AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

@FreekStar

I'm pretty sure a person can't die from being near a dairy product or even from being touched by another child who has it on their hands. A rash maybe, but death? Surely they'd have to eat the dairy for this to happen?

Not true. Dairy allergies can be on contact and airbourne and can cause anaphylaxis. Many CMPA sufferers carry epipen's

Maybe get in touch with your county council and check what their guidelines are regarding school meals and allergies. They will have a policy on their website which all schools , in that county, should be adhering to.

Level32
That's a good plan. Our caterers do something similar, and one students I taught had a serious nut allergy so they went in early to have their lunch and took a friend with them.

OP I think you're being good giving them another week, but do raise it if there's no improvement. Whilst there's lots going on in schools at the moment, it's not ok for children to be going hungry.

Milk is the 3rd most common food - after peanuts and tree nuts to cause anaphylaxis.
www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Milk-Allergy-2019.pdf

@StellaAndCrow

This thread has been useful for highlighting to more people how serious milk allergies can be. I had no idea until recently - I assumed the problem would be if milk products were eaten or drunk. Then a friend showed me a photo of their baby when they'd had a tiny splash of milk on their hand - the baby's whole hand was swollen and red, just from a little splash. I had no idea before that.

I read somewhere that it was one of the most common causes of anaphylaxis in young children, more than other allergens. I can't find the source now or I would quote it.

It is very difficult to read some of the other comments here. My child is severely allergic to more than ten foods and every day is so difficult. He is too young to understand right now and it can be quite stressful. Going to the park and seeing other children eating and wiping their hands on the play equipment. Hearing the ice cream truck and knowing that one day I will have to explain to him why he can never have any. Why he can't do so many things that most people take for granted. Reading every single food wrapper and then rereading so we haven't missed anything. Finding out that our "safe foods" are no longer safe because they have changed the recipe or the factory. Meticulously cooking every meal and every snack from scratch only to have him develop a new allergy. Seeing my child physically ill from food that I carefully cooked for him, that I fed him. The pandemic has been a walk in the park compared to our daily life with allergies.

I am sorry that he has allergies. I am sorry if that inconveniences someone. I am sorry if one day he is in school with your child and you find it inconvenient or upsetting. I find it upsetting. It has turned our world upside down and I would do anything to take it away.

I know that nut allergies can be airborne but lactose allergy?! How much of the milk/cheese would end up in the air? Sorry if im being terribly ignorant about the whole thing but ive never heard of this before

I think the child with the allergy should bring a packed lunch.

If they have to eat in a separate room that is really really sad and I feel sorry for them but I don't think the other children should be forced to eat vegan meals.

It's a tough one.

Now I see I should read the whole thread. Sorry

@Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady

I know that nut allergies can be airborne but lactose allergy?! How much of the milk/cheese would end up in the air? Sorry if im being terribly ignorant about the whole thing but ive never heard of this before

I think the child with the allergy should bring a packed lunch.

If they have to eat in a separate room that is really really sad and I feel sorry for them but I don't think the other children should be forced to eat vegan meals.

It's a tough one.

Lactose has got nothing to do with a milk allergy. Lactose is a sugar in milk. Lactose free products are not safe for a person with a milk allergy because they still contain milk.

@Holly381 that must be so difficult and very scary as a parent. I have an allergy that can be life threatening which is bad enough but i would absolutely hate if i had to worry about this with my DC too.

I agree, I also don’t eat dairy and you can pretty much just do what you would normally do with vegan marg and a plant based milk

There was this tragic case of a boy dying from cheese being “flicked” onto him at school www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/may/02/boy-with-allergy-died-cheese-flicked-at-him-london-inquest-told

The fact that so many of you think that a child should eat alone or be home schooled (!) or just, you know, just suck it up and risk a horrible death through anaphylaxis, rather than deprive your own precious darlings of the Sacred School Milk to Which They Are Entitled, would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Some kids stay in the same class throughout the entirety of primary. It's definitely not fair if the kids need to eat vegan for the rest of their time at this school because of one child.

@Wroxie

The fact that so many of you think that a child should eat alone or be home schooled (!) or just, you know, just suck it up and risk a horrible death through anaphylaxis, rather than deprive your own precious darlings of the Sacred School Milk to Which They Are Entitled, would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Agree. Very depressing isn’t it

.

