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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too much?

120 replies

Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 11:34

Do you think an alternate of calpol and nurofen every day every 4 hours for months is too much? I'm starting to worry about a friends baby. I wouldn't dare say anything as she is a great mother and loves her DD very much. But knowing she uses it when they get whiney 'in case they're in pain' is troubling to me as it could be a number of things, tiredness included. I know she thinks she's doing the right thing but I'm not so sure. What's everyone else's opinion on this much pain relief every day? Surely the liver is going to be impacted long term?

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 17:01

I have looked again at Op's posts and do not think she says friend has ever said she gives pain relief every day. She states she has heard it mentioned as being given over a period of illness,and she has seen her give it on more than one occasion, and 'assumes nothing has changed''

I think this is very different to having knowledge or being told it is given daily.

Therefore I think many of the suggestions on this thread are pretty premature.

The first thing OP needs to do is chat to friend as I mention above. She has a concern....that's fine, so she needs to follow it up and clarify in her own mind if this seems to be an issue or not and that perhaps she has assumed more use than there is.

WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 17:03

Everyone, look back at OP's posts - does she ever say she has seen this on a daily and ongoing basis or the friend has said she gives it onan daily and ongoing basis, outside of a period of illness? I don't think so.

OP has assumed something and most people posting on here have assumed something too.

Look back and see what Op says.

WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 17:13

Nettle, did you see what Insaud querying whether Op has said friend ever actually said she gives it on an on-going basis or whether she has just assumed this? What do you think about what OP has actually said and heard/perhaps assumed?

Springsnake · 12/03/2021 17:26

Find out which medical practice she is registered at and report to her doctor .

Original poster
Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 17:27

Right. I thought I would get back to you all as I know this is probably really concerning for you guys. I've been assured she doesn't do this anymore. After all your comments about mental health, it got me thinking. There are many red flags I missed before and took it as shes young and a first time mum in lockdown. Her health visitor is coming out to her next week. Thank you all so much

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 17:28

Spring, but do you think from Op’s spots that the friend has ever actually said she regularly gives painkillers on a daily basis. Look at what Op actually says she has said and what she has assumed.

Original poster
Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 17:29

@WombatChocolate

Nettle, did you see what Insaud querying whether Op has said friend ever actually said she gives it on an on-going basis or whether she has just assumed this? What do you think about what OP has actually said and heard/perhaps assumed?
She told me she did. I assumed it was still going on from last time I knew because she said she gave baby calpol when they got whiney and it worried me
OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 17:29

Op, did she ever actually say to you that she was giving it every day on an ongoing basis and beyond a period of illness?

Original poster
Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 17:36

I fully agree with you @WombatChocolate there was no chance I was going to go to SS first. She just needs help and advice. She's practically doing it alone, she's young and this is her first. I feel bad for her but the child's health was too important for me to ignore.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 12/03/2021 17:51

I've had odd bad nights (maybe 10 in a year) when shes been exhausted and clearly in pain when I've given calpol at 6pm and calprofen at 11pm just to let her get a nights sleep when she's had a really bad run of nights with teeth. But continously for months? Jesus no.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 12/03/2021 17:52

I really doubt she is giving it continuously daily for months

Original poster
Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 17:56

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I really doubt she is giving it continuously daily for months
You can doubt it but it was definitely the case. She told me. It was routine, eg ' right 4 o'clock time for calpol'
OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 12/03/2021 18:23

Did she ever actually say that it was for months though? Or just the routine for that particular period where her child appeared unwell? I've read the thread without commenting so far, and I must admit I was thinking exactly the same as @WombatChocolate, that it was never actually clarified in your posts. Exactly what were her words that led you to the impression it had been going on for months?

SleepingStandingUp · 12/03/2021 18:27

I've had a baby come home post op and having weaned off Morphine / Ket etc on this kind of pain relief but it was a weaning dose and within a few days we were down to calpol of he needed it. A baby basically on fill time calpol is worrying but the ibuprofen stuff will also screw over baby's tummy.

Can you approach it as a how is baby, you really should call 111, I saw a case where baby was alway on this pain and it was X something awful?

AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 12/03/2021 18:51

So you asked her? What else was she going to say when she realised you were concerned? Of course she said she doesnt do this anymore.

There is a child at risk here. You know about it. Do something.

WombatChocolate · 12/03/2021 18:59

Thanks Op. Your initial posts just referred to one time when she referred to giving it constantly, and then you said you’d seen her give it other times, and decided ‘nothing had changed’ - so it wasn’t entirely clear if she had actually said to you that she was giving it on a regular, on-going basis, or just that you’d seen it happen several times.

It’s good you picked up on it and it’s good the health visitor is coming to see her. Is that because you raised it with her or was the health visitor coming anyway and does the health visitor know about this issue? Did you have a chat with friend about the use, or did it just come out that she’s not giving it regularly now?

Of course you were right to notice it and be concerned. A good friend always tackles the tricky topics which need addressing when they’re important like this, even if it’s hard.

I was surprised how many people leapt straight to ‘tell social services’ especially as the detail abiut exactly what had been said by friend or what you had seen was so patchy. But I guess that’s MN and people have rather extreme knee jerk reactions based on incomplete information before they ask any further questions to clarify.

Hope your friend gets some support if she needs it, and that your friendship is a big help too.

Original poster
Geeitsfriday · 12/03/2021 19:24

@WombatChocolate I spoke to her about how put off pain relief I was after reading an article and I would only ever use it for emergencies now, I made it seem like I was the one that needed to cut down. And she replied with 'thank God babys teething is over and she doesn't need calpol anymore.' Then I asked about her moods and she said she was down about another issue she has with baby and the health visitor was coming out next week for a check up of everything. I reminded her to tell the health visitor she used to be on a lot of pain relief when she was 'teething' just in case thats an issue (obviously it is). So I did it softly but made sure she understood the risks. She's a sweet girl, a very sweet girl, she just needs guidance.
I know it was a bit shocking to read all the social services comments but on one hand I fully understand why. They don't know her, they just read a mother is over medicating her baby and that sounds scary.
Thank you for your comments x

OP posts:
Coffeeandaride · 13/03/2021 16:49

Great update OP, life’s better when we are looking out for one another and intervening can work!

Harryo · 13/03/2021 21:19

They don't know her, they just read a mother is over medicating her baby and that sounds scary.

Its more than scary @Geeitsfriday. At best she could cause longterm damage, at worst she could kill her baby.

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