AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

@wingingitk15

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

in response (not just to your post, but to some comments too! ) I just so wish I could PM you ! I am a primary school catering manager, I also visit many kitchens and train the cooks, new and old should they need it! I have had extensive 25+ years experience in education catering across both secondary and most recently primary I have a 6 year old who is in year 2 , currently on UFSM and if anyone thinks I will be making him packed lunches come year 3 , you are as deluded as my DH!

I am appalled by the basic lack of both information and training that the school seems to have with regard to allergens.
It may be that the LA that I work for is particularly excellent or that the caterer that your school uses is particularly useless!

In my day to day experience even of severe allergies this situation is ridiculous

there are a couple of obligatory points here but please bear with me !

1: Has the school had medical confirmation in writing from a consultant to confirm that this allergy is "airborne" ...this is a "standard" thing to have this medical confirmation in my LA schools as otherwise children with particularly "fussy" parents sometimes say that DD is allergic to onions so to avoid their child not eating something that otherwise would have onions in it as standard (eg spag bol) Trust me this happens !

2: All schools generally have a no nuts policy, all the "margarine/butter" that WE use is dairy free anyway and other than cheese and drinking milk and the odd spot of milk powder in maybe 1 variant of cake nothing has dairy in it
This is easily got around if the allergy proves valid

3: Eggs are not dairy .......... the number of people that seem to think they are is amazing!

4: All meals have an allergy list (or should have ) up in the kitchen, it is easily accessed by every member of the catering team to quickly check each meal and its allergens

I've run out of things to say atm as I am astonished tbh .... surely this child cant even vist a supermarket/shop live a normal life if
My heart goes out to them if so

THis is appalling.

I am surprised with such a severe allergy that the child does not have separate lunches at home and eat separately and then play together.

As child gets over another child can accompany the child from time to time if they are willing to have a strict diet that lunchtime.

Vegan foods don't work for a lot of other allergies.

Absolutely unacceptable to inflict one child's restricted diet on a whole class.
Other kids will have likes and dislikes and certain food they prefer. Can they never have these again in school?

If this child needs to be kept away from certain products they should be accommodated by eating in another room along with a couple of friends who are eating a meal that won't affect them.

We had this situation at a school locally. A child with a severe dairy and I believe soy allergy was in the class. All children here bring packed lunch (not in UK). It caused huge issues. They stuck with it for a period of time and then had to abandon it and let the child eat alone, it was impossible to police.

And ofcourse the school has to allow packed lunches changes - what if another child develops and allergy and can't have some vegan food.

The whole thing sounds ridiculous but yes ofcourse some people have very severe milk allergies.

Sorry I mean the child eats alone and as they get older they invite a trusted friend whose parents know about the allergy and are able to accommodate that from time to time.

I would not want someone with severe allergies eating with everyone anyhow and in a space, yes there is a chance that the room is not cleared or cleaned properly before change over.

Depends if you’re more bothered about your child having a ‘normal’ meal or the other child potentially going into anaphylactic shock. My son has an epi pen and I can’t tell you how scary it is to have a child with an allergy that could kill them, especially when they are in places like schools, nurseries etc that may mean they come across these allergens much more easily. If it bothers you / him that much then send a packed lunch and tell the school the reason why.

I've only read the first page of responses but a long time ago (in the 70s) when dinosaurs roamed the earth, my school dinners were just one option and if you didn't want what was on offer you went hungry (the same as at home to be honest).

I have absolutely no recollection of anyone having food allergies back then, other than myself but my allergies weren't that severe, I had to consume the offending food for it to have any effect.

My thing is that the children who brought sandwiches were seated in the same hall but were segregated, even non-food situations, if a child was of a different religious denomination they were segregated during assemblies.

Generally I don't agree with segregation but in this instance, on a short-term basis, if I were the school I'd be sitting this child in a separate room so that they may eat safely, maybe allow a friend who's not having anything dairy related to eat with them until another option can be put in place for them.

I understand that allergies can be very severe but the other children should not be penalised because one child has a health condition!

@CuteBear

I have coeliac disease and milk allergy (not airborne) and I would NEVER want others to be forced into eating the same meal as me. I don’t understand why the new child can’t have a packed lunch? Why force other children to have a vegan meal? Veganism is very restrictive, especially for children. Skipping meals isn’t good for children’s physical development and concentration.

It's not what the kid is eating, it's the environment that means everyone else has to eat non-dairy because the allergy is to even airborne particles

@YukoandHiro - it's only natural that you'll be worried about your DD starting school, but not all schools are as bad as the ones described on this thread. My DS who is 15 now has multiple allergies including dairy and egg and we have never had an accidental exposure to any of his allergens at either primary or secondary school. Both schools have been great both in terms of his safety and inclusion.
At primary school the headmistress always had a stash of safe treats in her desk in case anyone brought something in for birthdays etc that he couldn't have, but actually most of his friends' parents remembered and sent something suitable. In fact I sometimes found it quite embarrassing how much trouble some people would go to. I spent a lot of time reassuring parents not to worry about feeding him at birthday parties, saying I would bring something, but most insisted on providing something he could have.
He's always been able to join in cookery classes etc with appropriate adjustments. He even went on a school trip abroad last year, which I can't deny stressed me considerably but it was absolutely fine. One of the activities was making crepes whilst they were in France and I thought he'd have to sit that out, but the chef had found a safe recipe and set up a separate area where DS and a couple of his friends who were happy to try the vegan recipe made theirs.
It is scary, no doubt about it, and you do need to be very organised, but try not to imagine the worst.

surely the best way would be to have the child eat his/her lunch in a seperate area with maybe a few kids from their year in to keep them company not fair on the rest of the classes having to do without especially milk when this might be the only time the child gets to drink milk at all during teh day. i know one of the children in my daughters school had a nut alergy and the whole school were not allowed to bring food it that contained even a trace of nuts but didn't do anything when a child had Celiac disease when a crumb of bread could have made him ill.

