To think this is too much?

[Geeitsfriday]

Do you think an alternate of calpol and nurofen every day every 4 hours for months is too much? I'm starting to worry about a friends baby. I wouldn't dare say anything as she is a great mother and loves her DD very much. But knowing she uses it when they get whiney 'in case they're in pain' is troubling to me as it could be a number of things, tiredness included. I know she thinks she's doing the right thing but I'm not so sure. What's everyone else's opinion on this much pain relief every day? Surely the liver is going to be impacted long term?

Yes that isnt normal and is potentially harmful long term I'd have thought

I have deployed that but only when Dd was properly poorly with flu or a heavy cold.

Is she actually giving her baby this every single day?

@BaggoMcoys

Is she actually giving her baby this every single day?

Last time we spoke about her 'pain', yes. The last time we spoke about baby she told me baby was crying so gave calpol, so it doesn't seem like it's changed

Sorry I posted too soon. I'm a bit shocked. If she's doing that all the time then it sounds worrying. Even if it doesn't harm the baby, giving a baby unnecessary medication so frequently makes it sound as though the mother is not well. I would be really concerned.

Bloody hell, I don’t think I could be friends with someone who was doing that as I’d have to say something. Very dangerous.

Neurofen is extremely dangerous over long periods it is not meant to be used more than 3 days in a row. It can really damage the kidneys. Op you need to say something she could be seriously damaging that babies health! Plus if you use it that regularly it won't be effective the child will develop a tolerance to it

Funny you should mention that, I've often worried about how she's coping with a small baby in lockdown, some days she seems fine but others she definitely does not.
Now I'm more worried than I was :(

Yes that’s a lot of medicine. Can you report it to someone? I would think that baby is in danger

Yes. I'd be so worried I'd have to say something. If it's everyday and not just when obviously unwell then I'd be extremely concerned.

Calpol is very, very safe and I know parents who give it often due to teething. This is fine. But giving pain medication everyday for weeks on end and particularly ibuprofen, is very damaging. It can cause stomach and digestive issues.

How do I say something without hurting her feelings? I know her feelings are not as important as baby's health but she's very sensitive. I have thought about maybe speaking to someone else shes close to that has a bit more confidence than I do. Now I definitely see something needs to be said though

And your comment about her ‘being a great mother’ Is fucking chilling. A great mother does not overmedicate a whinging child. They take medical advice if they think it’s a health problem and follows the doctor’s advice. Or they find other ways to pacify the child through distraction or holistic means, teething gel if it’s teething, something cool for them to chew on.

Social services perhaps? Not to be malicious but genuinely that is a huge amount of medication to give

Maybe call 111 or nspcc and see what they advise

The more I think about it, now I see everyone's view and the true seriousness of it, the more I notice how lethargic and needy her DD is. I'm going to have to say something because if I don't, it might haunt me forever

@justanotherneighinparadise

And your comment about her ‘being a great mother’ Is fucking chilling. A great mother does not overmedicate a whinging child. They take medical advice if they think it’s a health problem and follows the doctor’s advice. Or they find other ways to pacify the child through distraction or holistic means, teething gel if it’s teething, something cool for them to chew on.

I'm glad you brought this up, the more I think of it, the more I think she tells me how great everything is etc. The great mother comment was going off what she portrays, not the reality

@Cookiecrumblepie

Maybe call 111 or nspcc and see what they advise

Good idea, thank you

The first thing I would attempt is to persuade her to take her child to the gp because no child should be in pain for that long and explain to the gp how much pain relief the child seems to be requiring

The gp should do the rest.

If that didn't work I'd look at talking to her seriously and failing that, putting in a report - again perhaps by calling her gp in the first instance.

When you do speak to her try and make sure you plan what you’re going to say, as there will undoubtedly be a fall out and it’s best to be very clear incase you only have one shot at it.

I think a sensitive way of mentioning it would be to ask what the GP has said about it/the constant need to have medication- you can say it as if you assume she just have spoken to them, and it might encourage her to actually speak to them about it. IMO she is more likely to act on a medical professional telling her they shouldn’t be having it all the time and feel less judged if she is struggling. I know it sounds a bit manipulative but if she’s having a hard time making her feel alienated or like a bad parent won’t make her want to talk to you- it’s tricky.

She says 'teething' every time. And sometimes I'm sure it is teething but surely not every single time.

There will for sure be a fall out, which is why I've been so cautious about saying anything. But I'm so glad I posted on here because I needed to hear it. If I lose a friend but help a baby, thats absolutely fine with me

If you speak to her directly you need to emphasise that if her baby is crying that much and is lethargic there could be something wrong and she needs to speak to HV and GP.

A baby that needs pain relief everyday isn't ok and needs medical help.

Nope, that's not on. Waaaaaay too much.

Not sure what you can say though.

No-one likes someone else telling them how to raise their own kids.

My second teethed very badly and on the pharmacists advice I would alternate ibuprofen with paracetamol and it worked very well. I would only do this on the odd night when he SCREAMED.

@littlepattilou

Nope, that's not on. Waaaaaay too much.

Not sure what you can say though.

No-one likes someone else telling them how to raise their own kids.

Exactly this!! I've said things before and it has never gone down well. Yet she gives me unsolicited advice all the time, and sometimes I take it if its helpful and others I just ignore as it doesn't apply. But if I've ever said anything in the past its never gone down too well. I think she wants to look like the perfect mother and does not like it being challenged.