To feel I’ve wasted lockdown?

[MacbookHo]

I’m a writer and I’ve always wanted to write a novel. During the first lockdown I joined a writing course, got amazing feedback, got accepted onto an advanced course - which cost £1,600 so I turned it down - and then did nothing.

For me, with teenage kids who managed their own workloads, lockdown has been a peaceful time where I could have easily written a LOT every day. But instead, I’ve watched TV, read books, written letters to friends, pottered about, started a blog that I didn’t pursue, started other courses that I didn’t finish... And achieved nothing.

Im really annoyed with myself. There aren’t many chances in your life to focus on a creative project with no distractions from the outside world. I had THREE chances but I blew them all.

I’m really sickened with myself.

@Sunhoop

The other people in your class are writers - i mean, did you not see yourself as a writer?

This has been a strange time to say the least. Although it appears to be a space to do something you want to do that space is undermined by an undercurrent of stress about what is happening and going to happen. The tv etc is an easy diversion. So dont be hard on yourself you are not alone.

@Pogostemon I am a single parent without family or ex involved. In all honesty I feel exactly the same about being overtired. I have a job to do and find making time for my art really tough. It's only now my DD is a bit older (8) that I have managed to get into some sort of rhythm of regularity.

However, the one thing I have found fabulously helpful, is the "mini bites" kind of theory I have.

Basically, give yourself 1-2 minutes to get a few words on a page, or draw a single sketch with ZERO pressure for it to be any good.

Try to do this daily, minimal time, just to get into the habit.

Eventually you will find this mini habit becomes more compelling and you move up to 5 minutes.

Really, it's just tiny bites to make a habit. Then another thing is when you look back on all the one minute writings or sketches a week or so later it helps fuel your inspiration to keep going and also your creative drive to get some sort of ongoing thing going on.

OP I would also highly recommend this approach if you're finding getting started difficult. 1 - 2 minute bursts, daily. That's IT!.

There's also a great book (sorry keep recommending them) by James Clear called Atomic Habits which basically explains this theory, however I've not yet finished reading it. But not sure if you need to read it if you just apply the 1 -2 minutes habit on a daily basis.

Most of us lead hectic lives, lockdown has been an opportunity for some to rest, catchup on sleep, catch up with friends.

I'm waiting to start a new job, I have three weeks to myself. Perhaps I should be running around redecorating the sitting room but I'm not. I'm relaxing because my last six months have been stressful.

You haven't wasted lockdown, you've been kind to yourself.

@MavisGallavanting - What do you think is the most important thing to do on a day-to-day basis and why that, instead of writing?

I think the issue might be that nobody is asking me to write a novel. So it feels to me a bit pushy to go, “Everyone! Please stop what you’re doing and read this.”

I used to write a column and every month I’d feel a bit uncomfortable submitting it unless they’d chased me for it or requested a specific idea (so I knew they definitely needed it).

The books I have written were all guides to doing something, so I felt they would help someone. The blog posts I finish are ones that I feel would be helpful.

The novel I’d like to write is just lighthearted, funny. Not helpful. Nobody is asking me to write it. I feel it’s a bit... pushy? Is that low self-esteem?

@Mintjulia I'm waiting to start a new job, I have three weeks to myself. Perhaps I should be running around redecorating the sitting room

At the very least! Plus organising your wardrobe, planning and prepping 6 months’ worth of healthy meals and tuning every evening. I mean, come ON.

😆

*running every evening. Not tuning. Unless you’re tuning into The Bold Type on Netflix which I highly recommend for wasting an hour.

OP - I'm going through similar at the moment! I'm transitioning from serving clients (creating stuff for them) into serving my own wants and needs (creating art) and it is a hell of a mindset shift because you're essentially becoming this boss which I am not used to!! And not an easy one. That guy pressfield has another book called "turning pro" which I think might have some info on making this shift of mindset. But again I've not read it (yet!) this is a timely reminder to do so!! Sorry I'll bow out now, I've probably given you too many book recommends... :) Best of luck op!

I agree that we’ve been hammered this year and a lot is coping. You’ve done that and as things free up you can start to write.

Do not feel bad.

Okay, my friend is a novelist. He doesn't show his work to anyone until he's finished it (he's published and successful, btw, so no drawer business or throat-clearing going on). Don't seek reassurance? I think that might be the best way to approach it? Don't get other people involved.

If you really want to write a novel, maybe adopt the bite size chunks approach. But also don't feel you have to announce it - puts less pressure on you and worrying about what people think about it.

It might also be good to ask whether what you enjoy is being helpful and how you can write the best book you can, doing that.

I do think there's too much pressure to write a novel. I honestly wouldn't do it unless i had something that interested me enough over two years that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Some people just write one without being conscious of the expenditure - usually young, confident, got a lot of time on their hands (that helps, although they are obviously very motivated because I certainly didn't have that self-discipline in my twenties).

