AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

Thank you to the OP who updated.

Utterly depressed/outraged with some of the responses here.

My child is allergic to cows' milk and peanut. They are secondary now.

At primary they:

• were given a manky old apple when EVERYONE in the school received an Easter egg from the PTA. This was when they were Year 1.
• excluded from activities like pancake making.
• excluded from an "ice cream treat" which I knew nothing about beforehand. The school complained that they had cried all afternoon.

-everytime it was someone's birthday (and inevitably chocolate was sent in) it was a reminder that they were different.

• bullied and taunted due to the allergies.
• don't get me started on parties etc. "Gluten -free is fine, isn't it?" (NOOOOOO)

-Guides - everyonw receives a chocolate advent calender. guide Leader (who has know child since age of 5) "Oh I forgot".

• Church Sunday School - doughnuts for everyone. Dry rich tea for child. They have known her since she was born.

Overall things are better at secondary. My child has always taken responsibility, always checked food labels. They always take their own food to school.

My daughter has an anaphylactic reaction to dairy and cannot go into places like Starbucks as it makes her very unwell which I imagine is because of the amount of milk particles in the air. She says that she gets wheezy in the dinner hall at school but they now open the windows, she eats off of her own plate on a placemat so she’s not touching any of the tables and it’s manageable. I’m sure there’s something better they can come up with.

@SimonJT

Why don’t the parents who want a child with an allergy eat alone ask for their child who can’t possibly survive without dairy for a few hours to eat in a classroom alone?

Okay, so all the children who want to eat dairy eat in a room by themselves, and anyone willing to forgive dairy for every lunch eats in another room. Fine by me, imagine most will end up in the dairy room.

And I agree with the poster above. It’s miserable for the children. She’s been lucky that her brownie and guide leaders have always provided dairy free chocolate and her schools have always got her an ice lolly etc but she’s constantly stressed that something will go wrong. She’s ended up in hospital three times in the last 18 months due to mistakes and apart from school dinners, she’ll only eat food cooked or provided by me.

@icedancerlenny

And I agree with the poster above. It’s miserable for the children. She’s been lucky that her brownie and guide leaders have always provided dairy free chocolate and her schools have always got her an ice lolly etc but she’s constantly stressed that something will go wrong. She’s ended up in hospital three times in the last 18 months due to mistakes and apart from school dinners, she’ll only eat food cooked or provided by me.

My child will only eat anything that I make - they also check all the labels too. It is the anxiety that is so hard. Things do go wrong. Wishing you and your child well.

Oh no @IncludesFreeOnlineEdition - my df and ef daughter starts school in September and I'm so worried about it. We're working on the dairy ladder now as latest skin pricks suggest massive improvement so just really hoping we drop that one by school, but she's carrying epi pens for egg. It's the unthinking exclusion and emotional impact that worries me as much as the health risk/epi pen training etc

What about disabled kids with restricted diets? How are they managing that? (I had one who would only eat cheese sandwiches)

(and one that is anaphylactic to nuts and has an allergic reaction if near lots of nuts in Lidl)

BlackeyedSusan
School should be able to come up with a better system than the OP's school where they are giving a whole class a limited diet that cuts out whole food groups (either deliberately, or otherwise by not having enough food options).

I'm in secondary so it might be different, but we have more than 1 dining hall, students with allergies know what they can/can't eat, it's all discussed with parents, students with more serious allergies and/or anxiety about their allergies have a personalised plan in place that can involve going into dinner early with a friend, those with medical issues all have individual plans and a named TA who links with home, and we also have a fridge in our learning support unit to store any food from home for those with medically required diets who need it.
With over 1000 students there's no blanket restriction of a whole class or year group.

We have two children with dairy allergy at school. We go through the menu with the caterers and the parents each time there is a change. Currently there are only one or two days each week (three week varied menu) when both the general and veggie options have dairy so the children get a “special” option on those days ... yesterday they had jacket potato with chilli instead of the veggie or meat lasagne that others had. They do have less choice on desserts but there is always fruit available and often jelly.

Our school is nut free and we have a veggie option everyday. We don’t offer vegan but we only have to provide suitable options for medically diagnosed allergies or intolerances not religious or lifestyle choices. So we don’t do halal but our muslim children take the veggie option instead.

I often have school meals and have to be careful with the veggie option so cook warns me if they contain soya, or some beans because they make me ill! Veggie or vegan are not problem free!

A friend of my daughter had seafood allergy and even the smell of fish made her unwell so on Fridays she would choose one or two friends who were having a packed lunch or the veggie option to eat with her in a separate room.

@wingingitk15 what did school say

I have a child with a severe dairy allergy so it’s lovely to see them taking it seriously ... however my son with the allergy would be horrified to only eat vegan .. there is no need .. they could just avoid dairy it’s not rocket science. Sounds like the school need some education.

