Holiday decline aibu

[Namechange19op]

Worked at my current employer just over 1 year less than 2

Im a single mum one little boy aged 7 my parents and family live in wales and I am in london and his dad isnt around much

Work told me today the holiday I requested for easter school holidays are declined because its over a busy period and they dont allow holidays at that time

I did work there last year at the same busy time but they altered my role to wfh with covid. My job cant really be done at home full time I open post do filing print alot of docs etc and so am back in our office. I asked if I could wfh this time but the tasks i need to do are office based.

The company is small around 20 people and 1 other lady does same job as me but no kids so she doesnt care about holidays ban

Aibu to think this is unfair. I have ZERO help. I earn a pittance (around 11k) work either mornings or afternoons depending on the day.

Senior management are not budging as other people asked for holidays and got declined. Hr is outsourced.

Aibu to think i should be given this time off

@SorryAuntLydia you'd be signed off if the broken leg meant you couldn't work. It wouldn't be predictable that you would break your leg. If OP got so stressed that she needed to be signed off then I'm sure they'd be more understanding.

If it were me, I'd ask for unpaid parental leave and look at moving closer to your parents. You need the help especially being a working single parent around the school holidays. Living near your ex isnt helpful to you, your parents will be more supportive.

"You're blaming women for employers being sexist? Wow."

We'll, Gene, if you're going to be determined to misunderstand have at it.

The world is sexist. Some of us are trying desperately hard to change it.

"I don't care really. I just need the money."

Then I would suggest you do care, because the money and working hours are precious to you.

Unless I've missed one of your posts I don't think you've responded to loads of posters saying book the child into holiday club. Is there a particular reason why that's not an option? I'm sure they are not all open but quite a few round here are. It's a bit rubbish when you work PT and have to pay for a whole day's care, but hol clubs tend to be pretty good value per hour and quite a few are 9.30-3pm kind of thing. I sometimes ran at a loss for a few weeks over the summer but that was ok, because for the rest of the year I had hardly any childcare costs. I told my kids they had to do hol club, it wasn't optional but I scoured every option available and tried to give them a lot of choice.

@Brefugee

"You're blaming women for employers being sexist? Wow."

We'll, Gene, if you're going to be determined to misunderstand have at it.

The world is sexist. Some of us are trying desperately hard to change it.

Acting "like a man" and pretending you've not got children isn't trying desperately hard to change it it's pandering to it. I see what you're saying, get to the top and change it, but personally I don't think that's the right approach.

Hold on

What IS sexist is pretending the children and childcare is MY problem, because I am the mother, and DH is not affected or impacted!

So you could campaign for parents (male, female, gay, straight...) to have priority and special rights over time off - I completely disagree, but you can campaign, but making the issue MINE as I am the mother?

I strongly resent and fight that!

I think if the ban is blanket and not you being singled out they have the right to do this but as a single parent with no support (as your ex sounds useless) this job may not work for you long term. In normal circumstances you perhaps could come to an arrangement with a friend to share childcare on school holidays but that is difficult at the moment with covid.

I think long term you should move away from London as it is phenomenally expensive to live there and £11k is not a good enough salary to cover even living costs let alone childcare on school holidays. Would you prefer to live nearer your family where you have more support? If his Dad does not help out with childcare anyway then staying in the area for him is not possible long term.

You earn 11k in London? How do you survive?

@TrustTheGeneGenie
I think it's unreasonable to deny holidays when it is obvious that their children will need care, yes

There are 13 weeks of school holidays. Unless you have a term time only contract, then you cannot possibly think that an employer can or should possibly accommodate ALL of your needs for providing childcare!

It is your responsibility to provide appropriate childcare. Be that wraparound holiday clubs, grandparents, clubs. Your responsibility to attend work as required, and what you signed up to and you're responsibility to ensure that you meet this obligation with appropriate childcare in place.

Just wanted to offer a handhold, OP, as this sounds maddening, even though it’s their right. Also really frustrated for you that your ex is so unhelpful. You and your son deserve better.

I know it’s not a short-term solution, but moving to where you have family certainly sounds appealing.

Wishing you luck 💐

The law itself is sexist because it is based on the outdated idea that an employee doesn’t have responsibility for childcare - that someone else is at home and able to do it.

No, it expects people to find childcare.
If OP had posted that she had fully explored every childcare avenue and there was absolutely nothing available, then it would be different.
However, it seems like she's only just requested holiday and on being told "no" has immediately jumped to posting on MN. She's hasn't explored the options of getting another parent to look after her child; she hasn't looked into holiday clubs or childminders.

