from saying we do all jobs for free to oh its only been occasional, the rest of us have been responding to never charging any family member ever and doing it multiple times
[/quote]
What on earth are you on about? OP has posted about this particular job. If you’ve decided to discuss someone needing never-ending work that’s on you.

Personally, I’ve never heard of never ending plumbing, or electrical work, or building work. It all comes to an end at some point.

I haven’t gone from saying every job is free to it’s occasional. They’re not mutually exclusive.

When jobs that need doing crop up, they’re done for free. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why you have such a huge problem with that.

I can’t help that my family do favours for each other any more than you can help that yours don’t!

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:36

@OhCaptain
Like I said, some of you are unfortunate in your friends and relatives. And some of you are married to the greedy fuckers! 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️
Your post , you mentioned friends and you got personal first so get of the high horse

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:37

Because the post right above mine said greedy fucker so mine was a tongue-in-cheek response to that?

You’re really clutching at straws here...

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:39

@OhCaptain the op has no problem with her partner charging its the fact he is overcharging
So wether your family do for free is irrelevant really , she asked is he wrong for charging hrs nor worked
What your great family do is irrelevant and doesn't give you a right to call others greedy fuckers , expecting work for free is also entitled so you would expect a family member to do a weeks worth of work for not a single penny and who is selfish

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 11:43

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@OhCaptain the op has no problem with her partner charging its the fact he is overcharging
So wether your family do for free is irrelevant really , she asked is he wrong for charging hrs nor worked
What your great family do is irrelevant and doesn't give you a right to call others greedy fuckers , expecting work for free is also entitled so you would expect a family member to do a weeks worth of work for not a single penny and who is selfish [/quote]
Sigh.

Do I have to copy and paste all of my posts to get you to actually read them? I said my mam offers money and I said DH wouldn’t take it.

All of us have offered money. None of us take it.

I don’t remember OP posting that she has no problem with him charging. Perhaps she did.

But many posters, not just me, have said that he’s out of order because many posters, not just me have said that our partners wouldn’t charge anything.

My posts are as relevant as yours about your mum charging you for cleaning etc. They are tangent to the original post but paint an overall picture.

You really need to calm yourself. I’m not sure why you’re so bothered by me and what my family does. It’s bordering on obsessive.

Exhausted4ever · 15/03/2021 11:45

Sorry what?! Firstly since when do you charge family for help that you give them? Secondly he's properly taking the piss and you are letting him. Your poor mother.
I couldn't stomach being with a man whose not only OK to rip of an elderly person but his own mother in law. His arse would be getting booted to the curb

Exhausted4ever · 15/03/2021 11:47

@ClarkeGriffin

Tradespeople shouldn't be working for free on big jobs like this for family. I don't agree with that at all. It's a big bit of work that requires payment. I don't expect to pay nothing if I ask a relative to rewire my house or do a full repaint of it.

But what this guy is doing is a rip off completely. He gets paid his hours, materials and that's it. Not travel expenses and hours not worked.

But he's not a tradesperson he's just a regular person who is doing a bit of painting for a family member
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/03/2021 11:50

@OhCaptain maybe because you called us greedy fuckers and yes the op knew he was charging as was discussed before and many on here said they would pay for a large job even to family as we have no idea if the op partner has taken time of work
Some on here seem to think that you should not ever charge a family member even for a large amount of work and as a tradesmen
Some though mostly not tradesmen say they would do it for free
Im sure most if us would do the odd bit here and there but a large job many wouldn't and as I am married to a tradesmen have multiple family members as tradesmen i know they can't afford to work for all family for free ,as they have bills to pay
Small little one off jobs yes , large jobs generally chargeable although at a more favourable rate