AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

It's not ideal to separate children with severe food allergies from their classmates, but I think it's better to do that than to drastically limit everyone else's meal choices. I'd do what I could to make the child happy and comfortable with the situation (make it clear to everyone why it was happening and that it wasn't a punishment, maybe have a rotation of friends to join them, if they agreed to eat an approved meal), but I don't think eating separately has to be that bad.

Tbh I’m vegan but wouldn’t be amused. My son has a very limited diet due to additional needs and when at school (now home Ed) he lived on cheese sandwiches as he often couldn’t eat other options.

There is zero chance this will last. Literally zero. Even the most selfless and understanding of parents will kick off.

I would argue that they are limiting students' Vitamin D. Most vegans take supplements for this. Dairy shouldn't exclude eggs or vegetable fats or meats. A JP with beans and salad has no dairy. Fish and chips with peas is dairy free. The school classic roast dinner in dairy free. Most bread is dairy free these days too. I think the school have a limited understanding of nutrition.

I thought fish was made from batter?

This supposed level of severity in allergies is absolutely ridiculous and bonkers. Find me one case study of a child who died or had to be intubated because they were in a room with dairy products -- without touching or eating them. Really, now. I mean it. If it's a thing that happens, you'll be able to find the case studies on Google Scholar.

Many "allergy moms" either have anxiety that is leading them to exaggerate severity, or have received bad information. A few may even be attention-seeking. The number of children I have heard moms say cannot be in a room with x allergen is staggering, and yet the medical literature is simply lacking examples and case studies of this being a serious threat.

I'd find it really hard to send my child to school if they had a potentially fatal food allergy. So many variables with hundreds of kids. Not sure the benefits would outweigh the risk.
Agree that the school should mimic the real world experience as much as possible to help the child manage their condition. So, yes, unfortunately, they should be the one who has the different routine rather than everyone else changing for them. Otherwise, isn't it a burden on the child, feeling that everyone is changing for them? As a PP said, they'd feel terrible if they knew everyone in a restaurant was doing that for their allergy.

@mumwon

I thought fish was made from batter?

Errm, no. It's made from fish.

@Nith do you mean that the fish in fish & chips doesn't have batter on it?

Loving the responses on here. Wow. Having been a mother to children with similar allergies I totally understand why this has to happen. One child’s life on the life compared to your child’s discomfort. Luckily the law falls on the side of the child with the allergy and the school has to accommodate them. The lack of empathy, the sheer nastiness and stupidity here is pretty disgusting. I wouldn’t wish allergies on any child/person. You should be incredibly grateful your child as the privilege of choice.

And the blaming the Mums for anxiety and over reacting. You utter morons. Clearly you haven’t hours at Great airman’s street for years and biopsies but hey you have ‘googled it’ - you’re vile and rotten the lot of you. I’m not sure I’ve ever been completely appalled on a MN thread before.

@winniestone37

Oh give over. There needs to be a sensible, rational approach and it doesn’t sound like the school’s solution fits the bill. The needs of all the children need to be considered, not just the child with the allergy. Compromises required by everyone.

Yes, while I'm really sorry for the child and his parents - I can't imagine the tension you must always be dealing with, knowing that at any moment, a slip up could see your child dying of anaphylaxis - I think this is a crap situation.

It's an impasse though, really. You can't say the child can't attend the school, and you have to safeguard him, so the other children have to put up with the limited food options.

Personally though, I think they'd need to say he had to eat at home or something. Or at least, in a separate room with a couple of friends who weren't eating, to keep him company. Hopefully it'll be an allergy he grows out of.

@winniestone37 - we all have our own children's best interests at heart. My child has allergies, none life threatening as yet and hopefully it stays that way as it's enough of a ballache as it is. It's a constant worry when she's not with me. However, I would not be happy for all the other children in her class to not be able to have school dinners they will eat and not be allowed to bring in a packed lunch just so she could eat a school dinner. I would (I do) provide my child with all their food and not leave it in the hands of a school and catering company who don't seem to know what the hell they are doing. I would be more concerned about her long term friendship prospects after all the other children realising that she was the reason for all these restrictions/them going hungry when it could be their only decent meal of the day than her having to eat a packed lunch on a different table/in a different room for 15 minutes a day. She might also have to leave her peers for physio or speech therapy or booster classes, as many children with additional needs do, for their own benefit, for a similar amount of time. I would be no more inclined to insist that the whole class joined in her speech therapy/physio sessions than I would to insist the whole class doesn't get to eat a decent meal at lunchtime because of her allergies/additional needs. The school has not handled this well at all.

I would kick up a fuss!! Mine wouldn't eat vegan either.
It's unfair on the rest of the class that can no longer have milk and can't eat their choice of lunch. It's ridiculous if they think this vegan only option will work! Speak to the teacher and clarify is this really the case, if so give your child pack lunch regardless of the schools stupid rules.
There's a child in my dc class that has nut allergy, the only thing they've banned is chocolate spread or anything else that has nuts in it. I didn't realise once that I had given dc a cake snack which contained hazelnut, he was allowed to have it still, he had to sit outside the classroom and eat it, a note was sent with him for me just asking that I dont send it again.

Maybe a suggestion that the child with allergy can sit on a separate table away from everyone else with a teacher. I know it's not ideal but neither is giving horrible food to children whose parents have paid

His allergy sounds life threatening, however I think they have been a bit extreme. Dairy free does not = vegan. There are options. Sausages. Chicken. Fish. Etc.

If you can do a packed lunch, I would ask them if your child can bring one, otherwise he will not eat what is on offer.

Basically it is an organisation problem... And lack of thinking. As a pp said they could send that class in first so they got two choices. Or let them swap to packed lunch.

another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies.

I think the school is being totally unreasonable and is failing the majority of its pupils.
This school is not appropriate for that pupil's special needs, if it can't make better provision than this for all its pupils.

my 15 month grand daughter ,has sever reaction to milk and eggs .we have her 2 days a week ,we give her soya milk she has sausage rolls(vegan) veg nuggets. she has rice pasta etc ,sausages ,I cant taste the Dif in the sausage rolls ,there are loads of variety .all fresh veg the school could easily sort it,

we also make cauliflower cheese macaroni cheese ,using free from stuff.there is loads of choices most people would not know its vegan if they were not told.maybe the parent shd bring lunch in for the child.x

I’m sorry, but this child can’t be in the same room as a dairy product? I find that hard to believe. Not so with say, peanuts, that do have a bit of dust in the packet etc, but cheese, milk etc? Absolutely understand keeping the child’s food away from food surfaces that have been in contact with dairy, but this all seems like a huge over reaction.

My oldest went to 4 year old preschool with a boy who was allergic to Eggs, legumes, nuts, dairy and Gluten.
We were asked if we could please not feed our children the items he had contact anaphylactic to for breakfast on preschool days (Eggs, legumes and nuts), all kids and adults had to wash their hands as soon as they arrived and to avoid putting his main allergens in packed lunches. (His food was in a seperate fridge to all of the others)