AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

I've changed my mind and decided to leave it to next week to email the school as most of you pointed out it could only be a temporary situation.

It's nice of you to be concerned about this child, but what about your child coming home hungry every day, and paying for lunches that he's not really being provided with?

Not to mention that the school should not be running out of the "normal option" before some of the kids have had a chance to eat.

This sounds like a mess.

Inform the school that your DS will be taking in packed lunches because they are not providing adequate options for him.

@ClearMountain

We have had absolutely no issue providing our child with their recommended intake of nutrients, probably healthier sources as well than cows milk. We exceed the calcium target for the day without milk and we don't have any issues with any other vitamins either. Good for you. Some parents don’t give a shit and certainly don’t make the effort to ensure their kids get nutrients at home. Some parents barely feed their children at all. Some children rely on their school meals. You obviously don’t understand that.

No it's got nothing to do with that. The school can still provide these children with an adequate healthy balanced diet without the need to have dairy in it. That is what I am saying And again its back to putting the socially vulnerable above the medically vulnerable as always on these pages. Some parent doesn't feed their kids so because of that another child's life has to be risked whenever the school could provide a balance between the unfed child still having a healthy nutritious meal and the child with the medical problem being safe and able to access the same education as every other child is entitled to and not disadvantaged as a result of a medical condition that nothing can be done about. More needs to be done to address the problems of children not being fed outside schools, but I don't see anyone advocating for that, as long as school feeds them its all fine. I'm sure when everyone is sat down to the Christmas dinner or they are on their 2 week all inclusive holiday no one gives a shit about the kid who doesn't eat whenever the schools are closed for all the holidays.

Not acceptable. They cannot force children to have just one option for hot lunch, especially if it’s vegan against their choosing. They also cannot specify no dairy in packed lunches. That’s going to far, dairy is important and forms a large part for lunches for some kids. I would also not be happy with dairy alternatives, many gave lots of chemicals and soya in which isn’t good for kids, and the school won’t be using the high quality expensive ones.

The school needs a new plan, which doesn’t involve cutting out dairy for a while class.

if my child was like this I'd send them in with the appropriate food and sit separately for the whole 15-20 mins they usually get to eat their lunch.bloody ridiculous the whole class have to suffer. How is the child going to cope at secondary school? They'll have to find somewhere separate to eat as its canteen style usually.

I think the school should have told the allergy kids parents that they cannot guarantee dairy free to that level so they would have to provide a packed lunch for them to eat in a separate room perhaps with some sort of buddy system

Should the parents not of been told though , are the packed lunch kids having it in there lunch or what if childs eaten something diary on the way in?

My daughter has severe egg and dairy. She's not airborne, but I have an airborne allergy and I do understand - it's very difficult.

There is no need at all to a vegan diet. It's very easy to cook a meat based diet with vegan replacements such as oat milk in recipes.

Even if the catering team can't afford to do that, airborne is only an issue with heated food. Could there not be cold dairy elements for those unaffected.

Do they not usually seat allergy children on a different table?

I'm so worried about this for my own child who starts school in September, but I wouldn't expect others to be so inconvenienced by it. Of course leaving a child out socially for every meal is mentally damaging and they do need to be careful not to do that. Couldn't they ask that during covid the new child brings packed lunches so the catering team have more time and space to work out a new system for everyone?

I do sympathise with the child's parents. Most places outside the home will only serve my child vegan food ana it makes me FURIOUS

To the person same homeschool the child - no, that's discrimination. Just put yourself in that child's parents shoes for one moment. Their life is terrifying enough.

To the person going on about burping - that's not how airborne works. It's the distribution of protein particles in steam or dust(more likely for nuts)

Yes @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland we never go to soft play - it's a nightmare and totally stressful.

One time someone at a playgroup had allowed their kid to smash a bag of mini cheddars all over the floor and we had to leave 2 mins after it started after paying £7 for entry..

On holiday in the UK we once had to eat at pizza express every night because no other restaurant in the seaside town would serve us. It affects every part of our lives. Please try to have some compassion

"You think a child’s right to an enjoyable meal trumps your daughters right to health?
What a strange kind of mother"

Except that's really not what I said, is it @pollylocketpickedapocket? I don't know if you struggle with comprehension or if you're just looking to have a go at someone but I've really lost interest in anything you have to say. Kindly stop deliberately misunderstanding my comments and move on.

Why don’t the parents who want a child with an allergy eat alone ask for their child who can’t possibly survive without dairy for a few hours to eat in a classroom alone?

@SimonJT - I'd imagine if the majority wanted this then it might still result in the child with the dairy allergy eating alone

Not sure what the big deal is eating a vegan meal for lunch for a few weeks during lockdown is! It will teach you DC to get used to different foods.

@FreekStar

I'm pretty sure a person can't die from being near a dairy product or even from being touched by another child who has it on their hands. A rash maybe, but death? Surely they'd have to eat the dairy for this to happen?