Other genres can be satisfying!

i mean, if you have to tell your kids 'go away, i need to work', you don't have to tell them exactly what you're writing!

Give yourself a break op
I gave myself a long list of things to do during the lockdown; I was going to read more,
Exercise more, practise my French, take an online course. I did all of this in the first lockdown.

Since January, I have basically done nothing( apart from work)
I don’t even bother to beat myself up about it as I am just grateful to be alive having caught Covid ( bad case) in December .

We are still in lockdown, so you can start writing today. Even writing one page would be good

Don't beat yourself up. I am a writer (four books published) and I have written very little during lockdown (name changed in case agent is on here!). As a previous poster said, just getting through this pandemic has probably taken more mental energy than we all realise. I was also going to do the DIY, decorating etc. Nada.

Lots of writers struggle to actually get down to putting words on the page, you are very much not alone! Just keep going, even if you only put aside an hour or two a week. There is a writer called Maggie Stievater who wrote her first book by writing on her one free afternoon a week. She's now a bestseller.

If the course you were accepted on is one of the ones run by publishers/agents that I am thinking of then you have talent, so use that knowledge to bolster your self belief. There is only one thing stopping you writing, and that’s you.

Oh and just to add that most writers fit their writing in around work and family - not many can afford to write full time.

I totally understand where you are coming from. Feel similar.... my thing was to tidy our house etc.... 12 months on snd it’s worse than ever... which I find stressful on a daily basis and so annoyed with myself for not using time better. The only thing that makes me feel better is to think about the fact we’ve gotten through this awful time, and hopefully more positive times are around the corner.

Hi OP, I just wanted to say that my post sounds so harsh and I didn’t mean it to at all! It was meant to be more a gentle encouragement not too feel bad! I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking - it’s a good job I’m not a writer aye

Sorry OP I have just seen that you have written books before, but not novels, so I probably sounded really patronising there. Honestly, you really should go for it and write that novel. You said it's lighthearted, after the past year that's what a lot of us will want to read!

OP I'm glad you found that article helpful and I also think you've actually achieved a lot! First lockdown I was doing online Pilates, courses, making bread etc, this one, the most I've achieved is my highest ever score for one word in online Scrabble! ( 185 if anyone's interested )

The novel I’d like to write is just lighthearted, funny. Not helpful. Nobody is asking me to write it. I feel it’s a bit... pushy? Is that low self-esteem?
Maybe imposter syndrome. But people love lighthearted and funny! Done right it sells much better than Serious Prize-Winning books. “Fluffy” and “cosy” books are sneered at a bit but they’re what people want to read; and actually they’re just as difficult to write as literary fiction. Don’t mistake easy to read as easy to write!

@MacbookHo and @fabulousspider

This looks like a great conversation with some good idea, thanks, and I will be back later when I’m not working! (coffee break at present)

Start today, just go for it, keep in your mind that no one's gonna read it but you and that you're doing it for yourself. Just start, don't think about anything or anyone else for now you still have a few days of lockdown to start a habit of writing and who knows, maybe five years from now you'll have people leaving reviews on your book saying how much they loved it and how excited they are for your next one (Amazon will let you publish you're book for free btw as a paperback or digital edition)

@fabulousspider

I'm reading War of Art. And O.M.F.G. It's like an explosion in a lightbulb factory in my brain! How could I not have known about this book before? I can't thank you enough for telling me about it. I identify with everything, but this bit, this bit blew my mind (as they say in the 70s):

Resistance knows that the amateur composer will never write his symphony because he is overly invested in its success and overterrified of its failure. The amateur takes it so seriously it paralyzes him.
Pressfield, Steven. The War of Art (p. 70). Black Irish Entertainment LLC. Kindle Edition.

That is exactly what's happened.

I did this too, I set myself a three-month deadline for my novel, and immediately stopped writing anything:

Resistance outwits the amateur with the oldest trick in the book: It uses his own enthusiasm against him. Resistance gets us to plunge into a project with an overambitious and unrealistic timetable for its completion. It knows we can't sustain that level of intensity. We will hit the wall. We will crash.

Pressfield, Steven. The War of Art (p. 75). Black Irish Entertainment LLC. Kindle Edition.

Don't feel bad, OP. I'm a full time fiction author and while I am almost finished with writing a novel, writing it over the last year has been unbelievably hard. Like wading through cement.

You've had some excellent advice on this thread. You could also try the Pomodoro technique: set a timer for 25 minutes and just sit down and write. When the timer goes off, stop! It's really quite effective.

@SenecaTrewe

If it was the Curtis Brown course, you didn't miss much. I basically paid £1,600 to give other people feedback on their work, who then got literary agents from it when I didn't.

If there’s not a book in this ... there’s at least a song < passes lock down ukelele to Seneca > something bluesy.

Spent all my money, set off down the track,
Set up some others with my amazing feed back,
Alone in the void, I’m screaming out loud
Those literary agents, stole my lockdown crowd !