Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

I haven’t and I’m 38 I just seem to fly under most peoples radars

I have a friend who has never been harassed by a man. She always used to act overly shocked when I said the problems I have with men harassing me, I'm not actually sure she believed me. Except one day we went to lunch together and she dropped me back to my office in her car.
3 men started chasing me and running after me and even though I was metres from my office entrance I couldn't get to it and the men got me. They told me they were going to rape me and kill me. One rubbed himself up and down on me and pulled his trouser down so I could see almost all of his boxers.
The others were laughing at me.
I screamed in his face that he needed to FUCK off . I was absolutely terrified I was going to be killed as they put their hands in a gun gesture and poked my forehead with the tips of their fingers pretending to shoot me while saying you're dead. This was my lunchtime!

I went to the police. They practically laughed me out the door. I can no longer ever trust the police.
I walk looking over my shoulders all the time. I never ever walk alone after dark, I don't get taxis alone anymore either due to harassment in taxis. Ive moved carriages in trains if I'm alone as I've had men try to trap me by blocking my exit sitting on the outside seat when I'm next to a window. I won't work anywhere that doesn't have crowds of people nearby. I live my life daily around ensuring my safety away from men. And it's tiring!

@HaNNaHC92

I'm 28 and have not experienced male harassment or even come close to. There's obviously a lot of women out there who have been, but I think the numbers are exaggerated and are still small compared to those who have not been.

I'm almost 40. I am not particularly attractive. When I was younger I was of course, better looking but still nothing compared to my two truly stunning, model looking, popular friends I used to go out with. And yet I still have dozens of awful stories, including many of which happened when I was with these friends.

I have heard very few women say they haven't had anything happen and most women don't have one, solitary story either. More often than not, they have many to tell.

I believe some women think they haven't had it (I think they just haven't noticed it - I've seen vulgar signs and heard comments aimed at women who didn't see or hear them).

I'm hugely suspicious of anyone who claims not only that they've had it, but that they think most other women haven't either. Especially if they've got a rather over overcompensating girly username.

Sometimes you don’t call things out as you are not sure. I felt very uncomfortable around a friends dad wee comments etc when I was about 10 and made sure I was never alone but couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. I also went to a husband and wife owned Bowen clinic got the husband seemed a decent older chap. However during the therapy for my hip he concentrated a lot around the groin and upper thigh area I was very uncomfortable I knew it wasn’t right, he knew I knew but I didn’t say anything as I wasn’t 100% sure . I jokingly said bit high . He never billed me and I never went back. Funny the clinic no longer there so maybe this was ongoing.

I’ve been sexually assaulted twice, once as a 15 year old in school and once in the tube, and harassed more times than I can remember.

My 16 year old daughter has been harassed twice, so far.

In quite a long life, I've had a bit, but not a lot. Absolutely non-stop wolf-whistling and calling out of passing cars when I was younger, which was infuriating. Loads of that "Cheer up love it might never happen" crap. Two men (whom I knew and thought were safe) who gave me lifts and then decided to make forceful passes which I had to be very firm about stopping. A neighbour I got chatting to once when he was out in his garden - perfectly normal, friendly conversation, and then he said, "What are you doing now? Going home to have sex?" And I got mugged at knifepoint years ago. Although that wasn't sexually motivated, I think it possibly happened because I was an easier target than a man.

Apart from that, nothing. I've always refused to restrict what I do and where I go, and I have a whole lifetime behind me of walking alone late at night - apart from the long-ago mugging, I've never had any trouble.

However, what I think made a massive difference to me was a wonderful father. He had two daughters and instead of regretting the lack of sons, treated us exactly like sons, we were taught to aim high and believe we could do anything at all. I think that entirely changed my demeanour at work and elsewhere, in how I expected to be treated and thereby influenced the way others treated me too

Yes, me too. I agree with you, pp - I think the way we expect to be treated does influence the way men treat us. I've gone through life expecting men to treat me well, and for the most part this is what's happened.

I had a weirdo on the bus chat me up, not taking no for an answer, until another man told him to stop. I was 15. I have had hands up skirts from strangers, bum pinched, boob stroked and cat called. Recently (in my 50s) had a group of lads walk past late at night and say "hello". Sounds innocuous doesn't it? It was the way it was said, full of menace. Called fat for not having a slow dance with someone. Oh, just remembered these ones; car stopped next to me and told me what he wanted to do to me and a random bloke biting my cheek at a party. What the actual fuck??!!

I'm 39, I have, and every single one of my female friends has. I could list countless times off the top of my head, and I wonder too, if I really stopped to think about it, how many other times a man has made me uncomfortable and it doesn't even register in my mind as 'harassment' because it's so common.

And also we have all grown up doing all the things as a woman you just do - don't walk in unlit, deserted places at night. Keep keys in hand whilst walking home from the station to your door. Texting friends to say we got home safe. Moved seats on the bus, crossed over the road to avoid the creepy man who won't stop staring at us, etc etc.

And just this moment I've seen the news bulletin saying the human remains have been confirmed as being Sarah Everard's. And I am just heartbroken for her family and friends and most of all, her. And fuming that the police went around the area telling women they shouldn't go out by themselves, and this atrocity was allegedly carried out by a serving police officer. This needs to change. Women shouldn't have to alter their behaviour, and feel scared and anxious. Men need to stop harassing women and stop assaulting them and stop raping them and stop murdering them.

I was harrassed by a man a church fete of all places. He was working one of the stalls, so must of been in with the church

the chef at my Saturday job waited until the kitchen was empty, grabbed me and pinned me against the wall trying to kiss me;

@ServeTheServants same. Chef in his 30's penned me into a booth seat where I was folding napkins and came at me, gob open for a kiss. I was 15 or 16.
Dirty fucking perv, Mike the Chef!

