Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

@DebbieGetsTheJobDone - no. But curious as how you thought that could be the case.

@TheImber

I'm a man.

Back in the day I used to go to the gym a lot, had a good body, was considered good looking.

I used to make money at uni selling shots on nights out. Youve seen that sort of thing before im sure, I used to walk around nightclubs, no top on, just jeans and a belt carrying tequila bottles and shot glasses.

The amount of sexual harassment and out and out physical assault I used to experience from women was unbelievable. I was routinely groped, pinched, had my groin squeezed, women would try and kiss me without asking etc etc. It was 3-4 times a night, minimum.

When I refused or pushed them away, I was the bad guy and I would get angry responses and abuse. I was even reported to the club owner once, for trying to stop an old woman from sticking her hand down my trousers and her tongue in my mouth. She still proceeded to lick my face and ears anyway... still shudder at the thought.

The girls who did the same job as me never got anything like what I did, maybe a few leery comments at worst. An ex girlfriend of mine used to work in a strip club, never got anything like the shit I used to have to put up with, and remember, I worked in normal clubs, not male strip clubs.

The point is there is no excuse for sexual harassment, regardless of sex. I suggest from bitter experience that women are no better when the tables are turned and they think they can get away with it.

How many men have been kidnapped and murdered by women? Which is besides the point of this thread, it's about women being harassed and assaulted by men. Go start your own thread on your own forum.

A man flashed at me and my fiends (aged 8-10) back in the 80. I was followed home from local Waitrose whilst pregnant by a guy who asked if Waitrose was still open. I sad yes but he decided not to go in and walked confidently beside me talking about himself for 5 minutes saying he lived “just up the road” but he continued (in torrential rain) and asked for my number. I was barely acknowledging him and was keeping to the busiest road. He persisted, kept following me and asking me questions which I was ignoring, and asking for my number, until I dug my heels into the ground and told him “NOOOOOO! Fuck off!” And then I bolted.
Another time, on the tube, I realised the guy beside me was masturbating. I reported him to the police and saw him on Crimewatch not long after having harassed women at Euston Station.
At a previous job of mine a quite well regarded 30-something man, married with kids, used to touch me inappropriately and pretend he was reaching for books behind me. He following me home on the tube once. He didn’t get out at his stop and said he was coming home with me. I told him to get lost. He continued with this behaviour at work, stating in my office window at me. I reported him to my head of department and she defended him, saying he was from “a different culture”.
I could go on, and on, and on.

No I haven’t.
But my DH, straight and married/father, got harassed by a male at his workplace. Apparently this guy had a habit of trying to ‘turn’ the straight guys.

@DebbieGetsTheJobDone

I dont' appear "more worried", I am replying to accusation or attacks addressed to ME

ou may have noticed quite a lot of posters saying they thought they had never been harassed but now they look back with greater awareness, see that they have been, quite egregiously. Or quite a lot saying something like "Oh, I have had it, but it's not been too bad" and then listing off a load of staggeringly horrible behaviours. What does that tell you?

that you are patronising me by suggesting that I am either in denial or completely blind to the obvious.

Which is ironic, as I am supposed to be so dumb I am completely unaware of things like that apparently.

There is nothing in any of my posts to suggest that I think women don't notice it because they're thick. I thought it was clear that I meant they don't notice it because it has been normalised and trivialised so much. So much so that even when you try to make the point, they think you're calling them stupid. It's so normalised that they don't realise you're saying it's normalised.

Nonetheless, I refer you to my initial point that offended you so much: if you have worry to spare, save it for the legions of harassed women and the sexist culture that generates it. There is no need to worry about women who say they haven't been harassed being pressured to say they have been. If it's a problem at all, it's a far smaller one.

This is an important issue, so I'm not going to derail it any further with "you said this about ME", "no I didn't" etc etc.

No, what I was actually saying is that too many fathers teach their daughters what their place should be.

And are those daughters the only ones who get harrassed and raped?! I'm all in favour of not raising princesses, but that responsibility is as much mothers' as fathers'. Whereas the responsibility for sexual harrassment, sexual assault and rape lies solely with the male perpetrators.

I’m in my 40s and 20 years ago this was just what we accepted as part and parcel of going out. I used to do a thing when a guy grabbed my Arse in a club of holding up his hand high in the air and shouting “Anyone know who this hand belongs to - I just found it on my bum.” And we’d all laugh. And I’d congratulate myself for being such a spunky ladette type.

Part of this was the sense of invincibility that went with youth but part of this was the daily brainwashing of growing up in a patriarchy where women just expect shit like this and live with it. Since having daughters I’ve woken up a bit. I’m enraged at the thought of them having to put up with this shit.

