AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

The school have not only removed cows milk, they are also not offering alternative milks and they’ve removed all meat and eggs. That’s not acceptable. It’s very easy to cook without cows milk. It sounds like the school have had a knee jerk reaction and they’re not necessarily conforming to guidelines

My DS has various allergies. At nursery I've seen him on his own little table whilst all the other kids are at the main one, it's slightly disappointing for him but I have no problem with it and realise everyone needs to be able to eat appropriately and safely.

Also surely veggie options are more likely to be dairy heavy (i think you said it's mostly veggie and some days vegan)? As veggie options are normally some sort of mushroom cheese thing whereas meat, pasta and veg is more likely to be DF?

@gallbladderpain yes there are, I buy them for DH. They're considerably more expensive.

This all seems a bit OTT on the reaction front from some posters...schools have been back for a maximum of 3 days and this is a new child, there could be many reasons for the rubbish vegan meals.

Perhaps the caterers need a week to use up old stores or update menus to be appropriate.

Perhaps the school thought that they would give it a week or 2 for the new kid to make some friends and then at the end of that time he may move to packed lunches and some pals may be asked if they want to sit with him after they have eaten.

Perhaps they really are just rubbish and haven't thought this through properly and need some complaints to prompt better action.

OP, contact the school and ask if your son has it right and check if this is a long term solution or what they actually plan to do.

I get that it's crap but I cannot believe this is the longer term solution, it must surely be a short term stop gap.

I manage to be cows milk free and still eat meat. I think their being very knee jerk making them all vegan.

I am so sad to see the awful replies on this thread - "the child with allergies should be home schooled", "the child with allergies should eat on their own".
Nasty, horrible, prejudiced, inconsiderate people.
How about having some consideration for that poor child who already has a difficult life, what with the threat of having a severe allergic reaction, which presumably may present a threat to their life, and having to restrict their own diet and lifestyle already.
How about think of the actual victim here rather than self self self.
Do you think that poor child chose this? That they enjoy being unable to eat the same as others? That they like being constantly anxious every time they eat something? That they like being excluded from class treats/parties/and no doubt play dates.

It's not the same but my DS has Coeliac disease (not an allergy or an intolerance, but an autoimmune disease). It's not life threatening in the short term (risk of bowel cancer in the long term) but it has caused him such pain and anguish. The tiniest crumb of gluten causes Coeliacs to be extremely ill for a week - diarrhoea and vomiting, stomach pain so bad he is unable to think of anything else, bad headache, feeling ill like he has the flu.
He was diagnosed age 12 and suddenly there were so many foods he could never, ever eat again. No one invites him round for meals, he can't just pop out for a McDonalds/KFC etc (pre-COVID), eating out at cafes is very limited, family complain how inconvenient it is to host gatherings if he comes, birthday parties he is left sitting there with no food.
It would be a million times worse with a severe allergy.

Just think of other, more vulnerable children first. Think how hard their lives are already.
Your healthy children are already advantaged. They can go home and eat what they want. They aren't at risk of dying if they eat the wrong thing. They aren't sidelined.
Think what it's like to be the parent of a child with a severe allergy. Imagine you have to face the very real possibility of your child dying, actually dying, just because some selfish parents want their child to eat whatever they want.

@HedgeSparrows

I agree with most of what you are saying except for this bit...

Just think of other, more vulnerable children first. Think how hard their lives are already.
Your healthy children are already advantaged.

Lots of the most vulnerable kids receive FSM and this mag be their only healthy hot meal of the day so this shouldn’t be restricted to a vegan diet.

I’m unsure why the school can’t include meat at least?

This thread has been useful for highlighting to more people how serious milk allergies can be. I had no idea until recently - I assumed the problem would be if milk products were eaten or drunk. Then a friend showed me a photo of their baby when they'd had a tiny splash of milk on their hand - the baby's whole hand was swollen and red, just from a little splash. I had no idea before that.

[quote Beseigedbykillersquirrels]@ItsMarch - but what about the serious risk any of the other 29 children in the class could potentially be in if they aren't eating proper balanced, nutritious meals at all? We've already seen a return of previously thought old-fashioned conditions in children such as rickets due to long term malnutrition. Children need bellies full of nutritious meals in order to thrive and do their best in school. This one child's rights do not trump any other child's.[/quote]
There's absolutely no reason that the children can't have a well balanced diet for their one meal a day at school, they just need to do a better job than they currently are

I do appreciate it must be terribly hard for those with serious allergies or an autoimmune disease but for some of the children on fsm this is their one nutritious meal of the day and they need protein and calcium in a form that they are going to eat. There must be a balance between competing needs in there somewhere, no?