Rtft and the article upthread. You literally can die by coming into contact with dairy or nuts for that matter.

No, I’m sorry, that’s utterly insane. I was a TA for years and did hours and hours of lunch duty. We had, and have, children who were extremely allergic to various things. We are a nut free school which I think is different and nowhere near as restrictive. Shite decision making from the school if they really can’t manage to provide a vegan option and keep one child safe without making the entire year group eat vegan.
Dairy allergies don’t tent to be airborne either.

My granddaughter has a severe dairy allergy (sounds similar to this OP).

She takes a packed lunch into school. It's never been an issue! It isn't airborne ffs! She's sensible enough to know that she can't eat anything that isn't in her lunchbox and staff are aware of how serious her allergy is.

I would be very pissed off at the arrangements in your child's school (I'm a teacher, and I'd be kicking off if this was happening in my own school too!)

I can’t eat wheat. I get so angry about foods or meal options that are “wheat and dairy free”. It’s unpleasant enough being deprived of wheat without also being deprived of dairy for absolutely no reason. Equally I t’s unfair on the dairy free child to remove other things from his diet that he isn’t even allergic to.

Why is everyone still being so hung up on the school “depriving” children of dairy 🙄. Firstly you can have a perfectly balanced lunch without dairy, the suggestions that this is unhealthy for the other children are ridiculous.
If you read OPs update actually this isn’t anything to do with the allergic child. The school frequently serves food OPs child would like but they regularly run out of it before he gets there. No need to start dragging the allergic child into isolation or homeschool, simply inform the school your son has told you multiple times they have run out of food options by the time his class have lunch and it leaves him hungry.
This is such a non issue.

@FreekStar

I'm pretty sure a person can't die from being near a dairy product or even from being touched by another child who has it on their hands. A rash maybe, but death? Surely they'd have to eat the dairy for this to happen?

So people who die or suffer permanent damage after coming into contact with their allergen or being exposed to an airborne allergen are just really good fakers?

@SimonJT

Why don’t the parents who want a child with an allergy eat alone ask for their child who can’t possibly survive without dairy for a few hours to eat in a classroom alone?

It isn't about 'surviving without dairy for a few hours'. It's the school not managing their catering correctly so that all children can eat. Running out of food and not allowing packed lunches and instead offering unappetising food the children won't eat. There was, rightly so, a huge scandal about the appalling food parcels given to children at home during lockdown. It's lazy of the school's catering company to just think they can tick many boxes at once like this. On paper they are providing food for vegans and children with allergies but it's not working. The other children should be allowed to bring in packed lunches. Parents can't be forced to buy lunches their children won't eat, or that have run out by the time they get to have their lunch.

The allergic child should be able to eat safely at school without the rest of the class being totally restricted to one choice. At the moment they don't even have the choice to switch to packed lunch.
What happens if one of them is allergic to quorn?
The whole school meal situation seems to be badly managed if they are also running out of options by the end of a sitting. Our schools always got children to choose their meal in the morning so they could cook the right quantities.

My granddaughter has a severe dairy allergy (sounds similar to this OP).

She takes a packed lunch into school. It's never been an issue! It isn't airborne ffs!

Just because your granddaughter's allergy isn't airborne doesn't mean this child's isn't. 🙄

@TubbyUnicorn

Things that don't contain milk and are commonly eaten in schools

Curries (meat or veg) and Rice
Baked potatoes and Beans (fair enough no cheese)
Fish and Chips
Burgers
Spag Bowls
Chili con carne
Cottage Pie
Shepherds Pie
Single Pie (as long as it's not a cream version)
Chicken Nuggets
Fish fingers
Roast Dinners (multiple varieties)
Pasta
Pasta Bake
Salads
Breakfast for Dinner

Actually most of those do usually contain milk.

Curries - most they serve in schools are creamy, which they use cream instead of coconut milk because it’s cheaper.

Baked potatoes and Beans - would probably also have butter or margarine.

Fish and Chips - the batter for the fish contains milk.

Burgers - a lot of pre produced burgers have whey protein added. So they’d have to be handmade.

Spag Bowls - can be dairy free, but a lot of people add butter to the bolognese.

Chili con carne - is usually safe.

Cottage Pie - milk and butter in the mash and cheese on top.

Shepherds Pie - see above.

Single Pie - as long as it’s not pastry made with butter.

Chicken Nuggets - often have whey protein added as a binding agent, and as long as they are breaded and not battered.

Fish fingers - should be safe as long as they are breaded and not battered as the batter will contain milk.

Roast Dinners - as long as none of the veg is buttered

Pasta - entirely depends what is served with it and the sauce.

Pasta Bake - they almost always have cheese on top.

Salads - as long as the dressing is safe.

Breakfast for Dinner eggs usually have milk added and mushrooms are usually cooked in butter, I’d also be suspicious about sausages, but everything else should be safe.

So as you see it’s very difficult.

The kicker is that whey protein is added to so much processed food, usually, completely unnecessarily, just because it’s so cheap.