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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just found cannabis plants in BF's cupbard.

120 replies

7catsandcounting · 13/03/2021 19:56

I need your advice. I've just found a black tent thing with four cannabis plants (two/three feet high) in it and a lamp and fans in my boyfriend's storeroom. Hidden behind empty boxes. It stinks. I said it stunk in the bathroom and he blamed it on the neighbour. I said it couldn't be someone smoking because the smell was permenant. He said he reckoned the neighbour was growing it. We had a full-on conversation about it! I was just having a bath and it dawned on me that he was lying. So, I went and looked. He says it's just for himself. It seems like a lot to me. How much would that be worth? Is he probably selling it? I'm really upset. I feel so naïve and stupid. He'd promised he'd given it up. I knew he smoked years ago, but je promised he'dfinished. He's trying to qualify as a teacher. I can't go home because of curfew (not in UK). My DD is with me.
It's the lying I'm so cross about. And I've spent all day cleaning and sorting his fucking flat, feeling sorry for him because he gets down. I've made it all really nice for him. I can't even describe how bad it was. Been at it 10 hours. He doesn't have the energy to sort his fucking appartement out. He's off sick from teaching. He's off for the rest of the year! But he's not so sick he can't set up a fucking farm in his cupboard. It stinks! He said he'll get rid of it all and won't talk about it. He says I'm overreacting.
This is the first time we've ever stayed at his flat. Well, this flat. I want to go home, but I'll be fined for being out. I also had a gin and can't drive.
I want to read him the riot act, but can't in front of my DD. I'm just staying quiet on my phone.
DD (mine) has had a lovely party evening. He made pizza and cake. She has no idea. I want to cry and cry.

OP posts:
7catsandcounting · 13/03/2021 19:57

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs. I'm stressed.

OP posts:
Chanjer · 13/03/2021 19:59

That's a pretty unambitious grow commercially and a perfectly reasonable grow for personal use

However the lying is well off

Iflyaway · 13/03/2021 20:05

Yea, the lying is well off. Red flag.

However, you say you don't live in UK. I live in a country where you can have 5 plants for personal use.
If it stinks out the house, I would not be pleased at all.

Why the fuck are you spending 10 hours cleaning his house?!
Madness.

nimbuscloud · 13/03/2021 20:07

I’d leave as soon as you can and don’t go back.

FelicityBeedle · 13/03/2021 20:10

That’s personal use level. He probably didn’t tell you since he guessed you would over react

Countrygirl2021 · 13/03/2021 20:13

Do you want to bring a child up around a drug user?

wusbanker · 13/03/2021 20:19

I think you sound a bit precious if you seriously think you can't leave as you'll get fined.

It sounds like it's for personal use and he didn't want the agg over nothing.

rosiejaune · 13/03/2021 20:24

@Countrygirl2021

Do you want to bring a child up around a drug user?
Almost all adults are drug users. Cannabis does far less social harm than alcohol or tobacco (maybe even less than coffee and chocolate, depending on the details).
7catsandcounting · 13/03/2021 20:28

@wusbanker There's a 6 pm curfew here. You have to have a certificate to be out of your house. I'd have to take the motorway to get home. I would get a fine.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 13/03/2021 20:28

define 'social harm' - it's pretty harmful to teenagers mental health, to teens targeted by gangs to be part of the supply chain and to trafficked slaves forced to grow it in safe houses for criminals

OP just go home in the morning

LoudNowSing · 13/03/2021 20:44

You're in France? An awful lot of people I know in France smoke. I don't, but I don't think it's much worse than people using alcohol tbh.
Four plants is personal use only. Better that than he gets it from someone dodgy, imo.
However, if it's a red line for you, fair enough. You do seem to be overreacting, however. Just chill out this evening, go home tomorrow and the break it off with him. Job done.
And don't be cleaning men's houses for them, FFS.

RabbityMcRabbit · 13/03/2021 20:52

It's not the cannabis issue that would set alarm bells ringing, but the fact that he felt he needed to lie to you. I'd be having a conversation about that tbh. I also wouldn't have cleaned his flat for him...

redorderlig · 13/03/2021 20:53

Ltb.

emilyfrost · 13/03/2021 21:17

YANBU. He’s nothing but a lowlife drug user; you can never trust him and he’s irresponsible. He’ll never amount to anything.

mineofuselessinformation · 13/03/2021 21:26

'He didn't tell you because you would overreact.'
'Almost all adult use drugs'.

WTF?
I don't know who these people are (and I'm glad not to, frankly).
NO, this is not right, or normal.
Destroy the plants. (Take the tops off and pour boiling water on them if you can't think of anything else.)
Tell him to get out.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 13/03/2021 21:27

Ok deep breath. You and your DD will be ok for one night. Can you to and sleep with her? It doesn't sound like there is enough to deal. But

  • he is depressed and off sick
  • you have done a lot for him because of this
  • he lied to you, repeatedly, and only told the truth when confronted with irrefutable evidence
  • he doesn't want to discuss it further

This would all bother me more more than the weed use to be honest

FangsForTheMemory · 13/03/2021 21:28

@rosiejaune I've never used a drug other than alcohol in my life. Where did you get the idea that almost all adults are drug users from?

Chanjer · 13/03/2021 21:29

How is op overreacting?

I smoke weed and understand that not everyone likes it and some people feel pretty strongly about it. I don't consider others opinions on it affronting

notmethenwho · 13/03/2021 21:30

Destroy the plants. (Take the tops off and pour boiling water on them if you can't think of anything else.)

Good lord

Tell him to get out.

She's at his flat Confused

activitythree · 13/03/2021 21:32

Almost all adults are drug users.

Confused
mineofuselessinformation · 13/03/2021 21:43

@notmethenwho, ok, I read that wrong, so OP should leave.
What's your point beside that???

Twofurrycatsagain · 13/03/2021 21:45

I'd be annoyed that he lied.
But other than that 4 plants is personal use. I couldn't get excited about that.
And stop cleaning

RandomMess · 13/03/2021 21:50

I've never smoked a nicotine cigarette let alone weed Confused

A depressed person smoking a known depressant that's going to go well!

OwlBeThere · 13/03/2021 22:02

@FangsForTheMemory you just said it. You drink alcohol. That’s a drug. A very very harmful drug that ruins thousands of lives. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s not a drug.

notmethenwho · 13/03/2021 22:02

@mineofuselessinformation my (not very well made) point would be that destroying his plants, which are for personal use, is a rather extreme reaction. We shouldn't destroy anyone's things in temper. OP is not in Uk it's very possible that those plants are completely legal.
I certainly wouldn't like it if someone came in my house and took umbrage at my gin collection so took it upon themselves to tip it down the sink.

OP, of course he shouldn't have lied and maybe this is a sign that you two just aren't compatible

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