To feel I’ve wasted lockdown?

[MacbookHo]

I’m a writer and I’ve always wanted to write a novel. During the first lockdown I joined a writing course, got amazing feedback, got accepted onto an advanced course - which cost £1,600 so I turned it down - and then did nothing.

For me, with teenage kids who managed their own workloads, lockdown has been a peaceful time where I could have easily written a LOT every day. But instead, I’ve watched TV, read books, written letters to friends, pottered about, started a blog that I didn’t pursue, started other courses that I didn’t finish... And achieved nothing.

Im really annoyed with myself. There aren’t many chances in your life to focus on a creative project with no distractions from the outside world. I had THREE chances but I blew them all.

I’m really sickened with myself.

@2020BogOff This is so true. I wish I knew how to set effective, motivating, self-imposed deadlines.

Oh, god, most writers I know (I’m one) have struggled with productivity during the pandemic. Don’t underestimate the mental toll it takes, living through this extraordinary shake up of normal life.

That said, the best writing mantras I know are: some words, most days (vs setting word count goals daily). And: you can’t edit a blank page.

I find first drafts utter torture and it takes me years to shit out enough words. Then I edit multiple drafts in a matter of weeks. Maybe you’re one of those writers. Can’t find out though if you don’t get started.

Nb writing courses are bollocks, just write the damn thing and query some agents.

@Norwaydidnthappen

My DH always says you obviously didn’t want something that badly if you didn’t make it happen and that’s probably true. Don’t kick yourself, there’s absolutely no point. It’s over now, you can’t hit a rewind button. If you’re a writer. surely you have all the time in the world to write anyway...

My DH says that too, and sometimes it makes me want to scream.

People who say this are usually very single minded ( or selfish) and I’m not. It doesn’t make me a worse person than someone who is.

I have spent thirty years not writing my novel. It’s not because I Don’t Want It Enough. It’s largely because I’m so tired after working, looking after DH and kids, laundry, enabling everyone else, that i don’t have the brain space.

I'm not sure whether this is reassuring, but I'm a fiction writer (with a good agent) and feel the same. I got an oldish story published in a good mag, one anthologised, and a few (paid — never work unpaid) reviews in prestigious pubs done. I worked full-time during this. To be clear, i don't want to write a novel, but a few more stories should have been manageable...

I also worked out a lot of personal things that I don't think would have become clear while doing the commute etc, and working until late and panicking about my word count during the weekend. This is partly why people do retreats - sometimes you need to strip things to their bare bones and work out how you work.

It's true - I don't think I'll ever have this time again but I will know how to use the time ahead much much better, hopefully.

Also, writing courses aren't bollocks. I did an MA at probably the best known place for it in the UK - invaluable. I did a short course just before the pandemic with lots of less experienced writers, just looking at short stories, and they reminded me how to read again! That's just as important.

Writing novels takes a lot of mental endurance and discipline. Most people don't realise how much, or maybe they do and that's why 99/100 people who WANT to write a book never will. Point is, if you're the sort of person who leaves things half finished, you probably won't succeed in finishing a novel. And that's okay, it's a hobby for utter obsessives, don't feel bad for not doing it in lockdown.

@macbookho I'm glad you found the intro chapter useful! Def get the book - and what I have also found really helped me to "concretise" the info from the book and the theories was to listen to podcasts and interviews with the man himself. Somehow the spoken word has a different way of sinking into my brain.

There's a mini course about the book in the form of short 5 min interviews here which makes it easy to digest and helps it sink in:

soundcloud.com/user-30055175

There's also a recent interview with tim ferriss and the author on youtube that's well worth a listen (among other interviews with him!).

And yes get the book!

and he also touches upon writing big things like novels in some of the interviews, I can't remember which but I think the tim ferriss one, he has some good advice :)

@fabulousspider The book is bought and waiting on my kindle! Thank you so much. I love self-help books but I’d never even heard of this one. It might be The One that finally works!

@MavisGallavanting - did you do the UEA Creative Writing MA? I’d love to do that. I’d love love LOVE to do that.