I get harassed all the time and I mean sometimes daily but I live in a bad area and have a certain type of body. I don't know of women who have NEVER had even one harassment from men

If my daughter comes back from a hen week abroad, and tells me she hasn't experienced any male harassment during the trip, I would obviously feel relieved, but wouldn't keep pestering her saying she must either be lying, minimising it, or be deluded about it.

I am honestly worried some of the posters on here would.

Yes, me too. I agree with you, pp - I think the way we expect to be treated does influence the way men treat us. I've gone through life expecting men to treat me well, and for the most part this is what's happened

This is beyond me. Totally.
I have very very high standards in the way I expect to be treated. But I have had harrassment.

My adult DDs... oh my god, one of them in particular, her standards are impeccably high, she is a kick ass woman, with a high flying career... she takes no prisoners at all. She has been harrassed. She's been groped.

I know you don't mean it like this (at least I hope not) but your post comes across like posters on here don't have high standards, expect to be attacked or harrassed, so they are.

That is so wrong.

@Time40

In quite a long life, I've had a bit, but not a lot. Absolutely non-stop wolf-whistling and calling out of passing cars when I was younger, which was infuriating. Loads of that "Cheer up love it might never happen" crap. Two men (whom I knew and thought were safe) who gave me lifts and then decided to make forceful passes which I had to be very firm about stopping. A neighbour I got chatting to once when he was out in his garden - perfectly normal, friendly conversation, and then he said, "What are you doing now? Going home to have sex?" And I got mugged at knifepoint years ago. Although that wasn't sexually motivated, I think it possibly happened because I was an easier target than a man.

Apart from that, nothing. I've always refused to restrict what I do and where I go, and I have a whole lifetime behind me of walking alone late at night - apart from the long-ago mugging, I've never had any trouble.

However, what I think made a massive difference to me was a wonderful father. He had two daughters and instead of regretting the lack of sons, treated us exactly like sons, we were taught to aim high and believe we could do anything at all. I think that entirely changed my demeanour at work and elsewhere, in how I expected to be treated and thereby influenced the way others treated me too

Yes, me too. I agree with you, pp - I think the way we expect to be treated does influence the way men treat us. I've gone through life expecting men to treat me well, and for the most part this is what's happened.

Bit more victim blaming there then? My dad is great but I've still had horrific treatment from men over the years.

I worked with some of the most damaged and vulnerable young women in British society. The posters on here talking about a "vibe" and other victim blaming crap should spend an hour in their company hearing their stories and then see if they still hold the same view.

Yes. First time when I was in school around age 15. Several times after that in my teens and early 20s

If people haven’t had these experiences that’s fine. I’m glad for you and hope that’s my dds experience. What I can’t fathom is making out it’s something us other women are doing to encourage this behaviour. I do hope, after all the posts here, you realise the error of your views.

@Roussette

Yes, me too. I agree with you, pp - I think the way we expect to be treated does influence the way men treat us. I've gone through life expecting men to treat me well, and for the most part this is what's happened

This is beyond me. Totally.
I have very very high standards in the way I expect to be treated. But I have had harrassment.

My adult DDs... oh my god, one of them in particular, her standards are impeccably high, she is a kick ass woman, with a high flying career... she takes no prisoners at all. She has been harrassed. She's been groped.

I know you don't mean it like this (at least I hope not) but your post comes across like posters on here don't have high standards, expect to be attacked or harrassed, so they are.

That is so wrong.

Agree entirely. I am utterly dismayed by the amount of posts like this.

I will tolerate NO poor treatment by men in my life.

Those shouting at me as a schoolgirl, rubbing themselves against me till they spunk on my coat on a packed tube train, or flashed me in a park, didn’t know that. Should I have hunted them down to tell them?

JFC, this is depressing.

If people haven’t had these experiences that’s fine. I’m glad for you and hope that’s my dds experience. What I can’t fathom is making out it’s something us other women are doing to encourage this behaviour. I do hope, after all the posts here, you realise the error of your views

Yes.
Our fathers didn't teach us how to be independent women enough
We did give out a vibe of 'dont mess with me' enough
We should expect men to treat us well. Then we would be.

That seems to be the common theme. I'm shocked.

I couldn't even tell you the number of times I've been sexually harassed and in some cases sexually assaulted by men. There are a few instances that stand out. The man who used to come to the door naked when I had a paper round at 13, the boy in school who rubbed himself up against me in class when I was 14, the random bloke who put his hand up my skirt and tried to put his fingers inside me as I walked past him in a nightclub, the ex who spiked my drink (luckily my friend took me home and nothing happened), the guy chatting me up thinking I was a schoolgirl (he lost interest when I told him I was 21) and the black cab I innocently got into when it was in fact not a licensed cab at all. These are just a few of the more memorable ones, not to mention numerous cat calls, lewd comments from strangers, groping. It's only now in my 40s, that I look back and feel angry because at the time it was just normal.

*We DON'T give out a vibe of 'don't mess with me' enough

@DebbieGetsTheJobDone

If my daughter comes back from a hen week abroad, and tells me she hasn't experienced any male harassment during the trip, I would obviously feel relieved, but wouldn't keep pestering her saying she must either be lying, minimising it, or be deluded about it.

I am honestly worried some of the posters on here would.

No you're not. But if you do have some worry going spare, save it for the overwhelming majority of women who have definitely had it.

I have once in my mind. However I think it’s a very difficult question I think it would depend on what an individual person thinks sexual harassment is or what counts as sexual harassment.

I have been thinking about this over the past few days and aside from the catcalling, groping in clubs etc. I couldn't think of any other examples and then I remembered that as a teenager I was flashed at twice.

It scared me that I didn't really remember it, as though it wasn't that bad, normal almost but when I think about it now I think how awful!!