Abused sexually as a 9 year old.
Attacked at uni.
Date raped. Was told if i didnt I would be hurt and thrown out of car.
Our son has been taught to be respectful and call other men out . Guess what? HE THEN GETS CALLED NAMES AND HAS BEEN THREATEND for doing so.

A male colleauge put his hand up my skirt when he was on the floor filing and i was stood next to him . His face was right there . I slapped him . I got into trouble for slapping a senior collauge but it was worth it . The female manager who disciplined me looked quite proud of me actually .

I was born in 1980. By 11 years old I had a middle age man follow me into the toilets that’s where it started and it has continued since then.
At 14 I had a (at the time) well known radio DJ using me in a wet tshirt competition as part of his summer road show. I didn’t hide my age. He later kissed me back stage. At the time I was flattered, but looking back . This is not an isolated incident. I have met three other women my age who were kissed by a certain pop star at the time, doing the school circuit.
As an 18 year old I went back to my date’s house, only for his flat mates to join in, I eventually got away but not until they had had fun with me.
As an adult I have been subjected to innuendo, groping by males and females and cat called, etc even while walking with my small children. My most recent incident was my last staff night out pre lockdown. Two men deciding to ‘sandwich’ me while I was dancing with colleagues! I’m 40 for crying out loud.

Yes, I’ve been sexually harassed by men since joining the workforce and I witnessed it when at primary school and secondary school and that was a long time ago. It’s just not good enough. However there are so many lovely, upstanding and respectful men out there, we shouldn’t forget that. Some of them are absolute toppers!
Something I’ve just remembered since being in lockdown. My DH’s family and friends all indulge in hello hugs and goodbye hugs. My family and friends reserve hugs for only immediate, close family and very long term friends rather than all and sundry. Therefore for DH’s sake I feel obliged to hug when socialising. However, I particularly dislike one of his friends and my BIL always puts his hands very firmly round my waist and claps my hips as he hugs and I really do not want that type of hug from him. I never say anything because his wife and other family are always there. Lockdown has been great because we do not see them hence no hugs. How do I get out of it when we go back to normal?

@Springsoonplease - horrible. what happened to the handsy colleague?

What did HR think you were supposed to do to get him to stop? Presumably he had the gall to COMPLAIN about you slapping him?

Oh .. when you think back you start recalling .. here is another.. between my degree amd my post grad .. worked in a care home for young disabled people. Was touched by accident all the time. And the men used to.buzz to request personal care when they were in an aroused state . It was abuse that the care home tried to ignore . It was horrific.

@Cinderstella by telling yourself and DH that you are not into hugging all and sundry, and from now on, won't be - and stepping back and if necessary, putting your hand out in the stop position if they try to inflict their hugs on you.

Cinder you’re have reminded me friends husband a policeman actually when drunk picks you up and swings you around , slaps your bottom and it’s always hello gorgeous he think he is a top charming flirt. He’s a dick

Heart. Yes he did. He said I assaulted him . . He thought his action a joke . This was in the 80s .

His face was right there . I slapped him
good! we should do this more often
(I do know it's not easy to control your response in a situation like that)

I think fathers are important in all this, is my simple point. It's not helpful for women to be brought up expecting to be princesses.

This makes me fuming angry. Fuck you a million times.

Oh and when meeting with my dissertation tutor, I was told that the plump redness of my lips was an evolutionary trick to make men think of ovulating vulva!

Am really cross now.
As i said years ago we taught our ds to call it out .. but then when he does he gets abuse. He calls it toxic masculinity. Theses days , being really fit and sporty .. men dont abuse him for this action as much as when he was younger .. i did worry that he wd get beaten up .
Sadly .

The 80s was really bad flashing for example was just the norm . My mum called the police but they weren’t too interested‘harmless’ apparently

I hate.
That is gross . ! Letch .

This makes me fuming angry. Fuck you a million times

I don't even get the point AT ALL.

Especially when poster after poster has said about their experiences being in a hoody, leggings, or pushing a pram, etc.
It's nothing to do with fathers and how they brought you up.

However, I particularly dislike one of his friends and my BIL always puts his hands very firmly round my waist and claps my hips as he hugs and I really do not want that type of hug from him. I never say anything because his wife and other family are always there
he knows exactly what the dynamic is here, push the c* away next time

Honestly, after years of sexual harassment and just the constant shitty sexualisation of women I was floored when I met DH and he didn’t treat me like an object. At one point I even worried he didn’t find me attractive! It was only when I realised he was one of the good ones and THIS is what it can be like I held on to him with both hands.