[quote BusyLizzie61]@TrustTheGeneGenie
I think it's unreasonable to deny holidays when it is obvious that their children will need care, yes

There are 13 weeks of school holidays. Unless you have a term time only contract, then you cannot possibly think that an employer can or should possibly accommodate ALL of your needs for providing childcare!

It is your responsibility to provide appropriate childcare. Be that wraparound holiday clubs, grandparents, clubs. Your responsibility to attend work as required, and what you signed up to and you're responsibility to ensure that you meet this obligation with appropriate childcare in place.[/quote]
Yes I never said she can expect 13 paid weeks leave, did I?
Again, why is it all or nothing?

"I see what you're saying, get to the top and change it, but personally I don't think that's the right approach."

So how then? It's shit. It really us. But who is going to change anything? Vote for the right people, lobby you MPs, lobby companies etc etc. In the meantime we have to earn a living. Or do think people can only do one thing at a time?

It is quite clear that about the only beneficiaries of more equality in the workplace are those with the smallest voice. The rest are happy (mostly men) because they have the corner offices, the salaries and the pension and someone picking up the childcare slack. Where is their incentive to change that?

Frankly the best hope people in the OPs position had (and it was by no means perfect) were all the employment rights we lost with Brexit.

There are lots of school age holiday camps running in London over the Easter holidays.

Sadly they can decline holidays. It doesn’t really make for having loyal staff in a supportive environment where they happily give their all though does it. If it were me I’d be looking for another job where they really value you

All these people saying childcare isn’t there issue are missing the point. Workplaces need to give us all more flexibility to live our lives around caring for our loved one. As a society our attitudes need the shift on this and move forward. 50% of the population is female, many have kids, Children can’t look after themselves, most people need to work to pay their bills so as a society we all need to be more flexible rather than a business comes first attitude.

All these people saying childcare isn’t there issue are missing the point. Workplaces need to give us all more flexibility to live our lives around caring for our loved one. As a society our attitudes need the shift on this and move forward. 50% of the population is female, many have kids, Children can’t look after themselves, most people need to work to pay their bills so as a society we all need to be more flexible rather than a business comes first attitude.

All these people saying childcare isn’t there issue are missing the point. Workplaces need to give us all more flexibility to live our lives around caring for our loved one. As a society our attitudes need the shift on this and move forward. 50% of the population is female, many have kids, Children can’t look after themselves, most people need to work to pay their bills so as a society we all need to be more flexible rather than a business comes first attitude. You are not being unreasonable, they should take your circumstances into account.

Can't believe only 1 pp has commented on
the fact that you have known for a year that Easter was a no go for annual leave and you haven't sorted it.

Remember that parental leave can be postponed if there's a business need unless it's needed for medical reasons.

My own work tried to stop me taking parental leave when my DD had an operation (I'm also a single parent with a crap Ex) and I had to ring acas and they said it can be refused in certain circumstances childcare issues is not their problem so they can refuse. I was granted mine as it was considered necessary to provide care for my DD.

I will ask some of the parents are school if they can help at all
That always goes down well on MN!!*

It's unpaid but the beauty is they can't refuse it but you will need to request tomorrow if you want Easter off as you have to give 21 days notice.
They can refuse it, they just can't do so unreasonably.

I dont think another job will give me the 3.5-4 hours a day and tbh its easy steady paced work in a nice calm office with no stress. I wont get that elsewhere

This is about working out what your priority is. Having a job that doesn't restrict holidays or having a job that is better for you in other ways. Being a working parent, I couldn't ever have taken a job that had the rules that no holidays would be given during traditional school holiday periods. Both OH and I asked the question whenever we interviewed for jobs and any company that restricted that was a no go, because we don't have any other options for childcare either. I gave up a really good opportunity a couple of years back because the amount of travel they wanted me to do was unworkable. The job was perfect in every other way, but as a parent I had a choice to make.

50% of the population is female, many have kids,

and why are you making childcare a female problem?

What we need is a change of attitude and stop considering women as the main carer for a start!

It is quite clear that about the only beneficiaries of more equality in the workplace are those with the smallest voice.

But you are not talking about equality at all

You are talking about giving priority and more right to parent, and more specifically mothers, than to anyone else.

So a child-free adult should pick up the slack? That's a great way to see equality.

Sorry you are having this difficulty but it's not your employers job to manage your childcare responsibilities. Being a single parent is hard but there's not much that can be done.

@DebbieGetsTheJobDone you're absolutely right! I stumbled into that without even thinking what I was saying, some of my own unconscious bias there.