I think schools have to do whatever they reasonably can to accommodate such needs. I wouldn’t be particularly impressed with this either whilst at the same time sympathising with the child with allergies. I would tell the school that your child has to have a packed lunch despite their rule because school dinners are no longer being eaten by your child who is coming home hungry. Children can’t learn when they are hungry so I would absolutely not accept the no packed lunch rule. It seems harsh to make such a fundamental change and then expect you all to have to stick to school meals and say you can’t switch to packed lunches.

[quote wingingitk15]@DimidDavilby My son doesn't drink the milk so we don't pay for it the the FSM kids get it for free and they haven't had any this week[/quote]
Milk and water is provided for all school meal children whether they are FSM or not, with lunch service
this is different to milk you can opt to pay for at break (some payfor that, some do not have to)

I don't think they can stop him having packed lunches if they children who had them pre-pandemic are allowed them. It sounds like an unusual allergy.

If the new child's requirements impose onto the existing pupils in the class in a significant way, it's not acceptable. This would be significant for us and complaint would be made.

I don't have any experience of a dairy allergy, but if they're stopping him mixing with any child who has eaten dairy, surely the approach is flawed as most kids have milk on cereal or butter on toast at breakfast, possibly just before walking through school gates.

I’m vegan and have brought my toddler up on a vegan diet (she can make in informed decision for herself later on) and I’m abit confused as to what the school are providing for the children if your son will absolutely not eat it? I cook like anyone else; chilli, sausage and chips, pies and veg, curry’s, etc (daily smoothies too etc) but the school should just be making the normal menu but with the vegan alternative? It tastes exactly the same!

I would point out one very important fact: a few people have commented they should just cut out cheese (pizza etc) but you would be SHOCKED how many items have cows milk in...everything!! It’s totally bizarre. So the school choosing vegan makes complete sense.

Even though I’m vegan I’d be very very upset if my daughter came home hungry everyday! You must feel awful!
Personally I would call the school and ask for an email stating EXACTLY what is being served and EXACTLY the ingredients. Go through it yourself and see if it’s either a) yuk or b) your son doesn’t like it because he’s heard “vegan” food is gross. I wouldn’t blame him for thinking this. He is only a child and children are very easily influenced. Let’s face it, adults think vegan food is gross which is very closed minded and immature.

So in short, I wouldn’t be happy either and I would ask for exact details as to what is being served.

I hope you get this sorted! It must be really difficult. Lots of luck. Xx

As someone with with a severe intolerance to dairy (uncontrollable diarrhoea/sickness for several days even with a small amount), I know how hard it is to avoid it in foods, and it must be extremely difficult for a child allergic to airborn particles.

Things are a lot better nowadays for finding dairy-free and vegan options, so the rest of the class could have a wide choice of food if there really is no other option. But I do think the school needs to work harder on this situation to provide a safe space for this child to eat - and ideally one with other vegan/dairy free children so they don't feel left out.

It's so hard for everyone. I know someone with a kiwi allergy (and apparently the little hairs can float around to quite long distances) and they ended up having to study at home after several severe attacks where they were hospitalised. So I wouldn't underestimate what the child and their family are going through, but at the same time it's very unfair on your child and the whole class to miss out on everything every day. I'd bring it up with the school.

@goldfinchfan

I do not understand how a Dairy allergy can be airbourne? I have a dairy allery but only if I eat it? Is airbourne allergy a real thing?

You know a nut allergy is an airborne allergy? Yes, they exist

I would query with school if this allergy is so serious are they preparing this childs food in a separate kitchen not handling dairy? Personally the school should choose a few vegan meal option children from the class that day to eat separately not inforce on the whole group. My son has asd and only drinks milk so that for me would literally mean moving my sons school or leaving work daily to bring him home for lunch as his milk contains his medication for anemia. Talk to school I am sure many parents are not happy.

I'm very surprised they were having milk, at my DS school it is stopped after Y2.
I'm afraid I'd be saying I refuse to allow my child to starve and they will be bringing in a packed lunch from now

Not acceptable. Contact your local authority. The school will have to come up with another solution.

I have coeliac disease and milk allergy (not airborne) and I would NEVER want others to be forced into eating the same meal as me. I don’t understand why the new child can’t have a packed lunch? Why force other children to have a vegan meal? Veganism is very restrictive, especially for children. Skipping meals isn’t good for children’s physical development and concentration.

My son has a severe allergy I would never dream of inflicting his allergy on the whole year or even his class . This is overkill at its worst . The worst thing is if you have anyone that this is the only proper meal there having for the day and there in the same position as your son it’s sad situation isn’t it .