Police advising women not to walk alone at night

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I’ve seen a lot of friends outraged at the Met police locally advising women not to walk alone at night in the days following the disappearance of Sarah Everard. I’ve seen a posts along the lines of ‘how about telling men not to attack women instead?’

I absolutely agree with the wider point that we should be asking the question “how do we make it safe for women?” not “how do women stay out of danger?”

But in this case, was the police’s advice not just the equivalent of advising people to stay out of the water following a shark attack?

I’m so upset and angry about Sarah Everard but I cannot get incensed about the police advising women to take precautions when an unknown attacker may have still been in the area.

Personally I’ve never wanted my female friends to walk home alone actually I wouldn’t want anyone walking home at night regardless of gender

Society needs to start putting the onus on men to be the custodians of male behaviour. Not women.

I am the wife of a good man, I'm the proud mother of two lovely, decent sons. I would still rather that they were the ones constantly being given the message about dangerous behaviours, rather than me and my daughter.

This stuff doesn't start with a police press conference, it starts early on in life.

Imagine a world where females can walk the streets wearing whatever they want and whatever time they want.

What we need is the "good" men i.e. the non murdering / rapist ones to do more. Just not raping / murdering is not enough (& never has been). They need to call out their friends, colleagues, bosses on sexism, on not seeing women as equals. However much it seems to be "bants". Also, don't walk alone in the dark just doesn't cut it. A friend was sexually assaulted when pregnant on the tube, in rush hour in a packed train carriage (a man w*nked on her). She wasn't alone, it wasn't dark, she wasn't walking and I assure you heavily pregnant was not dressed provocatively. Ok, she wasn't murdered so that makes it ok???

To Sarah, and all the others, I promise to do everything I possibly can to mean my son is not only an ally but an advocate who will stand up for women. Always.

"I never have, and never would, walk anywhere lonely or isolated after dark. But other women would."
Other women dont have a choice.
Ffs check your privilege if it never has to cross your mind that you might not make it home to your kids alive because you have to work.

@LemonadeBudget

Society needs to start putting the onus on men to be the custodians of male behaviour. Not women.

I am the wife of a good man, I'm the proud mother of two lovely, decent sons. I would still rather that they were the ones constantly being given the message about dangerous behaviours, rather than me and my daughter.

This stuff doesn't start with a police press conference, it starts early on in life.

Your husband and son's aren't the ones who need to be "constantly given the message". How will constantly telling the vast, vast majority who have morals, help deal with the tiny, tiny minority who think attacking women is acceptable? Your husband and sons probably never come into contact with one of the tiny, tiny minority who'd abduct a woman.

Today I heard DS's teacher say to the class " What I want to know is what she was doing at her friend's house?"

It really felt like the wrong thing to focus on!

This angers me so much as a mother of two daughters. May I start by saying I have been the victim of a horrendous assault by a man.
I try my very best not to pass my fear onto my daughters, the world is their oyster, go out, have fun and work hard. But they are being told by the media to take care of where they are walking, don't go out alone. Bullshit. Why are women expected to take care against male predators, come down on the predators like a ton of bricks then we may have a world where women can live their lives!

More men than women are killed by men, by quite a large percentage. Male violence is a problem for both sexes - blaming all men for it is not the way forward. Not walking home alone is good advice in lots of places, regardless of sex.

Still googling, still not finding a likely source for what the OP is referring to.

Someone was on gmtv and was directly asked what women could do to stay safe, but even she prefaced any advice with 'they shouldn't need to' and said her advice was for anyone walking alone.

I'm starting to wonder if this actually happened.

The Met are now investigating whether the reports of the indecent exposure incident were investigated appropriately. As this seems to be part of a pattern of escalating behaviour perhaps we (society and police) need to take the more minor transgressions much more seriously?

More severe penalties for such behaviour and all the other kinds of street harassment women suffer.

news.sky.com/story/sarah-everard-arrest-police-watchdog-probes-metropolitan-police-over-indecent-exposure-allegation-made-against-suspect-12243150

OP it's effectively telling women to stay at home

I'm with Jenny Jones, a curfew for men would be much easier. They could show papers to explain why they are out of the house.

I've had this conversation because many members of my family live in a country that is really horrendous for treatment of women. We all know the answer. The bloody men need to stay at home.

And I would like messaging saying you're mostly likely to be attacked by a partner or family member.

I'm baffled at the number of people who don't realise single women are at less risk.

