to expect working mums to sort out their childcare

[nametaken]

Is it just me or do any other SAHMs get really annoyed when they get the 3 o clock phone call saying "oh can you pick XXXX up from school her nan/CM/school club can't because blah blah blah.

I mean, they choose to work - I'm a SAHM because I have 3DC and it would be a nightmare trying to organise childcare and I wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone.

I finally fell out with my friend today after one imposition too many. How nice of her to have me to pick up the slack week in week out and then when she finally feels guilty about all the unpaid childcare she asked me to do she swans off and treats her DD and my eldest DD to a cinema visit and meal!!!!!!! Something I would love to do but haven't got time to organise cause I'm too busy doing the drudge boring work.

Working mums - please don't think for a minute I've got anything against you - it's just a rant against the 3rd working mum in 3 weeks to need a favour from me.

I always used to do this because I thought "oh, well if I ever need something I can always ask them" BUT !!!!! I don't ever need anything.

Be honest, does anyone really think that SAHMs should be helping out working mums when their childcare falls through or am I just being evil.

helloooo

Okay, just need a Mildert bod now and we can have our very own clique!

Is it Ok to have an improper career? Just wondered although I think I might be a bit old now.

Might pay more than what I'm getting now.

Oh, this was a bit of a 'grrrr' thread and now it's made me all warm & smiley. Elffriend, my DS is 16 mo and I am waving and clapping in his style too We could have a Hill clique and a Bailey clique, and a northern chemist clique and a rah clique... Far more fun than SAHM cliques and WOHM cliques

Am also all warm and smiley (and have just realised that DS is actually nearly 15 months now ! Wow, I have not seen the word rah for looong time! Has brought back all sorts of memories!

I've never hi-jacked a thread before!

Good innit?!

nor have I, we are very naughty! Will start a thread in 'chat' to see how many of us there are lurking around Mumsnet.

I work full time and have often had to take time off for one reason or another when the school or nursery have phoned me. I've never asked a friend to help out as I don't actually have any that stay at home near where I live. In any case it doesn't matter as I'm covered by government legislation allowing me to take "time off for dependents" to deal with emergencies. I would say no one there to pick up your child is an emergency. This leave is unpaid but that's fair enough I think.

Well yes, if you and your husband are both on £50k (£100k) it's still hardly enough to maintain things like London mortgages, school fees, holidays. That's why if my elder daugher's starting salary is £65k up to whatever she might earn that's a better choice than doing the same thing as a lecturer which could if she's lucky by the time she's about 40 be on £50k may be as an upper limit and have all the awful politicking or whatever that you get in universities plus all those dreadful people with beards.

I was just talking to daughter 2 about careers who is home today and I said I genuinely do not care what any of them pick as long as they love it. There are not rights and wrongs over career choice at all but if they want to work , pay a nanny comfortably, may be buy a house or keep their horse or whatever there are some jobs you can do that in and others you can't. The other daughter was talking about some of her friends who are enjoying teaching for example too and the long holidays. I think students do know the implications of particular jobs long term but the main thing a parent can do is make sure they know the pros and cons of each choice.

As for improper careers I know someone who went to someone who ahem.... sold her services as it were and she charged him per hour what I do.

Gosh, Xenia, it's awfully useful that some people can put up with the beards sufficiently to educate your daughter so that she can start on 65k.

And you could also just not live in London...

I'm a lecturer I don't have a beard maybe a bit of a moustache

I know a few lecturers who keep horses. And have beautiful local countryside in which to ride them. Maybe we don't need as many holidays because where we live is so gorgeous. Actually, Xenia, good luck to your daughters - but I wouldn't swap for the world.

We're all so defensive of our choices, aren't we? I guess because we all HAVE to believe that we are doing the right thing for our DCs (whether WOHM, SAHM, or whatever) because the alternative, that we might NOT be doing the right thing by them is just too awful. I was defensive of my choice to be a WOHM in a highly improper job (telly), and now I'm defensive of my choice to quit my job and spend time with my DS... It's easy to find arguments to defend either choice, but the emotion behind every argument is just 'Please god, let me be doing the right thing by my DC and let them look back and say 'I had a happy childhood' whatever that is for them'.

a friend of mine love horses and wanted one of her own, so she left her private education at 16 and got a a job in a stables, working for a pittance.

fast forward a few years, she married a farmer and now has her own livery stables

God, I sound spiky. Apologies.