You and the other parents could take this as an opportunity to teach your own children about kindness and generosity and give them the opportunity to make a (small, painless) sacrifice to include and protect another child. That would be infinitely more valuable to their growth and development than a daily carton of milk and a bit of cheese on a jacket potato.

@Pepperminttea16 some dc & people can't tolerate soya or lentils or .endless list
what happens than?
& note they are not telling parents who have sandwiches not to give their dc dairy products
It is seriously - keeping dc separate from others who have dairy products & serving them dairy free food packed & cooked separately
actually if it were my dc & they were that sensitive they would be coming home for lunch if at all possible to keep them safe

I don't understand why the school just don't cook dairy-free meals, there's no need for them to be vegan

Dairy free does not mean vegan. Have school informed you of this or are you hearing second hand from your child?

Lots of superb options for children to have which they tend to like.

@Pepperminttea16

I agree, I also don’t eat dairy and you can pretty much just do what you would normally do with vegan marg and a plant based milk

I can't see a school doing this though.

I have sympathies on both sides but I think children on FSM and milk are provided with these because they are at risk of malnutrition without them. I'm not sure the school can legally remove the milk if they are legally entitled to it.

This isn't like banning nuts on a flight this is vulnerable children's daily nutrition for their entire time at that school.

The school needs to think up an alternative plan that meets the needs of all children, not just one.

@Wroxie

The fact that so many of you think that a child should eat alone or be home schooled (!) or just, you know, just suck it up and risk a horrible death through anaphylaxis, rather than deprive your own precious darlings of the Sacred School Milk to Which They Are Entitled, would be funny if it weren't so sad.

There's a reason school milk was brought in. And it wasn't about preciousness.

If the school was removing one item such as nuts or strawberries then I’d say fair enough. But I don’t think it’s acceptable to remove dairy as an entire food group, and then also remove meat and eggs too for no reason at all. Many children rely on school meals as their main food source and they need to have balanced meals including all food groups. That goes for the child with the allergy too, who presumably can eat meat and eggs.

In this case I do think it would be fairer if the pupil with the allergy ate lunch in a separate classroom, perhaps accompanied by a couple of friends who take turns to eat with him. It’s not fair to restrict the diets of a large number of children in this way.

Things that don't contain milk and are commonly eaten in schools

Curries (meat or veg) and Rice
Baked potatoes and Beans (fair enough no cheese)
Fish and Chips
Burgers
Spag Bowls
Chili con carne
Cottage Pie
Shepherds Pie
Single Pie (as long as it's not a cream version)
Chicken Nuggets
Fish fingers
Roast Dinners (multiple varieties)
Pasta
Pasta Bake
Salads
Breakfast for Dinner

@HedgeSparrows

I am so sad to see the awful replies on this thread - "the child with allergies should be home schooled", "the child with allergies should eat on their own". Nasty, horrible, prejudiced, inconsiderate people. How about having some consideration for that poor child who already has a difficult life, what with the threat of having a severe allergic reaction, which presumably may present a threat to their life, and having to restrict their own diet and lifestyle already. How about think of the actual victim here rather than self self self. Do you think that poor child chose this? That they enjoy being unable to eat the same as others? That they like being constantly anxious every time they eat something? That they like being excluded from class treats/parties/and no doubt play dates.

It's not the same but my DS has Coeliac disease (not an allergy or an intolerance, but an autoimmune disease). It's not life threatening in the short term (risk of bowel cancer in the long term) but it has caused him such pain and anguish. The tiniest crumb of gluten causes Coeliacs to be extremely ill for a week - diarrhoea and vomiting, stomach pain so bad he is unable to think of anything else, bad headache, feeling ill like he has the flu.
He was diagnosed age 12 and suddenly there were so many foods he could never, ever eat again. No one invites him round for meals, he can't just pop out for a McDonalds/KFC etc (pre-COVID), eating out at cafes is very limited, family complain how inconvenient it is to host gatherings if he comes, birthday parties he is left sitting there with no food.
It would be a million times worse with a severe allergy.

Just think of other, more vulnerable children first. Think how hard their lives are already.
Your healthy children are already advantaged. They can go home and eat what they want. They aren't at risk of dying if they eat the wrong thing. They aren't sidelined.
Think what it's like to be the parent of a child with a severe allergy. Imagine you have to face the very real possibility of your child dying, actually dying, just because some selfish parents want their child to eat whatever they want.

👏👏👏

Dairy free doesn’t mean vegan! There’s no reason why they can’t offer a wide range of foods. What are they actually offering him? Please email the school and ask for clarification.