This is totally mad, OP, and I do hope you manage to get a response from the school.

Poor child, first off. It must be so stressful having such a severe allergy at such a young age. But really, it's not a sustainable solution at all. Especially if it is that severe, I'm surprised they're not concerned about cross-contamination in the kitchen. It sounds like a huge overreaction by the school which might not even deal with the whole problem!

I would be another one regretfully asking for the allergic child to eat in a separate room. I am sure they could find some children who would happily also have the vegan/dairy-free option and sit with them, so they wouldn't be all alone! Whether the vegan food is 'yuk' or not, it seems unreasonable to make all the children in the allergic child's year change rather than make a simple change for the allergic child (which would actually be much safer anyway!)

Please do raise it with the school now.

@wingingitk15

So from having spoken to a couple of other parents it seems that the one normal option is usually practically gone by the time my sons class get there, as I said before he usually goes in last. So he would then go for veggie option but they usually contain some cheese, that option has been taken away and they're just left with the vegan which he doesn't like.

I've changed my mind and decided to leave it to next week to email the school as most of you pointed out it could only be a temporary situation.

I wouldn't of been as bothered if the school had informed us of this change.

I would never want that child to feel horrible for something completely out of his control, I mostly wanted to know how other schools deal with it.

It should never be the case that one of the dinner options is running out as the children should be choosing their lunch at morning registration.

I would be asking why all the children who choose the vegan option can’t eat elsewhere in the same way sandwiches do.

Poor child with the allergies . It must make life so tough (and for the parents too).

But if your child is consistently not eating the vegan lunches, it's absolutely pointless paying for lunches that your child won't eat. So I'd tell the school you won't be paying for them anymore and will send a packed lunch instead.

Poor kid, I think a better solution could be found than everyone on vegan but surely the days of segregating the disabled and infirm so as not to ‘inconvenience’ anyone in the slightest are gone? Dairy free options are so easily available these days. An anaphylactic nut allergy is not the same as coeliacs disease, with anaphylaxis the kid could be dead within minutes of exposure

I had a friend who lost her lovely daughter at 11 years old from a sever anaphylactic reaction to dairy, so I understand how devastating it can be. Her school were fantastic, she provided packed lunch and her daughter ate in the classroom with a friend or TA who bring dairy free food too. Sensible, minimal risk and minimal impact on other kids.

babbaloushka so sad.

I can't imagine catering staff wanting someone with severe allergies to mix with those who can't possibly understand.

For those saying a vegan diet is extreme / not suitable for young children, that isn’t true. The NHS say a vegan diet is fine at any age as long as you plan it to included all the usual nutrients and I’m sure the school have had advice on this.

That aside, if your son doesn’t like the food and is coming home hungry I would enquire about this and send him in with a packed lunch :-)

My son was prevented from taking the only foods he would eat into school as there was a child with allergies to them. The parent was vocal about them at every opportunity- as you would be. However I took exception to this when the school then questioned my choices in his packed lunch and that it was not considered nutritious. Maybe not, but my options are limited. I either send my child with food he will eat and that is safe for the one anaphylactic child, but not overly great...and ensure he has well balanced healthy meals for the other 16 meals a week...or you let us all send in our usual packed lunches and segregate that one child 🤷‍♀️

Someone mentioned soya alternatives for dairy but some people can suffer from an allergy to this too. It's an absolute minefield these days with so many children suffering from various allergies. Whilst I do believe that these children must be included as much as is possible in order that they can enjoy a near normal childhood I don't believe it's right that the many should suffer for the few. If the school has a vegan option, it must be that some children there are already vegan? Could the vegan children be persuaded to, "buddy" this new little chap on a rota basis so that he always has a little dining companion in a separate room and they still get to have other lunches with their own particular pals? That way the other children can still enjoy their usual meals? And, most imporantly, the FSM chidren can avail themselves of the full range of protein rich food on offer for this most important meal of the day for them. As he settles in and makes new pals, non vegan children could choose to volunteer to go vegan for a day to act as, "lunch buddy" to their new little friend perhaps?

My DD has cmpa and she always just had a baked potato if the main/veggie options have milk in.

I do find it odd that it's very often that the main and the veggie alternative have milk in. Id have thought the caterers should work out a menu where the top allergen for children wouldnt be in all options on the same day

Looking at our school menu there is pretty much only one day of the week that involves dairy (cheese), and a couple of items where the milk could be easily substituted- Yorkshire puds. It’s really not that difficult.

2 of my children were born with dairy allergies & the only thing we did differently at school was they had a dairy free dinner option specifically for them that was prepared in a different area of the kitchen to the dairy meals, the children were all taught that they must never touch my children's food or offer them their food,& my children would ask from an early age if something was dairy free if they were unsure,& knew to refuse food offered by other people, I would have been mortified if I knew other children were being made to eat a restricted diet just because my children had allergies, I would definitely speak to the school & express your concerns about it

At the school, I work in, we have a child with an allergy to both egg & dairy. He has a school dinner, specially adapted for him. As far as I know he sits with his class mates. In normal times, we have a special table for those with allergies.

I certainly wouldn’t want to see this child excluded from his peers but I think the caterers could be a bit more creative here. Dairy free doesn’t have to mean vegan.

My dd is fortunately not allergic to anything but is particularly fussy and barely eats anything at school. She would happily eat plain grilled chicken breast with new potatoes and broccoli, a baked potato with beans or a roast dinner. All of which would be good, simple, inclusive dishes that every child could eat. I would definitely ask what the long term plan is.