[quote frubr]@gallbladderpain yes there are, I buy them for DH. They're considerably more expensive.[/quote]
Well isn't that up to the government ? Theres a lot of money wasted on other things....i'm pretty sure spending a few extra quid on alternative milk won't make the country bankrupt.
My DC hasn't been able to start YR yet due to other issues (covid) but in the little time they had in preschool they used alternative milk for drinking and cooking. I offered to pay towards it, because I know it costs more to cater for a dairy free diet....but they wouldn't hear tell of it, said it was no issue at all and it was something they had dealt with many times over the years so nothing new to them either.

You need to talk to the school.

Whilst no child should suffer due to allergies, it's not right that other children have to go without as a result.

The scales need to balance both ways.

Some allergies are very serious and very scary and this is a child we are talking about here. A child who has started a new school and people are suggesting they eat alone or be homeschooled. Lovely imagine if it were your child.

Some allergies are airborne and it is likely they are worried about cross contaminating food so vegan option will be more reliably safe. Also touch points can be an issue as well if it is transferred from one child's hands to a surface that is then touched by the allergic child.

However this doesn't seem like an ideal solution from the school. It is likely that current covid restrictions are making this more difficult with people having to be bubbled and lunches being staggered. Contacting the school and asking how long this is likely to continue and sending your child in with food sounds reasonable. The school should be coming up with a better long term solution.

Even if the school includes meat, it still leaves vegetarian children without a decent option as they often get a lot of their protein from cheese, milk or yogurt.

So from having spoken to a couple of other parents it seems that the one normal option is usually practically gone by the time my sons class get there, as I said before he usually goes in last. So he would then go for veggie option but they usually contain some cheese, that option has been taken away and they're just left with the vegan which he doesn't like.

I've changed my mind and decided to leave it to next week to email the school as most of you pointed out it could only be a temporary situation.

I wouldn't of been as bothered if the school had informed us of this change.

I would never want that child to feel horrible for something completely out of his control, I mostly wanted to know how other schools deal with it.

I'm a coeliac and I think this is highly unacceptable..

@worriesabout

Also school milk isn’t free after 5 Families on low incomes get healthy start vouchers though for milk fruit and veg so they can supply their children with milk if needed at home

It’s free if the child is on FSM! (Free to the child anyway... school pays fir it over the age if 5).

"Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch."

They actually can't insist you pay for things you don't want or use, that is extortion. Tell them tough unless they sort out an appropriate lunch option.

This can't be the way that this sort of situation is usually managed!

Regarding the Milk, if you are paying for it then, they need to give the children milk. If you are receiving it as free school milk, then the school need to provide this or you can report them for not providing it. Speak to the school about it.

Dairy free shouldn't automatically mean vegan - I'd broach it with the head. My two had (luckily not so severe) cows milk allergies and it's stressful and frustrating trying to micromanage everything to make sure they don't get hold of an allergen. I guess the no dairy is fair in the same sense most schools are nut free due to allergies. But definitely air your concern and the school and catering team should be able to come up with a better menu

dd2 along with other issues had severe eczema

she never had school lunches because I didn't feel they could cope so I sent her packed lunches with her
perhaps the dc could eat in the classroom & get separate special meal delivered? & if the dc in her class could drink their milk elsewhere in the school?
DD was allergic to cow milk & soya (amongst other things the list was endless -she grew out of it thank goodness eventually)She use to have instant & spectacular reactions -
thank goodness for goat milk!

@LadyDanburysCane not in our LA it’s only fsm and fruit up to year 3
Milk is free till 5 then it’s a choice pay for it but it’s not free for those in fsm here

@wingingitk15

So from having spoken to a couple of other parents it seems that the one normal option is usually practically gone by the time my sons class get there, as I said before he usually goes in last. So he would then go for veggie option but they usually contain some cheese, that option has been taken away and they're just left with the vegan which he doesn't like.

I've changed my mind and decided to leave it to next week to email the school as most of you pointed out it could only be a temporary situation.

I wouldn't of been as bothered if the school had informed us of this change.

I would never want that child to feel horrible for something completely out of his control, I mostly wanted to know how other schools deal with it.

As a parent of a child with allergies. I wouldn't say don't approach the school over this, I think you should do because there should be plenty of scope for the menu to be basically the same as it always was before minus the cheesy meals (its hard to find decent dairy free cheese) but there is absolutely no need at all for only vegan meals. Out of my children the DF child has a much more varied diet than the other who is just an incredibly fussy eater. I think there is very very few things, so much so that I can't even think off the top of my head, that we have struggled to make dairy free with very little hassle and additional cost.

[quote worriesabout]@LadyDanburysCane not in our LA it’s only fsm and fruit up to year 3
Milk is free till 5 then it’s a choice pay for it but it’s not free for those in fsm here[/quote]
Oh, sorry. I thought it was a DfE level rule not LA. I’ve only worked in two LAs and we’ve always had to pay for milk forFSM children who want it.

I'm pretty sure a person can't die from being near a dairy product or even from being touched by another child who has it on their hands. A rash maybe, but death? Surely they'd have to eat the dairy for this to happen?