@AnyFucker

The Yorkshire Ripper was attacking women in the 1970’s and 80’s. We should have moved on since then. If you watched The Ripper the women were blamed for their attacks, some of them smeared as sex workers when they were not.

Even those who were sex workers were entitled to the protection of the law, and not to be blamed for what happened to them.

Sex workers are people, too and have a right to life.

(I know you weren't intending to suggest otherwise AntFucker - it was the police - and often public - response to these women's deaths that I was thinking of. It was very much "bad" women deserve what they get.)

@saraclara

Still googling, still not finding a likely source for what the OP is referring to.

Someone was on gmtv and was directly asked what women could do to stay safe, but even she prefaced any advice with 'they shouldn't need to' and said her advice was for anyone walking alone.

I'm starting to wonder if this actually happened.

Jenny Jones MP.

But he’s not still in the area. The alleged perpetrator is in custody.

We shouldn’t have to do this. We should be safe on our streets. Men should not commit rape. Men need to modify their behaviour.

I'm with Jenny Jones, a curfew for men would be much easier. They could show papers to explain why they are out of the house.

Many years ago in Israel there was a horrific number of rapes. The answer suggested by the (largely male) Israeli parliament was to set a curfew for women. The then Prime Minister, Golda Meir, said "It's not the women who are doing the raping.".

JosieJarker did I actually say that women shouldn’t walk alone after dark ? I know how lucky I am that I don’t have to leave the house after dark and that others who work do. The point I’m making is that people are ‘outraged’ about police advising women to stay home after dark whilst there was a nutter loose on the streets, but that we all know it’s not safe to walk alone at night in isolated places. We’re not stupid. And that those of us who have a choice don’t choose to risk it. Jeez....

Your husband and son's aren't the ones who need to be "constantly given the message". How will constantly telling the vast, vast majority who have morals, help deal with the tiny, tiny minority who think attacking women is acceptable? Your husband and sons probably never come into contact with one of the tiny, tiny minority who'd abduct a woman

No they won't. But I'd bet my last penny they will come into contact with many men who would cat call a woman on the street. Laugh at a situation involving a woman being the butt of a 'joke'. Discuss women who they think are 'up for it'. Come into contact with men who would share porn on WhatsApp groups and make sex references in the office.

Those are the attitudes that feed male abusive behaviour.

@VestaTilley

But he’s not still in the area. The alleged perpetrator is in custody.

We shouldn’t have to do this. We should be safe on our streets. Men should not commit rape. Men need to modify their behaviour.

It does make me think they are not sure and an arrest is not a conviction.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I'm with Jenny Jones, a curfew for men would be much easier. They could show papers to explain why they are out of the house.

Many years ago in Israel there was a horrific number of rapes. The answer suggested by the (largely male) Israeli parliament was to set a curfew for women. The then Prime Minister, Golda Meir, said "It's not the women who are doing the raping.".

Interesting, thank you.

This stuff doesn't start with a police press conference, it starts early on in life.

I agree but obviously some men don’t seem to get the message so maybe we should be teaching more of these things at school from an earlier age too.

The curfew sounds great but not realistic but I do think something needs to be done but I’m not sure what.

Many years ago in Israel there was a horrific number of rapes. The answer suggested by the (largely male) Israeli parliament was to set a curfew for women. The then Prime Minister, Golda Meir, said "It's not the women who are doing the raping."

Well done to the prime minister. Were the men given a curfew do you know?

@SquirmOfEels

l think we need to separate out the advice that might be said individually when there are fears that there is violent random attacker is in the area, and what police do more widely, and what needs to be done further

Yes this was what I was thinking.

But the responses to this thread have challenged the way I was think a bit. I particularly like the curfew idea - not as a practical idea but as a thought experiment that reveals something about what we think is ok for women to put up with.

Sadly I think whatever we do, whatever changes we make to society, women will be more at risk than men.

More men than women are killed by men, by quite a large percentage. Male violence is a problem for both sexes

Even more reason that males should have a curfew to protect women and males from other males.

There have been questions today along the lines of "what can men do?" Well, my suggestion is that, if walking along a quiet road at night and a man sees a women walking towards him, then he simply crosses the road. I know It's not fair, a man shouldn't have to do that, but if a man wants to make a difference then this would help. I think women have all had the experience of seeing someone walking towards them at night and just feeling the nervousness and then the relief when the moment is safely over.