So true, thebecster.

: )

xenia

according to www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=285 only about 10% earn £50K or more, so 90% of the working population will have to settle for less.

It is totally unrealistic for Xenia to advise everyone to earn more than £50K.

iota - surely it depends where you live. in the street i live in, i imagine the average earnings per household is £250,000 and in my town i would v surprised if it was less than 150,000.

Blimey, where do you live, Knightsbridge??? I live in relatively posh london area, and our neighborhoud is positively poverty-stricken by that yardstick...

I agree with you all. I am a working mum - unfortunately due to illness etc (long story) did want to work part time but shit happens! Anyway, I never ask any one else to sort out my son, he is my responsibility and I can do it even though I work full time and 9-5 and have an hour to travel to get to him. I have a friend who works at the nursery who works part time there who regularly asks me to look after her son. The most recent time was that we had to take him to a party so that she and her husband could go shopping together, also her husbands mum was ill recently and they both went together whilst I looked after her kid - if it was me I would have stayed at home and husband would have gone on his own!!! I don't think you have to be a sahm to be taken advantage of, some people just don't think about anyone else unless they want you to do something for them!

Sorry for the rant - feel better for that.

X

Smiles

Yes, depends where you live and never forget how little most people earn.

What is interesting is if children are expected when they grow up to accept a life that is worse. We have generally had most generations doing better, better house than your parents, better food after WWII rationing, better education etc and each generation improves. If you bring up your children in one life style they may not realise what it's like to choose another lifestyle if say they decide to be teachers or whatever. In a sense that's unfair on them so you certainly need to ensure they know the consequences of certain options.

If 10% earn £50k and 30 years ago only 10% of people went to university that was a correlation in a sense. Now 50% go to university the likelihood they'll be in the top 10% of earnings is less particularly if they've been to a university which isn't a very good one.

Yes, people try to justify their choices but I do remember the interesting discussions in the family when my sister joint a cult and my view was it's a choice. I didn't feel she was hypnotised into it and that going to work 9 - 5 is as much cultish as what she did. If one of my children said they wanted to be a free lance journalist or actor or monk I hope I'd support them in that choice even if it might mean they would find school fees hard to meet etc etc.

No one will ever convince me that being a housewife is a fun suitable choice for clever women however not in a month of Sundays.

I think the bottom line is that nobody likes to be taken for granted whether SAHM or not.

London is tricky because it is so mixed. Nice places literally join really unpleasant places... this is not the case in affluent commuter towns.

You see Xenia that is where you loose me.
Why is it that just because you are leading the life you desire and deserve then anyone who deviates from that is leading a lesser existence.
i agree with 90% of what you say until you include

'No one will ever convince me that being a housewife is a fun suitable choice for clever women however not in a month of Sundays'

I had a career that ticked all your criteria (well I still rolled out of bed but thats me)but I am now at home.
I am not suddenly stupid and servile. Nor am I fibbing. Dealing with my DS2 is challenging. The housewife bit is not the main part of what I do - anymore than the commute was the best part of my working day. But being a mother is fun and difficult and full on and it uses many of my skills as well as many I didn't have.
I would not have chosen to be at home but I needed to be and then I found what I was doing was important and difficult and i did it better than anyone else could.
Part of the joy of it comes from the fact that my choice has made life much easier and calmer for my children.
I could go back to work now but don't. I could have a nanny but don't. I could even have a cleaner but have just sacked her.

I am doing what I choose to do and that which stimulates and challenges and interests me.

...although I am worried that the idea of an improper career is now more interesting than it should be

This is what happens to me - I read 90% of a post by Xenia, think, "ok, fair enough", and then there's always something chucked in at the end that throws me. But hell, I'm not trying to convince Xenia to stay at home and polish silver...

For what it's worth, Xenia, I should think school fees will be less of an issue if they go down the monk path. One would hope.