Just that really. I am I being precious about the following or can you think of a way to get out of my mindset....
Last year, it was my first mother's day with the child DP and I have together. Our relationship was not in a good place, at his doing. He didn't get me anything, my own mother got a little card for me from the baby as it was my first mother's days to her, and although I didn't say anything, it upset me even more because it brought home that the only thing was from my own mother on a day that (when a child is too young to do anything themselves) is imho for DP to make you feel a little appreciated for everything you do as a mum.
Last valentine's, he got me nothing as well. This year, I told him I'd got him a card and a little something, and he went into this big "oh I'm not sure you'll like what I've got" episode. He's done this before when he hasn't actually got me anything at all, so I suspected the same, but thought, just wait and see. So valentine's, I woke up already quite dejected because of what I was predicting. It came and went, and I just got sadder throughout the day as my card to him sat unopened, with the card from him, as I was waiting for a "happy valentine's" and to have my first ever gift. He said afterwards that he had got me something I really wanted but I was so sad all day it was impossible to give to me, and he can't give it too me now because of the negative feeling he will associate with it. I sort of get that, but after him always getting me nothing, I was waiting for him to make the first move and it wasn't rocket science for him to see that. I know that may sound childish, but it hurts to keep being the one who always gives thoughtful things and not receive anything back, especially when I did so at times when he was being a terrible partner.
So, it's mother's day tomorrow. And he is asking me what I want for dinner so he can cook it. I'm already feeling quiet because I just have last year, and this valentine's playing over in my head. AIBU to think he should be able to think just once about what he can do, without me having to decide myself and tell him. I'm not in the mood to find a recipe to tell him to cook it.
If I don't, he won't do anything, then like valentine's will say that I would have had a nice day/a gift if it wasn't for my own behaviour.
I know I probably sound precious, but I've spent so long not ever having anything because our relationship was not in a good place, but it was genuinely all his doing. He now says he wants the opportunity to show me what we could have, and without going into details, after what he's done and I've stayed with him, he should be doing this with bells and whistles. And this transpired into how he dealt with valentine's, and I guess that's why it's prickling me so much that for mother's day, after doing nothing for our first, he now looks to me to tell him what meal he should cook. I hope people can see that I'm really not ungrateful at the concept of someone cooking for me, and that there is a bigger picture here.
I just know I'll wake up tomorrow, expecting groundhog Day, I'll be sad from the start, he'll then say he could do nothing because of this, and this will be the "reason" the day is ruined. I told him after valentine's why I was sad all day, I was expecting no acknowledgement again and waiting for him to prove me wrong.
Sorry so long, didn't want to drip feed.