@Eteri - so true. I hadn’t quite grasped how hard/complex/layered/hard/intricate/hard and just hard novels were until I did the first course. Previously I’d been a bit snooty about “bad” novels - now my hat goes off to anyone who even makes it to the words “the end”.

I’m a non-fiction writer who does best writing other people’s ideas, on tiny deadlines, about my favourite subject, for a friendly team of people. None of that sounds like a novelist, does it. Bugger. It was always my Plan B. Now I feel I don’t have a Plan B.

I’ve written 7 other books. Non fiction. I wrote best, and most productively, when I was pregnant - it gave me a short deadline, and a real sense that I HAD to finish it because I wouldn’t have time afterwards. Maybe I just need to get knocked-up again. 🤔

Yes, I did that course! Just apply. Someone told me (before I applied) that about a third of applications will be completely awful (as with any course), so you're dealing with far less competition than you'd think. That was the only way I could persuade myself to apply and not think it would be a resounding knock to my ego to not get in...

Didn't quite make sense there - but basically there's much chance of getting in than you think, even though it is insanely competitive...That's what I meant, haha.

@Pogostemon I have spent thirty years not writing my novel. It’s not because I Don’t Want It Enough. It’s largely because I’m so tired after working, looking after DH and kids, laundry, enabling everyone else, that i don’t have the brain space.

I’m like this, and so is my mum. I wonder why we’re like this? Other women get up at 5am to write, instead of pushing it to the bottom of their To Do list. There’s more to this. Fear? Guilt?

I think this lazy lockdown has shown me that it’s NOT time that’s a barrier. So I guess it’s good that I’ve learned that... 😆 One excuse down.

Maybe you might like that War of Art book that fabulousspider suggested? I’ve bought it and honestly, it resonates.

If you want anyone to support you abd cheer you on, I’m here. We could motivate each other?

Books and courses are great to grasp the theory and technical aspects of the craft but beyond that a lot of it is procrastination. I actually left an MA at a very good university after the first semester as it took away from my writing time/was a distraction (a LOT of time was spent reading and critiquing other peoples work which was a drain). Once I left I got straight back into my groove. Just write! Write, write, write.

At the start of the firs lockdown, I wrote a few “goals”, none earth shattering. Felt good when I could do them.
This time round, I didn’t write that list. All I had in mind was doing couch to 5k, which I’m on track for. I’ve been homeschooling, general DIY, but nothing much. I regret not writing that list this time round.

But in reality with homeschooling and work odds and ends there’s not been huge amount more Time than I would otherwise have.

When I say "other people's work" I mean classmates not published authors.

@MavisGallavanting I’d love to apply. Did you go and live there? That’s what I’d love most but kids, DH, etc...

@sunhoop

If it's a good course, then you're critiquing people who could get get published. That's a chance you'll never get in the local writing group, more than likely (the chance is far lower anyway).

It doesn't work for everyone - but put it this way, the only literary novel writers I know with careers have been on courses or have close first readers who have been on courses.

But sure, there's the odd maverick. It's never a waste of time to read and learn from people at the same stage though.

@Sunhoop but beyond that a lot of it is procrastination — 😂 That’s almost definitely the reason I took the first courses! I’m glad I did as they were really helpful, but it was probably subconsciously a case of, how can I put off writing this novel for a bit longer?

I did live there, but there's a lot of funding. Tbh, probably not worth going if you can't live there. There's a course at most universities now.

This post is full of very astute observations and encouragement. I have enjoyed reading and resonating with it.

I’m conscious that I haven’t replied uk everyone yet, but honestly - if you posted one this thread then you have helped me. Every single post has contained something that’s made me think differently, or feel better. Thank you all so much.

@MacbookHo I just want to say - I don't think the issue is procrastination. I think it's about working out what's stopping you? What do you think is the most important thing to do on a day-to-day basis and why that, instead of writing?

This post is full of very astute observations and encouragement.

Isn’t it?! That opening post was the most productive thing I’ve written all lockdown in terms of getting help, advice and support!

I hope all my fellow Lazy Lockdown Lamenters are feeling equally boosted.